Fai†hfully Preparing my Fields for the Rain

:: Hmmm... ::

Alaamk! this morning jia la sei... i tot sch starts at 9 but actually is 8 then i wok up late lor n reached sch late oso lor... I oso learnt something very impt today... never sit behind during lectures... cos i WILL fall asleep..
During pool, Zhi Jin actually knew I was not in a good mood even though i fake a few smiles n laugh, he still could tell n even guess correctly what upsetted me.. haha... i think i spent too much time with him le.. haha.. Thx Bro!

Had a Vision
on Saturday, May 28, 2005, 12:03 AM

:: Why is the no. 3 seems so liddat 1 ar... ::

3rd day is strange... very strange... had to go sch at 9am for my first lesson, DYNSYS and the lecturer is called Andrew Kor... He moves about alot n says very cold jokes... Alamak! Then the whole day i like very sian liddat... i actually tot the second last lesson was my last n was about to leave until i heard my friend talking about the last lesson which is Apel2 which is taken by my last sem CP, Dexter Phang... he weird man.. telling us about his family n stuff... i was very sian n moody i anyhow say things during tt period, disagreeing everything the teacher says.. but he was still ok cos i still manage to say funny things... then at the last 15mis or so he asked the class, "So is there anything u owe me or i owe u" then guess wat i said. I said, "ya, our dismissal". i really wanted to just go already... then later at pool, i played really bad... rushed down to office to 'brainwash' myself cos i think i need it... discussion end at ard 11.30pm. Thank God! i manage to catch tt train which helped me to reach my bus stop just in time so tt i dun hafta take bus 240 back from there.

Had a Vision
on Friday, May 27, 2005, 1:28 AM

:: Day 2... ::

haha! the 2nd day is better than the first.. though i only got 4 hrs of sleep yesterday n my lessons start at 8am, Thank God! I'm still full of energy even at the last 3 lessons... n i know it's because "I can do everything through Him who gives me strength." - Philippians 4:13

First 4 hrs was lab, 1 shot 4 hrs is phew! i'm still alive! another thing to Thank God for... I oso got 2 more no. from 2 ppl... Yeow Sheng n his friend, Jerome.. Their nice ppl! not like tt girl who 'rejected' me... i ask her for her no. n she ask me why... den i blanked out?! shit! i got nervous n 4got cannot just take no. from girls liddat 1... especially those chio 1s... then i was force to make a very big decision just now during MTNPROJ1... I had to choose between knowing tt girl and give up on this subject cos her group members doesn't look like the very hardworking type... OR go to the best, productive group, still have 2 girls in the group and miss out the chance to save another lost soul.. In the end i chose the 2nd choice... n Thank God i did! this subject is really freakin difficult!!

K, so after the long 4hrs tt seemed like years, i have 4 hrs break b4 my next lesson?!! I ended 30 mins early so i went to buy books n I met an old friend, HuiLing from my church last time n got her no. n she told me to call her next time if i have long hr break then we can hang out or something.. woohoo! Actually Zhi Jin and i planned to go badminton, gym then pool since he oso end at 12 but plan terminated! My juniors called to ask for my help about buying books and application for ez-link... we went to mensa eat first n tt's where i met Bruce n got his no. (tt makes 4 no. today), then we went for pool only(5th day again starting from saturday), this time I played really well! hah!

Later at 4pm, i went back to school for my CDS, Sociology n Thank God! Linus was the same class as me... so tt means i dun hafta go through this sem alone like last sem.. YAY!! then during lecture i saw quite a few familiar faces... like Christine, Ryan, Pei Ying, and a few of Samantha's last sem classmates... hmm... i wonder if they're here to spy on me... heeZ! thinking too much again.. n tt's all for today... Another thing i'd like to thank God is tt unusually, after i reach home, i'm still full of energy! jumping ard like some monkey, doing push-ups and some household chores... =)

Had a Vision
on Wednesday, May 25, 2005, 9:49 PM

:: First day of 2.1 in poly ::

