Fai†hfully Preparing my Fields for the Rain

:: Updates So Far... ::

Okay, recently I've been busy to blog or rather I've got pretty much nothing to blog about except to complain about my work.

The dustbin blue bird monster who can't stop making noise:

Slimy scared bold monster who just keeps pointing at everyone else except itself:

On a side note, I'll be going Genting to celebrate my birthday with my lovely hamham!!

Had a Vision
on Sunday, January 22, 2012, 10:19 AM

:: Missed! ::

Alamak! i zun zun miss the whole month of nov never blog... shall slot a post in there somewhere later..

Had a Vision
on Thursday, December 01, 2011, 11:47 PM

:: I know what I want for my wallpaper le.. ::

Moon Over My Heart 月亮代表谁的心

Had a Vision
on , 11:10 PM

:: 1111111111 ::

It's 11 / 11 / 11, 11.11am. So many people got married today.

Asians: http://sg.news.yahoo.com/rush-marry-chinas-singles-day-11-11-xinhua-171054443.html

Ang Mo: http://www.abc.net.au/news/2011-11-11/couples-marry-the-1-on-11-11-11-/3659674

http://www.usatoday.com/news/offbeat/story/2011-11-10/111111-lucky-day/51160006/1

http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2011/11/10/why-more-people-marry-on-11-november-2011_n_1087510.html

I wanted to also.. but no money to... so I wanted at least earn 111111 which i didn't also... but I'm near to my 11111 though.. hehe...

Had a Vision
on Friday, November 11, 2011, 11:11 AM

:: A Little Prayer ::

Loving Father, please be with the new Christians in our church. Use me to be a source of encouragement to them and strength for them. May my life always be a positive influence on them and other new Christians as well. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen

Had a Vision
on Monday, October 31, 2011, 1:15 AM

:: My Course cancelled. ::

Little update people. A little bump in the road again.

My course @ TMC under University of Greenwich cancelled the course due to lack of headcount. Almost wanted to refund me half only... but my gf help me make noise so i'm getting full refund though it's still not alot...

Had to change school now... looking into SIM for the same course under University of Wollongong... see if I can get into the final year anot... else I may pick another route...

Had a Vision
on Thursday, October 13, 2011, 9:56 AM

:: ET and religion ::

Learnt some interesting things from Sam yesterday about ET and religion... shall research further... I like this topic.

Something along the line that, how come all the religion story like almost the same.

Here's a picture to illustrate how the beginning of time might have come about.

Had a Vision
on Saturday, September 10, 2011, 10:10 AM

:: Wierd Dream... ::

Dreamt I was out near a neighborhood area in Tampines then I encountered an immigrant who seems stoneage. He was in trouble said he had to make food for his pets. A short legged orange cat and this komodo dragon looking beast with black and white fur.

He behaved strangely like a cave man and brought some dirt and bones together for his pets but I said no, that's not food and insist he was right until he was finally done and his pets came to smell the thing he made and shit in the bowl of "dirt food".

So he became confused and I showed him the way across a small stone bridge where we reach this very Disney land kind of place and at the center, there was some sort of fair, I went to take a closer look and went one round to see amazing student projects where they made food fun to play with. There were electronic fish looking candies that behaved like real fishes in a fish tank. There was a shooting game where you can shoot little biscuit out.

I saw a few of my friends in this dream, there was Edmund from tp who made the gun thing. Then I dunno where the caveman went but I just went around myself and met upon yt and zj who were queuing up for the sniper game. Which lots of funny weird comments people behind me were saying to get people off the queue. I stay and play one shot. Then I left the place.

After leaving the place, I suddenly went into this shopping center and I was with my gf! We were dating! felt nice... then we went to the movies in some really old theater and suddenly we were with a bigger group, total 5 including me and her. One of the group members had this strong influential power and the whole group follows her, who was a very short and fat, short hair butch. So at the end of the movie she wanted to influence the group to stand up the same time as her and I followed when she stood up but not the rest. She shouted "NATAS" when she stood up. I did the same but the rest didn't get up and she sat down. Then she tried again and this time the rest all followed accept me and the rest said she has more "NATAS" den me...

