Fai†hfully Preparing my Fields for the Rain

:: Wonderful God ::

today service i wasn't really listening... i was searching for an answer in the bible and i did find some things... i shall do more research...

the healing and deliverance i didn't had much to deliver or heal as i've already been delivered and healed. Amen! so i ask for God to use me more... n guess what! before the night ended, Keith approach me to ask me to join the sound team or was it crew? or ministry? whatever it is, it was what i wanted to join for quite some time ago n i wanted to approach Keith about this but after forgeting so many times i think i completely 4got about it le...

Thank you God!

Another thing, today Faith told me to learn to say more "zhao jiu ren de hua"... God, I think i need help on this... cos only u can help me on this... Glory to God forever and ever, amen.

Had a Vision
on Monday, October 30, 2006, 1:03 AM

:: It's Worth It! ::

today i went to church for wu bi chun harp and bowl thingy... On the way there, on bus 10, i saw Faith coming up the bus, she didn't see me and sat down right infront of me... i was thinking should i get her attention... but how? i tot i was late le n she was as late as me so i msg her saying

"i'll be late... on bus 10 now..."

the msg was fast! after i sent, i saw her take out her handphone from her bag then read it... i saw her curious expression n then she turned around and saw me n she smiled. We talked awhile about me n Samantha, n i told her that we're doing fine! somewhere during the conversation she told me i wasted my sms...

well, now i tot of it... the sms made her smile...
an sms in exchange for a smile is definitely worth it.

Had a Vision
on Saturday, October 28, 2006, 9:12 PM

:: I need some privacy ::

Apparently, there seems to me that there is an increase in the people viewing my blog recently... and the contents recently has also been getting more and more negative which in turn has affected most of my readers into being worried about me so today i have finally tot of something to solve this, i will cut myself into 2!

not literally of course, i have created for myself a private blog, note the word private! Do NOT attempt to find it as it contains the other side of me, it is where the contents of the blog will be known as immature and full of violence. It's purpose is for me to cry about the downside of life to God and only God alone...

I will continue to blog here but only the good things so my viewers will think i'm ok and don't have to worry about me so much as it really saddens me to know my readers are being worried bout me...

Had a Vision
on , 9:00 PM

:: Drew ::

Drew is drawn

Blood was shed

Mind divided

into

White and Black

Had a Vision
on , 1:12 PM

:: A ::

A burst of strength
A cry for help

Divided and conquered
Only silence muttered

Broken free
You'll soon see

That all will be well
So don't worry

Had a Vision
on , 12:51 PM

:: The last piece ::

Am i really difficult to understand?

I'll simplify myself for everyone then...

Often, I am like the last piece of any puzzle, able to fit into any1 of them... i make sure everything is fix in place and i finish the picture after moulding myself into that missing piece making the picture complete... understand?

I test the people around me to see if they have a personality quick at adapting change, if there is then i am just a normal person, but most of the time this is not the case. I become the missing piece like in a group setting or a pair setting, if the others are listeners, i become a talker, vice versa. Or the environment is gloomy, i'll try to spark it up vice versa.

It's like life is an equilibrium, i am the variable standing alone on one side to balance the bunch of fixed weight on the other side.

Had a Vision
on Friday, October 27, 2006, 11:25 PM

:: ABSOLUTE DEFENCE ON! ::

YES! there is a barrier around me, the barrier is there for a reason, it's there to not only protect myself but also to protect everyone around me especially YOU! Beyond the barrier is a tormenting force that can only controlled by God. So please STOP trying to purge through this barrier!! if i'm hurt, i'm hurt and what i need most would be healing, duh! stop trying to find out why i'm feeling this way as it does not help at all! you see someone get a injured, do u attend to the injury first or ask the victim why he got hurt?! so disappointing...
another example is about the seashells, the more u try to force open it, the more damaged it becomes... just wait the time is right and the seashell will open by itself revealing the beautiful pearl inside.

Shared happiness is doubled, shared sorrow is halfed... but i tried sharing my sorrow with u once, it wasn't halfed... it was doubled... i showed u my half made pearl, the true self that is still under construction, n u retaliated and i was so deeply hurt... the scar is deep, the memory never forgotten...

There's so many disappointing things i see in u... but i choose to try my best in accepting them just like how God has accepted me as a sinner with all my imperfections, i choose to borrow His eyes so i can see u the way He sees u because He loves me, He loves u too, n i love u too... haiz...

I know that if i see u worry, i'll get even more troubled... carrying a heavy heart knowing loving is not easy, i put on my mask, colored wig, n red nose knowing that the show had to go on. I put on the artificial smile, doing some tricks and made the children laugh. And after a hard days' work, i go back home and cry...

ok... today will also be known as my disappointment day has told me my hair sucks... i'm gonna feel demoralised again... but not showing it again... i tried to take a picture and upload into friendster but the red color just couldn't be captured... haiz... so so so disappointing... haiz...

Had a Vision
on , 10:14 PM

:: Yup! I knew It! ::

There's no doubt about this...

Which FF Character Are You?

Had a Vision
on , 12:11 AM

:: Hmm... that's what I tot... ::

Which Final Fantasy couple are you?

You met only recently, and frankly, you didn't really hit it off right away. It's been an uphill battle for one person to pursue, but almost losing each other helped to bring one's feelings out into the open. Your personalities may seem to be totally opposite, but in fact, you complement each other very well.
Take this quiz!

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Join

Make A Quiz More Quizzes Grab Code

Had a Vision
on Thursday, October 26, 2006, 11:38 PM

:: Emotionally Impaired and leading to breakdown soon ::

Being ABSOLUTE Andrew is no good at all... I can no longer feel...