Hah! i got quite a good start for my first day... met my junior on the bus n told him stuffs bout life in poly, things they teach, ect. then i reached school 30mins early(i tot i was gonna be late), met Edmund in library, printed my timetable n Zhi Jin 1. 4 hrs in school today, first 2 was BNT lab which is good cos i see alot of familiar faces(i didn't expect this either) only 1 girl in our class again... n of course i sat beside her! haha!! then later 2 lectures i see lots of familiar faces as well.. yay! and overall i got 2 new no. from 2 girls! haha! went for pool and lost only once this time.. haha! n tt once was because i so unlucky, i open ball, 3 balls went in along with the black 1.. hah! never happened b4... after school then movie(star wars episode III) later at 7.15 with Joyce and Patrick. After the movie i almost lost my handphone but Thank God! Patrick was there to help me look for it... haha! He found it of course.. phew!

Had a Vision
on Tuesday, May 24, 2005, 11:55 PM

:: Oh my! Guys HAVE mood swings! ::

K, sorry GentleSquall... an update!
Wednesday - Canoeing, 5th day of consecutive pool.
Thursday, Friday - Mentor for TP ENG orientation.
Satuday - Cell group, pool again.
Sunday - Service, and yup! pool again.

K, Canoeing.. HAH! I said any1 who shares the same boat with me will be capsized and i'm rite!! haha! well, i planned to capsize the boat when we're way out the sea but i didn't cause WenYan was wearing her contact lens and i was kinda scared to capsize the boat.. =S
But i still manage to do it... accidently.. cos the wind was big and so were the waves, so when we're about to go out to sea i pushed the boat too far out b4 i got on and when i "jumped" up the boat, it capsized... not once but TWICE!! haha... so funny.. but i pity WY... only our boat capsized.. ZhiJin partner my mei and LiYao parntered Paul who were the best pair as they got ahead of us all the time especially at the end when at first I and WY row very far out the sea then we took off our life-vest to 'sun-tan' and somehow we drifted near to the shore in a few mins i think but it was rather far from the canoeing rental place so we had to canoe back to the place which we had no idea where it is and the wind was getting bigger as well as the waves which made our journey back rather difficult... we reached 1 of the shore which i tot was it so we got off then realise it wasn't! haha so we push out the boat again and "SPLASH!!" i capsized again... haha! this time was worst cos there were big waves and they just keep knocking us down but we still manage to get out! yay! After we finally reach the place to return the boat and our 2 hrs were up, we were totally worned out but Thank God! the uncle was kind enough to let us use the resort's bathroom or else we had to walk a few hundred metres to reach the nearest 1. Later we went to the i 4got what it's called place to have our dinner which was not far from where we were to have our dinner then chin beng msg me, "Pool later?". Yay! 5th day le... Overall it's a FUNtastic day except when we were playing pool halfway and Evan came to ask me about me and Samantha... and they were playing the freakin song, "Lonely"...

K, for the orientation... I finally know wat it felt like being a mentor trying to make the class cheer.. haha.. i guess i'm the type of people who just must experience something b4 i will understand.. haha.. well anyway it was fun, me and Edmund, slacking most of the time, opening our mouths but not cheering, walking around the sch, bringing our class to eat while the rest of the sch is cheering their hearts out, drank lots of free milo until we had to go toilet, thursday was from 8am to 10pm at night! and friday was from 10-10... so tired manZ! but it's it still good, I manage to survive these 2 long days which somehow seems short cos.. it's over now! haha..