Then I woke up thinking what a weird dream... Like everything link like no link liddat... Shall find out what this dream is talking about another time.

Had a Vision
on , 9:44 AM

:: Need more Patience ::

I need more patience!!!! haha

Had a Vision
on Monday, September 05, 2011, 6:30 AM

:: Falling in Place ::

"At times when you feel like thing are falling apart, look again because in fact they may be falling into place."

Yesterday and for some time ever since I step into this, I call it the Olega Mt Dungeon. I've been treated like a prisoner of some sort. Everything seems to be falling apart, yesterday was super jialat I almost cried while I explain the situation I'm in. So thank God, I had a very smart meimei who has great IQ and EQ to listened to my thoughts aloud and help me to conclude and realise what is really important and what I should do. So I decided. I took action.

Today I'm so happy. Cos from one moment everything that seems to be falling apart, suddenly falls in place perfectly. I shall share the details of the good news another time. clock strikes 12. GTG!

Thank you God. You still love me...

Had a Vision
on Friday, September 02, 2011, 12:11 AM

:: Immigrant Dream ::

I had another bad dream... I dreamt that I was going home from dunno where, probably batam. Then the counter stopped me and said I was holding a fake passport and they wouldn't let me through. The counter lady gave a disgusted look and called me "Another batam immigrant" and told me to take your ticket and go back to where you came from I was insulted and thought maybe the machine spiolt and confuse as to how am I to go back if I don't have a ticket to board the ferry. Then I'd be stuck in between.

So I just went to another counter and the same thing happened. But this time my family were with me and they tried to help me talk. Then something wierd happened. There was thing blutac thingy. The counter lady, a different one, took a funny looking cane stick and whack the blutac thing which belonged to each person's identity of some sort and popped out a pill. Like the cold medicine shape and white color. Somehow I knew that it belonged to my mom and they were like transfering it to me. Then I ask my mom how? They say nvm, don't worry. It's because ur identity have expired, your mom will help you to renew yours.

I stunned as I continue to watch how she makes the transferring cos she was moulding the blutac thing into many shapes and color, green the orange and into a honeycomb. The melding process somehow had some problem and the pill just didn't get mixed in so she called for help... I was still in a state of confusion and I woke up suddenly going... what the **** was that all about?

Had a Vision
on Saturday, August 20, 2011, 11:12 AM

:: Many Room Dream/Nightmare ::

This wasn't really a dream in the end, it became a nightmare! I was trying to go home in this dream, and through a door which led to a room, it was a simple room. I went to sleep in the room and woke up then I went to open the other door on the other side of the room and end up in another room, it was a big room, bigger than my whole house combined. There were 2 idiots dressed in ninja black telling me to keep quiet, they wanna steal stuff. So I went back to the door where I came from but when I opened it, I ended up in someone else's room. There was this old wizard looking man who was combing his beard or something so I closed the door feeling confused. I was still in the big room with the 2 idiots and went ahead to the other side of the room to the other door which brought me to another similar simple room where I lied down to sleep but couldn't take the smell of the bed, it belonged to some army boy's smell, very smelly. So I went back to the door and realized it was still the same big room, the 2 idiots still snooping ard but didn't talk to me, so i went ahead and hope to get back to my simple room to sleep but this time it was locked.

Then suddenly, the 2 idiots went to hide cos somehow they knew the owner was coming home. The owners, 2 giant malay dudes 3 times my size and slightly taller than me came into their home and greeted me like they know me or they're just being friendly then they realize something is wrong and started scanning the place with some weird device that produce fire on one end but did not burn anything. With that, they found a notebook that belonged to one of the idiots, they become furious and I don't know why I started running ...

Through the many doors and rooms until I found a room where I saw my gf, she was dead, she had a big hole in the middle of her chest like she was stabbed by a pipe. The blood was dry, it wasn't bloody, her skin was healthy, her eyes was opened, but she was motionless and silent. I panicked run to her grab her and try to convinced myself she is alive then I realized I was in a room filled with her, like clones, and all dead... Then I heard some weird music and was awoken in cold sweat by the awful song ka music downstairs...

Had a Vision
on Wednesday, August 17, 2011, 10:01 AM

:: Happy Day! ::

Today my gf made me pasta... yummy!

