Fai†hfully Preparing my Fields for the Rain

:: how? ::

it's a new week, i have nothing to write in my log book cos i spent my last week playing game...

yesterday, i realise i really have some dishonoring God type of fucking thought that i have just gotta fucking get rid of b4 it fucking kills me... there're fucking still there!! after 3 seconds is all i can let it be there, if i dun ignore it, it's gonna fucking engulf me! n so many times i failed... 20 year old liao... still liddat... must grow up...

finally, CHANGE WHAT?!!! if any1 out there oso reading my entries found a flaw in my character, kindly tell me, i'd really like to change into a better person... dun tell me bullshit stuff like, "it's for u to find out" you're really not helping... but more of making it worst... now i angry liao... i'm gonna blow up anytime today i think... i just hope nobody gets hurt...

Had a Vision
on Monday, July 31, 2006, 8:40 AM

:: Still young, still learning n still waiting... ::

i watched 2 movie on saturday, 1 was 'The lake house' n another was in cell, 'tong meng qi yuan'

the lake house is a romance/drama type of movie, 2 lovers met at the lake house through a mail, but they are 2 years apart, so they cannot meet... slowy they learn about each other n they tries to meet up but they can't... cos he died, but she dunno, so she tot they were not to be just becos that 1 meeting he didn't come... she chose to 4get him, but he still remembers her, he still likes her, until he reached her time, n she finally realise why that meeting didn't work out was becos he died, she tries to prevent him from dying, n well, it was a happy ending, the past was changed, n he didn't die, happy ending... the morale of the story i think is, 'life is short' or issit 'don't hold back your love' or maybe it's 'cherish everything u have'

these were all the things i learnt from tong meng qi yuan... plus, 'there cannot be 1 member lost in a family'... recieving the same msg from 2 different movies directed at 2 different time n 2 different language, 2 different person, watched on a single day... i think God is telling me something...

there is something i haven't done... something is so close, it's right in front of my eyes that i'm thinking days n night figuring out what it is! even Ai Qing jie read my previous blog entries n told me there's something i didn't do... but WHAT IS IT?!! she dun wanna tell me... i really dunno...

i'm still young, still learning, still waiting...
young n confused about life,
want to learn more but not being taught,
n no idea waiting for what...

Had a Vision
on Sunday, July 30, 2006, 7:50 AM

:: Chickened Out ::

i said i 'd take the leap but i didn't, i chickened out... i guess maybe i'm not that strong after all...
or maybe i'm easily influenced by my surrounding... i recieved a msg from my cell leader, faith, the sms wrote. 'Hi! take care and be good!' at around 2am b4 she flew on saturday morning... i 4got she was flying... i recieved the same sms fowarded by meixia... so i reflected if i was not being good... in the end, i chickened out... i was good...

Lord, let your will be done...

Had a Vision
on , 7:39 AM

:: A New Beginning? ::

haha! it's about time! finally a new blog template... took the whole day to make it... made the background with photoshop, having 2 pictures FUsion together! hmmm... nice word! "fusion"
moved the blog div abit here n there... n placed 4 tabs, 3 of which are rather obvious... another 1 is hidden! muahahaha! i wonder why i hide it anyway...
blue rose not gay hor! it's rare! wanted to put bluemoon rose, but i think tt's even gay... so never put... wanted to put blue moon 1...

Did you know there is really such a thing as a blue moon! it's the second full moon in a month n happens every 4 years! though it's not blue though... BUT! there is also such thing as a blue colored moon that happened dunno when when a volcano erupted n the smoke made the moon look blue! this kind of occurance don't happen all the time, n thus the phrase, 'once in a blue moon' meaning rare.

argh! spent too much time on these nonsense... i hope i don't get critisize... T_T
need to start work le...

