Fai†hfully Preparing my Fields for the Rain

:: Ugh! ::

Ugh! i feel sick... or maybe it's just my mind playing tricks on me... wat shall i blog today... nothing! i'm just a fucked up son, lousy brother, lost fren n lonely boy... sobz...

Had a Vision
on Wednesday, April 12, 2006, 12:58 AM

:: the anger saga continues... ::

i had a series of dream, i remembered me getting really upset becos some1 from church called biquan ge, who tore up my money tt i wanted to use for something then he sort of liked it but when i exploded n kinda scold him, he kinda apologies n return the pieces of money back to me... i quickly tried to piece them back together while analysing how weird the pictures on the money looked, there were "fu lu shou" n i think i saw "zhu ba jie" then b4 i piece them together i was taken away by the police...

the next dream was abt when i am feeling really upset, then my dearest ah hui kept saying good things abt me but i continued to be angry...

these dreams simply makes no sense at at in real life except what i really am feeling rite now... bi quan ge is a worship leader n i've never really talked to him b4, the second dream occured at the void deck of my old house n my sis hardly is free to care abt his bro... T_T stupid world! all ur fault!

this morning i woke up logged in to msn, sijia talked to me n tried to cheer me up as she saw my name on msn... she risked getting hurt just to comfort me n i was deeply touched n surprised tt she still cared, but the conversation didn't last long cos i was still pissed as i didn't hear the right words...

then i went into the toilet n got more pissed when MY toothbrush was stuck! some1 put an armpit hair clipper beside it causing them to be stuck in the small hole, i used some strength n knocked some things off onto the groud, while i brush my teeth i saw my eyes filled with anger i've never seen for a very long time, i think i'll stay at home for today b4 any1 gets hurt cos tt's the last thing i want to do...

Had a Vision
on Thursday, April 06, 2006, 3:01 PM

:: ARGH!!!! ::

firstly, the below content will be rated M18 as there will be some violence involved, so pls stop reading if u find it offensive.

FUCKED UP!! wat a fucked up day! fucked up mom! fucked up dad! fucked up house! fucked up family! fucked up life! fucked up neighbor! fucked up people! fucked up friends! fucked up classmates! fucked up schoolmates! fucked up guys! fucked up girls! fucked up world! fucked up school! to me everything's so fucking fucked up today!!

hmmm... tt doesn't seems to be enough.. yet the very thought of today feels like thousands of arrows piercing thru me.. so i shan't utter a word of wat today was like nor share anything tt happen today... all i CAN do is change myself and i pray tt God will help me... let's list how to change myself, how to be a better person, how to live a life tt will bring smiles to people, how to live a life selflessly, how to glorify God's name...

i try n try n try again n again n again, but i simply cannot keep up with life... days r passing by, people r dieing, soon i'll face death too BUT b4 tt... wat did i do on earth? wat's the purpose? 1 of my frens said is to have a good job, marry a good spouse, have a good family, raise up good children... is tt really all?? but then again, it's not easy, has any1 done it? -end of runting

Prayer: Heavenly Father, i need you!! please take control of my life! Make me realise how not important are the things that does not matter, and how important the things that really matters. Cease my anger, take control of me. Let the fruit of the Holy Spirit grow from within me and thus, strenghten me once again so i may face another day with assurance that you are with me today guiding me and directing me on the path that glorifies your name, thank you. In Jesus name, amen.

btw, iris if u're reading this, thx! when u told me i'm stronger than i really am... it means alot to me...

to the rest, i know i'm arrogant, i know i like to self praise but tt's becos i dun hear enough from YOU people who only look on the glass half empty instead of the glass is half full... who look at the little dirt on the white shirt instead of the white shirt... who sees only the problem and blame instead of the solution... who search out only the flaws instead of searching out the talents... NOBODY'S perfect wat! tt's y i say u all fucked up manz! gd nite u fuckers!

again, i'd like to apologise for the imaturity of the content... this is my blog, my story.

Had a Vision
on , 1:12 AM