Saturday and Sunday was rather different cos most of the adults went for church camp except for our youth pastor and leaving the youths dominant. haha! saturday i received a msg from Edmund, "Pool later?"... k, if it i didn't went for the orientation, i think i would have went to play pool for those days as well, hah! Sunday service was great, I see some new faces on the stage... and 1 thing I learnt during the preaching was tt sometimes we just have to trust God tt He will give us the best despite what we think... believing in Him when it's just so difficult to make some choices sometimes... cos He might tell us to do irrational things in times of troubles tt we think might make the situation worst but in God's case, it is perfect! John 2:1-11 was when Jesus performed his first miracle by turning water into wine - He told the servants to pour water into the jars then serve them to the master of the banquet which they did as instructed in the end leading to a miracle... serving water would most definitely ruin the whole wedding banquet but the servants just do what Jesus told them to do.

Had a Vision
on Sunday, May 22, 2005, 8:29 PM

:: Drowning ::

Don't pretend you're sorry
I know you're not
You know you got the power
To make me weak inside
Girl you leave me breathless
But it's okay 'cause
You are my survival
Now hear me say
I can't imagine life
Without your love
Even forever don't seem
Like long enough'

Cause everytime I breathe
I take you in
And my heart beats again
Baby I can't help it
You keep me
Drowning in your love
Everytime I try to rise above
I'm swept away by love
Baby I can't help it
You keep me
Drowning in your love

Maybe I'm a drifter
Maybe not'
Cause I have known the safety
Of floating freely
In your arms
I don't need another lifeline
It's not for me'
Cause only you can save me
Oh can't you see
I can't imagine life
Without your love
And even forever don't seem
Like long enough'

Cause everytime I breathe
I take you in
And my heart beats again
Baby I can't help it
You keep me
Drowning in your love
Everytime I try to rise above
I'm swept away by love
Baby I can't help it
You keep me
Drowning in your love

Go on and pull me under
Cover me with dreams, yeah
Love me mouth to mouth now
You know I can't resist'
Cause you're the air
That I breathe'

Cause everytime I breathe
I take you in
And my heart beats again
Baby I can't help itYou keep me
Drowning in your love
Everytime I try to rise above
I'm swept away by love
And baby I can't help it
You keep me
Drowning your love

Had a Vision
on Friday, May 20, 2005, 12:00 AM

:: haha... hahaha! ::

Feeling better already... 4 days!! I played pool everyday from saturday... till tmr i think i'm still playing... n i see great improvement... in my pool skill... and.. yup tt's it..

Had a Vision
on Tuesday, May 17, 2005, 11:55 PM

:: The fear of falling in love and being in love ::

My deepest most greatest fear, I still cannot overcome... Philophobia.
I am Andrew which means courage! my foot!! *sad* Wat happened to my freakin courage just now! The word 'hug' can't even come out of my mouth... only air... *more sad* my body didn't even move! not even a nod from my head! I should change my name to "Poop!" *very sad* Left with tears crying out? no! I was crying inside and it so freakin hurts... *extremely sad* a I needed help immediately! but couldn't find any... hence my interview was a flung! *worst* but there was a ray of hope... I finally receive a call...

A game of pool did help to keep me distracted... but after losing the last game, it comes back to haunt me. *depressed* How I wish I had that MIB flash thingy so that I can erase these horrible horrible memories... How I wish my head was like sims, with a click of a button I can delete them away...

On my way back, received a few calls and msg asking about my "GF" which i painfully announced that we "brokeup"... *dying for comfort* Tried to convince myself that this is a just a "break", a holiday type of break and not the type that hurts! but my attempt was wasted... *dying* something I calculated for so long - theory on love. I underestimated the power it holds, the blinding light on my eyes, the endless pitfall, the tonnes of weight on the fragile human heart and the beautiful wonders it brings...

Enlightened, I am... I finally know why Getting Dumped Hurts! Though I wasn't dumped, I had something simlilar which my mind/heart deceive me that it is! and having that kind of pain is terrible... Thank you God.. you gave me tears to cry out with...

Had a Vision
on , 12:18 AM

:: The arrogant beggar ::

Once there was a man who always gives $10 to a beggar he walks pass everyday. Years later, this man reduced this amount to $5, then not long after reduced to $1.