Had a Vision
on Thursday, July 27, 2006, 8:43 AM

:: what the?! ::

yesterday edmund receive a call from dunno who saying he won first prize which is an ipod nano! is like what the?! make me jealous seh... so i joined the next contest! grr!

i wanted a new phone then my mom says use hers, which is like 3rd hand liao loh... but nvm! i just dun wanna use tt blue color flip phone thats just gay!

ziting msg me afew times trying to get me out to a movie... but no nice movie to watch lehz... out of guilt i checked gv for any nice movie to watch, then i saw 'the lake house' it's a drama n romance type, so i decided to call Sam instead... actually i dunno y oso... then she replied but i dunno, then afternoon i went gym... after gym she called to go for lunch... so i go loh... though i'm really tired... so liddat loh... gonna meet her for movie sat morning! =)

then this morning i had a dream... it's about a game i think... i had a team... then there were people walking around in many direction, our objective was to see who walk where! kinda challenging cos there were quite a few people moving around... then another dream dunno come from where... i was moving some things n i had to move in a limited amount of time i think i had to run up n down, such a waste of time so i thought of jumping of building... not very high, 2nd storey nia... at first i was rather scared i'll get injured if i jump but after i took the leap, i didn't got hurt, instead i saved myself much time n was somehow rewarded for my creativity i think with a batman type of gun tt clings on the ceiling which i used it to hook myself back up to the building...

everything is like what the... lor...

Had a Vision
on Tuesday, July 25, 2006, 8:46 AM

:: Y blog? ::

yesterday my cousin ask me y blog, just now zhijin say, 'i still dunno y blog'

blog is like writing a diary... except tt u let everyone read instead of writing to let out ur emotions n just like tt... people write diaries for 2 reasons... to express their tots without being disturbed, to vent their bottled emotion so as not to hurt others around them...

with the urban society we have now, it's hard for youth to voice out... a great example n elaboration on that can be seen from the movie, 'I not stupid 2'

then saturday, was dance performance, it was a good practice for christmas... there weren't much audiance, good n bad... good cos no scared, bad cos disappoint loh... then cannot really practice got big audiance the feeling how... then i went to tampines buy jacket, then mengz meet valen for movie, then i b4 movie, mengz cut hair, then after cut hair, we went pasta eat...

sunday, i 4got what happened... i remembered le... oh... i should 4get...

Had a Vision
on Monday, July 24, 2006, 9:22 AM

:: DOTA!!! AHHH!!!! ::

monday after school me n ZJ went kembangan play dota, at first we play with AI then we saw the malays playing there then ask us play, we very much insisted not to play until they told us to fight handicap 4v3 cos i long time never play liao n i dun like the feeling of losing... but in the end, is fight 4v4, they 4 malay vs we 2 plus 2 other people from dunno where 1... so noob... then in the end we LOSE LAH!! ARGH!!! then i n ZJ not happy decided to fight AI...

then wednesday in school, first thing i on dotaportal, cos lose mah... need to do reflection y lose... my sven lehz... suppose to be my strongest... though that day i did have the highest kill... but our team lose, n lose mean lose.... so... ya... then during school, dunno y, took dota game from my fren n put into my harddisk... now i can play dota anywhere... n that night after school, me n ZJ played till 11pm... school close liao seh...

that afternoon, i ate kfc with Sam cos mensa no lagsania... that's all??!! what am i doin!!???

Had a Vision
on Thursday, July 20, 2006, 9:15 AM

:: chased again... ::

another dream of me getting chased... this time there's this really big monster like an alien, with a very long tail, but instead of alien black, it was alien brown, like harden lava, this big monster was as big as apocalypse but could shrink down it's size...

somehow i was in a cave then i reach the end of the cave with a few superheroes as my teammate then this big monster start chasing us, we ran lor... my teamates keep sacrificing themselves to save me by delaying the monster... so i can obviously tell that the monster is after me, but my teammates didn't had any second thoughts of not helping me though... then somehow i ran to a park, then dunno why, an mrt station... then i dunno what happen... i think i was safe...