Had a Vision
on Monday, August 15, 2011, 2:15 AM

:: How to Avoid Getting Nightmares ::

Many nightmares are caused by a traumatic event such as the loss of a loved one, a physical illness, stress or even prescription medication. Follow these tips to sweet dreams.

Avoid Getting Nightmares

Instructions

- 1
  Relax before bedtime. Meditate, take a hot bath, drink herbal tea or do mild stretching exercises.
- 2
  Clear your mind of worries. Make a list of problems and possible solutions, and then look at them the next day.
- 3
  Avoid watching the evening news, horror movies or movies with graphic violence right before bed.
- 4
  Eat a light snack such as milk or yogurt. Both contain calcium and tryptophan, which can have a relaxing effect.
- 5
  Avoid fatty and spicy foods, which could cause gas and, in turn, nightmares.
- 6
  Give up smoking. Nicotine has been linked to certain sleep disorders.
- 7
  Stop using any drugs that are not essential to your health and well-being.
- 8
  Write down your nightmare when you wake up in a dream journal. Try to figure out how it relates to your life at present to prevent it from recurring.

Had a Vision
on Saturday, August 13, 2011, 12:26 PM

:: Ready to climb mountain dream ::

Had a dream that I was in army and was selected for having the best endurance or tolerance level in the company and was given a special challenge to climb a 30km high mountain. I started making preparation for the climb, wore an extra sweater in my t-shirt. Calculated the rough distance and mentally psyche myself up for the climb. Then just when I was about start the climb I realized I made an error in my calculation, I actually had to walk a total of 60km oppose to the 30km because I had to climb back down which made me feel unprepared. Then I woke up.

My Interpretations
It seems that I am about to encounter a great challenge which I may have underestimated the difficulty. On the bright side, I have finally reach the mountain after a long journey.

Had a Vision
on Monday, August 08, 2011, 11:20 AM

:: Got no money, no money ::

Siao liao... my bank left only 54 bucks for now till 20th... how on earth did this happen??!!

Other than that, I'm already halfway to my end of year goal! =D

Had a Vision
on Saturday, August 06, 2011, 12:29 AM

:: Praying for you ::

Dear Heavenly Father,

I come forth you with great sadness, faith and hope. I believe you already know why. So I pray you would heal her this very hour on earth. In Jesus Christ name I pray, amen.

Had a Vision
on Monday, August 01, 2011, 10:53 AM

:: Are You Ready For Love? ::

A good relationship isn't a game you play or an ego trip you take. It is about love and two people. Loving someone can give us the greatest joy we can ever know and it can hurt more than we can believe too. When it does not really hurt when that person did something disappointing to you, but really hurts when you see that person in pain and sadness, then you know you truly love that person.   

Loving someone means you should be ready to experience heartache and happiness at the same time. That's the reward and that's the risk. Unless we are willing to experience it, we will never really know what it's like to love and be loved.   

Sharing love is probably the most valuable and meaningful experience a person can ever have. And there's a difference between being in love with someone and loving someone. It's the difference between a love that's fickle, wild and short-lived and one that's tender and passionate, nurturing and lasts a long time. The first is easy. The second, the one that really matters to all of us, takes work -- because it's about keeping a relationship.   

Loving someone takes efforts. We have to be able to communicate with each other. Nobody can read anyone else's mind. We always presume that our partner knows what we think and feel. Maybe in time we might be able to predict or sense each other's thoughts but it's never perfect and takes time to develop.   

Getting the chance to love and be loved by someone is blessed. Respect him/her for who he/she is, and not what you want him/her to be. Everyone is pretty and special in his/her own special way. No one is perfect. It is true love, which closes the gap of imperfectness to form a smooth surface of acceptance for each other. True love sees and accepts a person for who he/she is. It is also true love, which makes a person change for the better.   

The power of true love to a person is undeniable.   

A relationship needs commitments too. What is love without commitments from each other anyway? It's like principles and values. Everyone has them but they only mean as much as we are willing to stand for them.   

The same goes for our commitments to relationships, and the person we love.   

"Love is like an antique vase. It's hard to find, hard to get, but easy to break."   