Then one day, the beggar ask the man what happened, "I thought you used to give me $10. Why did it went down to $5 and now, $1?"

The man explained that after he got married he had to save up to look after his wife so he reduced to $5, then when he started to have children, he had to save up more to buy milk and other stuffs to take care of the child.

But the beggar furiously replied, "Nonsense! How can you use my money to feed your family!"

Funny?
Often, we are like the beggar... taking God's grace for granted thinking that that is what God should do for us...

Had a Vision
on Monday, May 16, 2005, 1:10 AM

:: Growing up is a process not a desitination. ::

How to grow up and be a better person? Andrew is jotting down in case he 4gets it 1 day...

To be or not to be? THAT is not the question, coz i have no idea what tt means...

-What am I here on earth for is the question.
-Life is about asking quality question to myself.
-A better person simply makes the better choices in life.
-Happiness is not a feeling, it's a choice! I choose to be happy simply because being happy is better.
-If I must choose between A and B, I choose C... There is always another way.
-Stop thinking so much and do something today! tmr might not come...
-We all live to die... so live like we were dying, make everyday worth living for.
-I must do something today, I must make a difference! If I can't, I must! If I must, I will!
-Falling down is not an excuse for stopping, get up and get going!
-Run faster and catch up with the rest, A bird flys more effectively in flocks.

Had a Vision
on Saturday, May 14, 2005, 3:00 PM

:: Haiz... ::

Haiz... is rite... Friday the 13th!!
It's truely an amazing day... I finally received the call from Life bookshop asking me to come down for interview on monday, 4pm and well, I excitedly said "ok! nP!". Then I remembered I promised my sis to go zoo with her to celebrate her BD! Alamak! I guess we'll just haf2 go earlier in the morning.. I just hope the others won't mind...

Then I receive a msg from CK, asking for my help on tuesday with his shots. woo-hoo! photographer asst. is not exactly my cup of tea but I get to learn alot from travelling around with him, he meet all sorts of ppl... from clubs to big companies like Panasonic taking pictures of ppl, products, even the machines... the last time we had to wear this weird suit tt covers the whole body just to go into this big room full of machines to take picture of the machines and sometimes he'll ask me to poise as 1 of the factory workers using the machine.. haha..

Later, Pastor Warren called again to check up on me and to confirm with me if I was going for his service tonight.. At tt point I was already being tempted not to go but Thank God for giving me wisdom to differenciate good and evil. I quickly changed and was on my way... Thank God tt I went cos the service was amazing but still the youths are as usual, not very responsive except for a few. There were about 70 youths and some of them were black?! Hallelujah! Pastor Warren was preaching tt night but he was wearing casual?! ok.. if God's ok, I'm ok...

Anyway, Friday 13th only starts near midnight... Samantha told me her father ain't very happy bout something I did or rather didn't do... then... haiz... I'll remember this day.

Had a Vision
on , 2:55 PM

:: Yup! Another exciting adventure with Andrew! ::

Last night, Joyce msg me n ask if i wanna go eat breakfast then explains tt she's gonna return library book but doesn't want to come tamp just for tt, so i went lor... but i also dun want to go out just to have breakfast, so i ask Zhijin if i could go his house n he was ok so i was ok with breakfast n she told me tt "i'm the best" which really made me felt much better... I finally knew how much goodness can come from a compliment. =)

On my way, Warren, the american pastor i met at pentecost service called me to check on how i was doing (spiritually), i was getting better n assured him.. with a normal mood, i reached the mrt station a few mins late where we're suppose to meet, n she msg me to tell me she's going to return the library book first *pissed* i tot she did tt b4 we're suppose to meet... i called her to tell her i'm on my way to the library then, i reached, msg her and she called me to say she's on her way back to the interchange *pisser* then told me to meet her at the traffic light. I ren!! we finally met, but haven't decide where to have breakfast n since i didn't wanted to walk so far we decided on burger king. Then the person who serve me was still in training i think... he jumbled up my order like 4getting to change my drink to barley *pisser* but i could see him really trying so b4 i left i told him "you're the best!" which made him smile which also makes me smile which makes me realise the the verse "Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones." -Proverbs 16:24, anyway we chatted for bout an hr then i had to leave.