somewhere in between i had another dream about me watching a horror movie, where i was in the movie with a few more people going into another cave, the cave was rather bluwish in color, the dark n cold type, n another set of teammates, one of them was a girl, she was super hyper like tomb raider type... when we reach the most inner of the cave, we almost slipped n fell into a big pit but we held onto a silky curtain hanging from nowhere n there were other curtains hanging all over the place... 1 of my teammates were scared stiff that he climbed as high as he could up the curtain, until the 'tombraider' told him to look up, where he saw a dead body being wrapped by the curtain, then the 'ghost' of the curtain talked to us telling us to release the body so the 'ghost' can be freed, so we tried our best to help remove the body from the curtain... then alot of scary thing happen...

i suddenly switch channel to another show where i'm trying to run out of this big maze where there were different color glowing talismans hanging all over the place, i freaked out n switched off the tv... then i think i woke up... what weird dreams...

this time the chasing dreams r better than b4... i had teammates to protect me, like the last one, i was a turtle n had a shell to protect me... Thank you, God. May even my dreams glorify your name.

Had a Vision
on Wednesday, July 19, 2006, 10:49 AM

:: saturday n sunday ::

saturday i played i game i created after reading shiya's blog i think... it's called the Seventh! played like 7up but instead of saying up, we say a char name from the bible, then i pre-prepared a list of names, when the name is called on my list, i put a tick, n on then 7th person who i tick will do the forfeit... the forfeiter must act out a pre-prepared chinese "chen yu" 成语 within 1min, n during that 60secs, he/she will be tickle on every 10secs...

during sunday, i dunno y but i seemed to be blur blur 1, dun even know there's a class going on... then during dance got new girl come, her name i think is Suzanta? then she wear until like... dancing? definetly not lor... but i shut my mouth as much as possible... i think got something going on... Zi Ting talk to her alot... dunno what they say, then later she sit with Ai Qing jie, oso dunno what they say but i have a feeling she won't join us again...

makes me think, if i was not in dance now, would it be better? if the dance team were all girls, would it be better? being one of the only guys there, i feel like a burden at times... i can't click as closely as they can, when a girl ask for another girls number clearly means they wanna be frens, but when a guy ask for a girls number it completely means something else! WHY??!!! n not only when asking for number, ask email oso cannot! GRR!!! AHHH!!!!! i'm staying in dance! God give me wisdom on what to do if this were to happen again... i'm definetely know leaving is not an option, this is Satan's plan to make me quit, i know it very well. Save me! Jesus!

Had a Vision
on Monday, July 17, 2006, 10:53 AM

:: weird dreams ::

another series of weird dreams... i can't remember all though..

first i was in a lift, the lift had a problem closing... at that point a girl came into a lift then a guy wanted to woo her, this girl likes me, then i showed off my yoyo skills to the guy n he backed off... i closed the lift door by holding onto the close button...

then when we reach basement, it was the carpark, there were little to no cars around, a fren who was in the lift with me, dunno whether it's that girl or another person... ran towards an open space n disappeared, n called out to me to do the same so i did the same n i realise that i ran through a vortex to the basement level below, there was a strange aura there, i saw laser flying out from no where n i had this cellphone that can capture monster... i started dodging these laser beams until i reach 1 corner of the carpark, n we both started running back as my fren shout out to me to run, at the same time i tried to use my gizmo to capture this monster but in the end i failed, i did somehow manage to run back to the portal but i think my fren didn't make it, he was immediately burned upon touching the flaming beast who actually is my frens mom!

then i dunno how but i was teleported to the figthing area where this mom is the commander of this big plattoon full of newbies knights who carried shield as they listen to a lecture of somesort, n there were still laser beams flying around, i saw a hit on one of the kid's shield but the impact was so big it shoke the kid into unconsiousness...

the next dream there was zhijin, weileung n me... me n weileung was trying to enter zhijin housem which was actually different from his real house, n even the sisters he had were all hideous looking n her mom who can really eat alot! his dad wouldn't let anyone in... me n weileung tried many times to enter but fail until we finally found a good time n we entered, i think it's weileung or me who wanted to meet his second youngest sister, but she not at home so it the end we went to her school to look for her...