Every day everywhere, people fall in love ... but just how many of these relationships are self-sacrificing love, and not just relationships which are formed only for the intense feeling of falling in love? I know hundreds of friends who say the magical words "I love you"... but more often than not, the truth is just -- I am IN love with you. There is a difference between being in love with someone and loving someone. If a person says he/she is in love with you, he/she means that he/she likes you for who you are now and he/she fell in love with you because of the present you.  

This kind of love is temporary and lasts only as long as the fairytale lasts. When fairy godmother comes in at midnight to whirl us back to reality, we see the heartache of such a relationship... where both were only IN love with each other.   

But if a person says he/she loves you, he/she means that he/she loves you unconditionally for who you are now, who you were in the past and who you might be in the future. When he/she says he/she loves you and really means it, you have to ask yourself if you love him/her too or if you're in love with the idea of being in love. It is very hard to see the difference through logical thinking. Let your heart guide you. May you be blessed on your soul-searching journey for your soulmate.

And today I'm proud to say I love Ann Choo, and despite her past I still love her and finally, this weekend after having much thoughts of the worst and realize I will love her no matter what happens in the future...

Had a Vision
on , 12:53 AM

:: I'm a sick puppy yo! ::

Yesterday after work I felt sick... and wanted to just go home sleep but my mom ask me to go see doctor so I decided I should. Suddenly I felt this painful lonely feeling... but my gf decided to give up her appt for me. To accompany me to see the doctor, the lonely feeling gone! I still felt weak though. So my speed became slow motion. She accomodated my speed.

It was heartfelt. Though generally all my senses seems to have weaken but I could still feel her love when she sayang my face, my chest, my back and my hands, when she checking if I'm okay, when she rushed ahead to check if the nearby clinics accept Aviva, when she took the big risk of getting my germs and hugged me, and of cos when she didn't hit me when I was irritating. ^_^

I still feel sick today but I must go to work...

Had a Vision
on Thursday, July 28, 2011, 6:07 AM

:: Brandy - Right Here (Departed) ::

When you feel your heart's guarded
And you see the break's started
When the clouds have all departed
You'll be right here with me

B rock, uh, Darkchild
We back
You'll be right here with me

(Oh, oh, oh)
You'll be right here with me

When your life is going too fast
Off the train tracks
I can slow it down, oh

Just when you think your bout to turn back
'Stead you might crash
I'll be your ground, oh

Oh when you feel your heart's guarded
And you see the break's started
And when the clouds have all departed
You'll be right here with me

And when your tears are dry from crying
And when the world has turned silent
And when the clouds have all Departed
You will be right here with me.

(Oh oh oh)
I will be right here with you
You'll be right here with me
I will be right here with you
You'll be right here with me

When your trapped and there's just no key
And you can't breathe
I breathe for you

The fire's got you down on both knees
And the walls are closing in
But I will break it through

And when you feel alone
I'm a be your home
Whenevers comes and go
You know I got you

Oh when you feel your heart's guarded
And when you see the break's started
[ From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/b/brandy-lyrics/right-here-(Departed)-lyrics.html ]
And when the clouds have all departed
You'll be right here with me

(You'll see the sun)
And when your tears are dry from crying
And when the worlds turned silent
So when the clouds have all departed
You will be right here with me

I will be here right beside you
Every step you take, yea
I will be your strength, your shelter
Shield you from the rain

(Oh when you feel)
Oh when you feel your heart's guarded
And when you see the break's started
And when the clouds have all departed
You'll be right here with me

And when your tears are dry from crying
And when the worlds turned silent
So when the clouds have all departed
You will be right here with me

Oh when you feel your heart's guarded
And when you see the break's started
And when the clouds have all departed
You'll be right here with me

And when your tears are dry from crying
And when the worlds turned silent
So when the clouds have all departed
You will be right here with me

I will be right here with you
You'll be right here with me
I will be right here with you
You'll be right here with me

I will be right here with you
You'll be right here with me
I will be right here with you
You'll be right here with me, yea

Had a Vision
on Wednesday, July 27, 2011, 12:33 AM

:: Who's controlling our brains? ::

Long time never blog le... was surfing the web and found this! An optical illusion with black dots!