After I reached Zhijin house, we played PS then he feel asleep soon after (as usual) play, play, play until bout 6 when i need to leave cos he was meeting his gf for movie then ask me if i wanted to stay overnight to finish the game, i tot for awhile and ok! why not! since we're going to Queenstown tmr to register for our basic theory test (finally), then i left for home to prepare...

While waiting for his call, i played Sims2, downloading all the stuffs i downloaded halfway until my comp crashed yesterday. After having my dinner, he told he has something on and told me not to come so, ok! nvm! as i grumbled about my hair being comb nice nice liao n all dressed up... *very pissed* i went to bath n keep telling myself i'm "positive & optimistic". I came out n he msg me telling me he's on his way home now n ask if i still wanna come... I simply replied, "I washed my hair liao lor"

Knowing my mood at the moment would definitely keep me awake, so i switched on to some christian songs, read my 'Prime time with God' article in my email until I read something tt really hit me...

Remember how the Lord your God led you all the way in the desert these forty years, to humble you and to test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep His commands. ~ Deuteronomy 8:2

Thank you God... for reminding me tt this is all just a test... =')

Had a Vision
on Thursday, May 12, 2005, 2:34 PM

:: No wonder it's called blue monday... ::

k, first an update...
saturday - skip archery, skip cell, skip QT. Reason: Dunno got archery anot, creating sim2 character, helping sis with maths cos her exam on monday, sick, tired. Reason given: sick and helping sis with her maths. (problem seen in my faith)

sunday - tempted not to go church but still went and thank God i went. I learnt tt
1. Our brothers and sisters in the body of christ are here for us to 'enjoy' and not to 'endure' the relationship.
2. We need to pray for courage to correct people when they are not doing what is right in the Lord.
3. Praising and encouraging people does not make their ego fly high, it makes them move on.
then our cell members took turns to give each other praise and encouragement - something i really needed now! =)
I totally 4got it was mother's day until the pastor reminded me... so after service, i went to buy something from Mount Zion. It's best feature is the chinese word tt says, "Mothers are God's grace". Then i went to Zhijin house help him play chrono cross... something i promised some time ago. Until i realise it's about 9 and i haven't buy the mother days' cake so i quickly rushed down to White Sands and praise the Lord! it's still open with only ONE coffee cake left. Thank you God, even though i drew away from you, you're still by my side n always there to hear my prayers.

monday - waked up early ready to go for gym but didn't. Reason: tired, internet didn't work last night so dunno got training anot, wanted to finish sims2 project and give to Sam, still sick. Read my 30+ emails tt i've ignored for past few days until i came across 1 tt reminded me of some1, his name is Warren, an american youth pastor whom i met at the pentecost service i went to a few weeks ago. So, i msg him if we could meet up sometime this week n replied today he's on leave n so we met up. I told him bout my drop in faith n he agreed to help me... praying for me, calling me to check up on me every 2 days, ask me to go for his service this friday, coming to my cell this saturday, n also agreed to mentor me 1 on 1. Praise the Lord! just what i needed... after ending with an incredible prayer tt filled me up with holy spirit, we went our ways. I went to Samamntha's house to have dinner n try to grasp another chance at talking with her parents but failed. So, i play sims she play guitar but my mind wasn't playing sims... but i can't seem to remember wat i was thinking about... chat with Sam at night but mind still blank...

.........

Had a Vision
on Tuesday, May 10, 2005, 4:40 PM

:: Another exciting day at Sam's house! ::

*yawn*
yup! exciting day!*yawn*

first lemme update last 2 days activity... hmm...