Had a Vision
on , 7:13 AM

:: Friday? ::

i think i'm becoming like zombie mode le... today is friday yet i didn't feel like it's friday but rather like other weekdays where i think tmr still need to work... though i didn't do anything at all today in school other than listening to songs... WHOLE DAY! i had lunch out at kfc with Sam, then i tried out the chicken chop at kfc, it was filling but not as nice as i tot... i still prefer the chicken breast!

another thing i was doing today was realising that there is a really chio girl 2 classes beside mine, then i ask zhijin help me go friendster find her cos he almost everyday will go friendster see girl... n i was right! it took him less than 10mins to find that girl!! i really wonder how he does that, he was the one who helped me find tiffany, n kerrie as well... lol! anyway, this girl, 2 classes away from me is called Veralynn on friendster, attached, n she was from gongshang primary! n since her profile says want to meet people from gongshang pri, i added her! i'm still wondering y i did that...

anyway, actually today no money to eat 1... then yesterday i told my mom n she gave me some money, so did my dad, then today i receive my weeks allowance liao... just some things i should thanks God for... T_T

a while ago, Faith msg me told me to lead games... GRR!! y so last minute seh! i pray God gives me some inspiration on this...

last thing b4 i go to sleep, i tot of how i want my blogskin to be like liao... picture will still be same except it fades out (easily done using photoshop), position, format and color will be changed (CSS, html, web searching), but still considering the verse to be changed or not... hmm... give me wisdom God. Thank You.

Had a Vision
on Saturday, July 15, 2006, 12:39 AM

:: Phew!~ God is gracious... ::

today, weekly project meeting postponed from 10am to 1pm... thank God for the postponed cos i haven't done what i needed to do... i worked with C++ this morning n many problems occured but in the end, God is simply so gracious to give me such wisdom n knowledge that i manage to do the 1 weeks work in just 1 morning!! yay!

n yesterday was the last lesson of the hand sign introductory lesson... they said the next class, basic sign language would be next year... T_T so sad... n just when i was getting all excited about the lessons. BUT looking at the bright side, i have my wednesday night back! which means i can go jogging le! yay!

lastly, i wanna say... ugh... i so tired from all the work out... i think tmr then continue...

Thanks again God!

Had a Vision
on Thursday, July 13, 2006, 11:38 PM

:: so happening today! ::

so many things happening today... during lesson time!!

morning to lunch was discussing with edmund about the cosplay n plans for the next cosplay... then 12pm, went to gym until 2pm super tired... then went back to class, 2.30pm my chair gone!! there was this class that went into my lab for some briefing or talk... so i went lunch loh... where i continued talking about plans for cosplay... then around 3pm i received a sms to go lunch from Sam so i go loh... while waiting for her outside library, i met 2 christians from Central Christian Church then we chat about each other's faith until Sam tap me so i told them i gtg then he took my contact... i guess he's going to call me or something...

then at mensa, so sad couldn't let her try the lagsania... oh well, there's always next time!

Had a Vision
on Monday, July 10, 2006, 6:23 PM

:: i wan go see cosplay... ::

sianz sia... i realise i always anyhow say things then in the end i bit regret... like yesterday i said i'll support the mission by staying back at 4pm in church to watch superman returns but i never realise there was COSPLAY TODAY!!! sianz sia... miss another 1.. =(

cosplay today was at 1pm to 6pm then i know i got dance, so i tot maybe i can go for last 1hr if i leave church immediately after dance but becos of me n my big mouth yesterday say i'll stay to watch superman returns... in the end only a few people watch... then at 4pm i tot maybe i just pay to support the mission trip then leave but rainning seh!! sianz!

so i watch loh... starting abit exciting... but later u can kinda guess how the story goes... cos superman mah.. with the powers he has, it's quite obvious what he'll do... i have to applause the graphics though, simply marvelous! i would say it's worth watching cos i'm doing 3D graphics afterall... after the movie i still had the feeling of being a superhero with super powers n a love story that fantasy like.. haiz.. i'm such a dreamer... but i know my dreams will come true 1 day! muhahahah!

oh well... gotta go source out who went to the cosplay n get the photos! ARGH! one day!! one day i'll be a cosplayer n nobody's gonna stop me!!

except God of course... let Your will be done.