It's our mind playing tricks on us. I hate it! I can't believe OUR MIND is actually playing tricks on US! Like we have no control over our mind liddat... Then who's controlling our minds if not us?

Had a Vision
on , 12:16 AM

:: I'm not emo. ::

I'm not emo, I just cry alot.

No more eno nemo but the pain inside is really just too much...

I guess I'm really not as patient as what you think I am... I've been apologizing so much... I don't even know why this time. I always apologize first when it hurts me too but now it's really too much... I tot too highly of myself... why can't you understand and trust that making you pissed or unhappy is the last thing I ever want to do. I always try to make you happy because I really want you to be happy and thats the only thing I have on my mind when I'm with you... now you don't even give me a chance to rectify myself... I love you the way you are and I'm willing to change for you cos I love you and I know I'm not able to handle you but i'm doing my best to become that person who can but now I feel I'm not allowed to love you or you don't want me to love you anymore or am I loving you the wrong way?? o_O I'm truly confused!

I'm feeling like this now because I've fallen really deep and every little action, words and even silence is affecting me.

ARGH! SNAP OUT OF IT ANDREW!! SNAP OUT OF IT!!! WHERE'S THE NO EMOTIONS ARE ALLOWED TO CONTROL YOU??!!

SNAP OUT!! Chill... breathe... sleep... don't think about it...

Had a Vision
on Thursday, July 14, 2011, 1:15 AM

:: Can't sleep ::

I'm awake cos I'm affected cos I care cos I'm deeply in love...

I have lots more to write but I cannot have a reader who's gonna be affected so easily. I need to contemplate... my only source of self expression is being compromised... Can I really not say what I really feel like saying even here? How then can I release these suppressed feelings and words?

Oh well, last one before I migrate all negative thoughts to my private blog... which is an unwise move cos there's gonna be less communication and more miscommunication.

So many first time... and today marks another first time... I cried the most times over a girl.

Had a Vision
on , 1:03 AM

:: Love doesn't hurt, it's miscomm that hurts. ::

If love too much equates to care alot so much to get pissed for the longest time ever and choose to stay pissed and not give a chance for the other to redeem themselves over ego, then I guess the receiving end would be so happy to be loved so much the heart that the heart exploded.

I had this coming, I saw this in many relationships, I knew it was unavoidable yet I can't believe I had no clue how to deal with it...

The scenario I'm talking about is, girl gets pissed off at guy for some reason the guy has absolutely no idea yet it seems that it seems like it's the most obvious thing to the girl that she expects him to see, guy tries to find out but doesn't have a clue which makes the girl even more pissed cos to her it's as big as a mountain but yet the guy doesn't see it which eventually boils down to what I always conclude as MISCOMMUNICATION!

or rather lack of communication...

whatever happened to "6 Keys to a good relationship: friendship, freedom, honesty, trust, understanding, and communication."???

what happened to "A true friend is the only one there when the whole world leaves you."

what happened to "love is like flying a kite, hold to tight and the string breaks, too loose and it get blown away by the wind"

what happened to "honesty is the best policy"

what happened to "the problem is they don't trust each other..."

what happened to "Love allows understanding to dawn, and understanding is precious. Where you are understood, you are at home."

what happened to "we lack communication, we need to talk more..."

Had a Vision
on , 12:12 AM

:: Castle Dream ::

Dreamt I was living in a castle and was upset about some regimental thing related to the army... can't quite remember other details of the dream.

Some talkative guy was bragging non-stop about something but I stood behind a corner, leaning on the wall and couldn't be bothered with what he said cos I just couldn't agree.

Had a Vision
on Friday, July 08, 2011, 6:10 AM

:: Zombified ::

So so so so tired... slept around 3am and woke up around 5am... liddat how can... Thank God it's a Friday!

Feel so zombie...

Nite world! This zombie needs to Zzzz....