!!!!
Once again, I've escaped this dreaded reality tt God has created for me to TEST my faith and yet I actually put myself into isolation for 2 whole days?!! playing Sim2?!! then I delete the file?!! what?!! let me see... yup! *slaps myself* wasted precious time tt God has given me...
I just hope she likes the characters I put so much effort into... *sigh*

Well, anyway! Today at Sam's house was simply amazing! *yawn* I wanted to do BS but I had no resources at hand, so nothing to teach... sorri guys. So I said, "Let's have an outing!" Chee Gim's ok with anything... but little miss Cinderella didn't 'feel' like going out. So, "ok then!" I said. We went her house to watch movie - Lord of the Rings part 2 and 3. Part three was what I wanted to watch... i dunno why i always watch halfway like the matrix, i also didn't watch revolutions. *sigh* Anyway, Lord of the Rings was truly amazing! *yawn* I have totally no idea why i spent 6 hrs sitting down listening to them mumbling about... what?!! well, at least the fighting and graphics is good... and not to mention the pizza! Thanks Sammo! I just luurrve pizza! =)

Worst thing tt happened today which is also the best thing, I'm freakin SICK!! no one noticed...

Had a Vision
on Friday, May 06, 2005, 11:55 PM

:: long day... long day... haiz... ::

kaoZ! everything starting to happen now... so fast, so slow, i'm sane, i'm insane, so little time, so much to do...
morning wake up at 8am, prepare until ard 9.45am left to have breakfast at downtown mac with Sam. I thought i was gonna be late but Thank God! when i reach downstairs, the bus came... then she tell me her mom joining, i was shocked, i was surprised, happy, unhappy, i dunno what i felt... too many things on my mind... After breakfast, we went to suntec... actually i wanted to delay some time by walking to the interchange, but because her mom came along and it was hot. then i had no choice but to walk ard suntec... Thank God! she started playing sims or i won't know what to talk about also... My initial plan was completely different from what happened today! Everything! ='( but thank God! i'm still here writing this... I would have gone crazy and jump off or something... but instead, I turn into Squall again... Sam was the victim today... haha...

it's very bad to spend so much time with a girl a day especially during at night...
treat all women with complete purity, the bible says... i broke all the rules today! ='(
12hrs with sam, played with her hair, held her hands when playing with her... haiz... but Thank God! I still manage to reach home safely... Thank you Jesus... and forgive me for trying to have things my way... I forgot, i'm not God, i'm just me! a simple human being who have sinned...

Had a Vision
on Wednesday, May 04, 2005, 3:27 PM

:: BSTC... Wow!! ::

Wow!! BSTC is da best!! I think honestly think it's better than SCS... though SCS is equally amazing, fun and emotional. BSTC is much more fun and emotional... I finally found my core motivation there...

I MUST succeed because I want the girl I love to be the happiest girl in the world.
If I can't, I must! If I must, I will!

The reason why I keep moving on... why i can't stop finding ways to improve myself... why I can't find the reason to give up... why I keep standing up after each fall...
Though this is might be a risky "core motivation"... I don't care, cos it doesn't matter if she is not with me, cos i know i'm doing it for her. As long as she's happy... as long as she's happy...

K, back to BSTC... argh! my leader never tell me bout it, then Desiree told me only last min! which is fri night then i registered... I didn't had any preview n so i didn't set any goals for this BSTC... I easily got the leadership position but when i realize i dun have a goal, i cannot lead anyone cos i had no destination... n so i gave up my position, which really pull me down even more cos now nobody is looking at me... i felt left out, n couldn't put in my best into my team which seriously affected our team's progress... BUT slowly when the S2 made us realise it's about the bonding of the team tt matters even more, we started to get stronger! haha! I suddenly felt more lively on the second day! then in the end though we didn't win... i actually didn't want to leave cos the whole batch of people was just starting to bond together as one... oh well, i'll just hafta wait for the next 1... hopefully, everything would go well on tuesday...

Had a Vision
on Tuesday, May 03, 2005, 5:53 PM