Had a Vision
on Sunday, July 09, 2006, 10:53 PM

:: what a weird dream ::

i dreamt got big swimming pool but swimming pool got one big crocodile, then i think i was a turtle or something that can swim really fast... the pool was sort of like meant for the big crocodile but people can share the pool with the crocodile... but i think before it is open for public they take the crocodile out first... but dunno got 1 time this guy first 1 to run into the pool n purposely get eaten by the crocodile, said that he wanted to be with this girl who was tot to be in the crocodile... but in the end the girl was actually the turtle i think, maybe she turned into a turtle when she jumped into a pool then rumors spread around saying of this girls disappearance is related to girl getting eaten by crocodile, n i think the guy like that girl...

hmm... i think i'm oso a turtle leh... cos i oso did went into the pool with the big crocodile while there were no children and the crocodile did try to eat me but becos of my hard shell n my fast speed, it could eat me but it never gave up, so i keep escaping to 1 corner of the pool...

hmm... another dream about me being chased... wah liew... but this time it's better, i was protected n somehow i didn't felt afraid... =)

Had a Vision
on , 7:53 AM

:: Silly girl... ::

LOL! i just read my tagboard n i caught somebody swearing! didn't i said nvm already! when a guy says "nvm, it's ok or i'm fine", it mean "it's ok, don't worry about me... don't u remember that i'm a man who can fix my own problems, so please please please let me fix this myself. I would be most grateful if u trust me to let me fix this myself."

so that day... knowing that she would most likely be busy but still i hoped for the best so i comb my hair nice nice, spray until smell nice nice, prepare what to say to make her happy happy, but in the end i guess this is her... so I asked her where she is becos i wanted to see her... thinking that at least i see her, i happy mah! then when i happy, she happy, then i see her happy, i even more happy mah! haiyo...

this is simple logic... next time dun ask me why... very hard to answer seh...

Had a Vision
on Saturday, July 08, 2006, 11:20 PM

:: God is gracious ::

Today a miracle happen... after cell we went to eat dinner nearby church then i ate chow kuay tiao then got this lady came to ask if we wanted satay but before i could say anything, song de n yt say dun wan so the lady left then i complain abit saying a want to eat satay but in the end i decided not to... so liddat loh...

the miracle happened when i reach home, mom told me dad bought satay! i was overjoyed! =D
I even had chilli crab too! Mmm!! * rubbing my tummy*

Thank you God!
Thank you Jesus!
Good Night Holy Spirit!

Had a Vision
on , 11:12 PM

:: Westlife - Obvious ::

Shane:
Yeah, ooooh...
We started as friends
But something happened inside me
Now I'm reading into everything
But there's no sign you hear the lightning, baby

You don't ever notice me turning on my charm
Or wonder why I'm always where you are

Shane (Westlife:)
I've made it obvious
Done everything but sing it
I've crushed on you so long, but on and on you get me wrong
I'm not so good with words
And since you never notice
The way that we belong
I'll say it in a love song

Bryan (Westlife:)
I've heard you talk about
Heard you talk about
How you want someone just like me Bryan echo: just like me
But everytime I ask you out
Time I ask you out
We never move pass friendly, no no

And you don't ever notice how I stare when we're alone
Or wonder why I keep you on the phone

Shane (Westlife:)
I've made it obvious
Done everything but sing it
I've crushed on you so long but on and on you get me wrong
I'm not so good with words
And since you never notice
The way that we belong
I'll say it in a love song
Yeah...