Had a Vision
on Saturday, July 02, 2011, 12:48 AM

:: Slow to speak ::

Listening and Doing

19 My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,
20 for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.

James 1:19-20

Had a Vision
on Friday, July 01, 2011, 6:34 AM

:: 3 piercing instances ::

I think I'm really the girl... I know I shouldn't be blogging this because a very important blog reader will be affected even if I ask her not to read, she still will but I also must get this out of my system to understand what is going on, 4get it and move on. These are unavoidable moments in life, the downs of a rollar coaster ride... But one thing different is I don't say and talk things out, it doesn't work for me either, I have to write them out...

Last night on the phone I had 3 instances where I held my tears back, I had to pause and swallow it up else I would have said the wrong thing and hurt the one I love. People say the worst things when they are angry.
I swallowed the first tear cos I was spoken to in a very upset tone yet I couldn't do the same cos that is not how I love someone. I felt unloved for a moment.
The second and third tear was when I realize how helpless and useless I am when I knew I couldn't protect someone I love and I knew I couldn't do anything to the someone I love to make her feel happy.
If you love someone, you would want them to be happy and carefree with no worries... especially when you're with them, no?

So the quickest solution was to divert the topic... I manage to lighten up for a moment when I finally hear a hint of laughter through the phone, I could picture a real smile and that made me genuinely happy for the moment as well. I will try hard to hold on to this instead of the former cos bad memories are not worth holding on to.

Anyway, I went to bath to cool myself down and told myself to not think about it, to not think so much but it didn't help cos these little moments were embed with emotions and much confusion. I always believe there is a cause for every effect but I couldn't find one at the moment. Therefore I always keep my emotions at bay, they are just do no good for me.

I always tell others to not cry, but in the end I'm the real cry baby when I finally tug into bed with the lights off, I burst into tears but cried quietly so to not let my family know...

I woke up but it seems the bad memories were still inside, I knew I had to write this down to make me feel better which it did... now I know why I don't write down the happy things cos I like to keep the happy things inside me while I throw out the bad ones. I cannot talk to people about sad moments because I know it will affect another. There is much power in our words. And great power comes with great responsibility. My verbal words must be used for value adding or for adding moments of happiness to others.

PEACE OUT! Feels good to blog! I'm good to go for work despite only having 2 hrs of sleep. =D

Bring it on world, you can't get me down that easily!

Had a Vision
on , 5:53 AM

:: when you say nothing at all- Ronan Keating ::

It's amazing
How you can speak
Right to my heart
Without saying a word,
You can light up the dark
Try as I may
I could never explain
What I hear when
You don't say a thing

[CHORUS:]
The smile on your face
Lets me know
That you need me
There's a truth
In your eyes
Saying you'll never leave me
The touch of your hand says
You'll catch me
Whenever I fall
You say it best
When you say
Nothing at all

All day long
I can hear people
Talking out loud
But when you hold me near
You drown out the crowd
(The crowd)
Try as they may
They could never define
What's been said
Between your
Heart and mine

[Repeat chorus twice]

(You say it best
When you say
Nothing at all
You say it best
When you say
Nothing at all)

The smile on your face
The truth in your eyes
The touch of your hand
Let's me know
That you need me

[Repeat chorus]

(You say it best
When you say
Nothing at all
You say it best
When you say
Nothing at all)

The smile on your face
The truth in your eyes
The touch of your hand
Let's me know
That you need me

(You say it best
When you say
Nothing at all
You say it best
When you say
Nothing at all)

Had a Vision
on Thursday, June 30, 2011, 11:13 AM

:: Picture This ::

I'm a very picture person. And I need to picture things. I have photographic memory, of events. I like to talk about perspective because everyone has a different view. What seems to be may not really be...

Anyways, I was browsing through the web and found some artworks that I like... my kind of style... I can't draw to that kind of style but I would very much like these pictures to be hung up in my house next time.

Wandering Through The Snow Mountains

Little Girl with the Gentle Stone Golem

Storm Dragon

Dawn Creeks

Jungle Ruins

Cliff Dragon

Cliff

Shore Tower

Gallant Knight VS Dragon

Impossible Alleyway

Digging Your Own Grave

Wanted to talk about dreams though... had a dream of death that I have yet to blog about...

Was doing some research and found out that...

Dreams often bring up all the things we do not want to think about, all things we push aside, all things that we repressed and suppress in the day while they press upon us.

Had a Vision
on , 1:13 AM