Mark:
You are my very first thought in the morning

Shane:
And my last at nightfall

Mark:
You are the love that came without warning

Mark & Shane:
I need you, I want you to know

Shane (Westlife:)
I've made it obvious
So finally I'll sing it
I've crushed on you so long
I'm not so good with words
And since you never notice
The way that we belong
I'll say it in a love song

Westlife:
And sing it until the day you're holding me
I've wanted you so long but on and on you get me wrong
I more then adore you but since you never seem to see

Shane:
But you never seem to see
I'll say it in this love song

Had a Vision
on Friday, July 07, 2006, 4:16 PM

:: 12pm lunch cancelled ::

it's 12pm n i just recieve a msg... as i taking out my phone n as i was opening to see, i was already thinking bout her... i opened the msg n saw her name... was excited until i saw what she wrote...

but i shan't say how i feel else she'll think it's her fault or something... i dun wanna see her sad now else i'm gonna be even more sad... but i just hope she eats that lagsania soon... cos it's really nice! so cheesy! i also pray that she not so stress despite the workload...

Had a Vision
on , 12:00 PM

:: Backstreet Boys - Yes I Will ::

I open my eyes I see your face
I cannot hide I can't erase
The way you make me feel inside
You complete me girl, that's why
Something about you makes me feel
Baby my heart wants to reveal
I'm down on my knees, I'm asking you
So these three words I wanna hear from you

chorus:
Yes I will, take your hand and walk with you
Yes I will, so these three words I promise to
Yes I will, give you everything you need
And someday start a family with you
Yes I will, take your hand and walk with you
Yes I will, baby I promise to
Yes I will, give you everything you need
And someday start a family with you

Oh yes I will

This is no ordinary love
And I can never have enough
Of all the things you've given to me
My heart , my soul , my everything
Every night I thank you lord(I thank you lord)
For giving me the strenght to love her more
And more each day I promise her
As long as I hear those three words

chorus:
Yes I will, take your hand and walk with you
Yes I will, so these three words I promise to
Yes I will, give you everything you need
And someday start a family with you
Yes I will, take your hand and walk with you
Yes I will, baby I promise to
Yes I will, give you everything you need
And someday start a family with you

bridge:
I stand beside you, in everything you do
Wherever you go, whatever you do
Baby I'll be there (oh baby I will be there)
As God as my witness
I will carry this through
Till death do us part, I promise to you

chorus:
Yes I will, take your hand and walk with you
Yes I will, Baby baby yes I promise to
Yes I will, give you everything you need
And start a family with you, baby
Yes I will
Yes I will
Yes I will, I promise you
Everything's gonna be all right
It's gonna be all right
I will

Had a Vision
on Thursday, July 06, 2006, 8:44 AM

:: i have a sick mind? ::

hmm... maybe i do have a sick mind... having an IQ and EQ of 131... sometimes i really do feel how far i am from everyone else like as if i'm in the fourth dimension or something... the way i speak, the way i communicate, the way i verbalise my thoughts, the things i do, the words i say, the places i go, the thoughts i think... so different from everyone else...

But then again, each and everyone of us are unique individuals with different perspective in life. Some ppl see life like a roller coaster, with many ups and downs... some see life like a rolling a dice, you'll never when you'll score a big number or when you'll score a small number, all depending on luck... some see life like a river, flowing endlessly and so quickly in all sorts of direction but in the end reaching the same final destination...

conclusion, nope! i have a very clear n healthy mind. I know exactly what i'm doing, why i'm doing, i know exactly how i'm feeling and why i'm feeling that way. I also know how i got onto this planet called earth and why exactly i'm here for. I have a purpose driven life.

Had a Vision
on , 1:10 AM

:: Happy/Sad ::

happy that i met so many christian from so many polys with great faith
sad that there are so many non-believers
happy on teusday cos meeting sammo for lunch
sad that she was busy that day n couldn't meet up
happy that it will be change to wednesday
sad that she's still busy
happy that she'll call me when she's not busy to have lunch with me
sad that i don't know when
happy that pooties ask y i never blog
sad that she not really happy about me reading her blog
happy PR1 over
sad I didn't do much
happy to learn more sign language
sad to know i have a drop in EQ
happy for a wonderful month
sad to only share such events with a keyboard
happy to have God in my life!
sad to not know how to share such a wonder...

Had a Vision
on , 12:28 AM