I don't get angry anymore...
I get hurt inside very easily...
I carry an emotionless face...
I get sadden at the smallest thing...
I cannot produce a genuine smile...
I chose not to care anymore...
I chose not to talk so much...
I chose not to trust anyone...
I no longer open up my true feelings...
I wear a mask everywhere I go...
I drown myself with loud music...
I'm flooded with evil thoughts...
I sometimes wish I was dead...
I sometimes feel I do not exist...
I keep my tears inside...
I sleep with a heavy heart...
I am naive...
I have wishful thinking...
I hope I never grow up...

the only positive thing left are the smiles around me... and the laughter... pls don't take away the smiles and laughter... i'm laughing at anything i can find on the web... cartoons are my only best friends left... SCV don't fail me now...

God I need you...
God I just want a hug...

Had a Vision
on , 10:14 PM

:: Zhuan Shi Qing Yuan ::

i just watch the show today, the shanqi so sad loh, the family like super bias manz! The meiyu so evil manz! so sad... so pretty but inside more ugly than a rotton coconut. If i was shanqi i wouldn't live in that family loh, i'd rather live somewhere else...

Sadly to say, the world we live in also has this sort of thing going on. Often in families that are rich and people who are too beautiful...

Thank God i'm not handsome and rich. I pray that I will learn to accept who I am now and what I have now and be thankful for everthing that is to come. In Jesus most precious name I pray, Amen.

Had a Vision
on , 10:06 PM

:: Don't say a word ::

Yes, my hair is indeed very important to me. It is the very source of my confidence, when it's bad, i'm sad. When people say something good about my hair, my hair will feel happy and so will I but when nothing good is said about my hair, then nothing good will go to my brain.

so... DON'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT MY HAIR IF IT IS NOT SOMETHING GOOD! DON'T EVEN MENTION IT!

it saddens me to hear,
"Mmm... ok lah..."
"You didn't style your hair well"
"You shouldn't style like that"
"Not bad lah"
"You look like an engineering student..."
*messes my hair "HAHA!"

is it so hard to say,
"Eh! You change your hair! wow!"
"Hey! I like your color!"
"I like your hair!"
"Nice!~"
"Cool!~"
*touch the tips "I want your hair!"

if not, then keep those words for urself!! And continue making this world a harder place to live in! ARGH! T_T

Had a Vision
on , 8:58 PM

:: feeling sad ::

i've hurt someone i love...

Had a Vision
on , 1:03 PM

:: Wah xiong... ::

monday woke up at 10am school started from 1pm- 5pm, went back with LiYao to get my bikes which was out of air so we walked the bike all the way to whitesands to get it pumped but WOOHOO! the shop was gone!! so we walked all the way to elias mall to get it pumped, then we cycled all the way to church from elias mall... reached at abt 7.30pm

then i went to watch Death Note at 8.50pm-11.10pm, i took a cab down to church as the last bus was gone at 11pm for night cycling 11.50pm-4.10am, rest abit then i cycle all the way back to home and reached at abt 5.20am... can't remember what time i slept then i woke up at 2pm which means i was awake for abt 19 hrs n asleep for abt 8hrs... phew! if i went to the haloween thingy i think i'm sure in a zombie state now... though i do feel a bit zombie-like now... today's 10hrs awake n going to get 6 hrs of slp b4 the next day starts... wah xiong...

BUT! tmr dye hair! WOOHOO!!! make many color n turn into a "color wolf"

Had a Vision
on Wednesday, October 25, 2006, 12:30 AM

:: NEMO!!! ::

today i went to escape with Evergreen Primary school again... it was fun... the children are still as naughty... after they left... me, chee gim, sun mei, n jia hui went to ride ourselves... den "bully" the carnival people to give us more chance at winning the 1m long dolphin soft toy... in the end we paid 2 dollars but we got like super alot of chance... lol, the funny thing is that we just couldn't get 4 balls into the hole! argh! only got 3 balls... out of dunno more den 20 balls thrown... sianz...

Had a Vision
on Friday, October 20, 2006, 12:39 AM

:: souls... interesting... ::

You Are a Retrospective Soul

The most misunderstood of all the soul signs.
Sometimes you even have difficulty seeing yourself as who you are.
You are intense and desire perfection in every facet of your life.
You're best described as extremely idealistic, hardworking, and a survivor.

Great moments of insight and sensitivity come to you easily.
But if you aren't careful, you'll ignore these moments and repeat past mistakes.
For you, it is difficult to seperate the past from the present.
You will suceed once you overcome the disappoinments in life.

Souls you are most compatible with: Traveler Soul and Prophet Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

Had a Vision
on Thursday, October 19, 2006, 1:41 AM

:: My weather ::

You Are Lightning

Beautiful yet dangerous
People will stop and watch you when you appear
Even though you're capable of random violence

You are best known for: your power

Your dominant state: performing

What Type of Weather Are You?

tt's wat i tot so i wanted to train lightning revenant... but... haiz...

Had a Vision
on , 1:33 AM

:: Wow! but yup yup! ::

You Are a Pegasus

You are a perfectionist, with an eye for beauty.
You know how to live a good life - and you rarely deviate from your good taste.
While you aren't outgoing, you have excellent social skills.
People both admire you - and feel very comfortable around you.

What Mythological Creature Are You?

Had a Vision
on , 1:18 AM

:: Hey, i like the quizes here... ::

Your Element Is Air

You dislike conflict, and you've been able to rise above the angst of the world.
And when things don't go your way, you know they'll blow over quickly.

Easygoing, you tend to find joy from the simple things in life.
You roll with the punches, and as a result, your life is light and cheerful.

You find it easy to adapt to most situations, and you're an open person.
With you, what you see is what you get... and people love that!

What's Your Element?

tt's wat i tot, i'm air! muahaha! u cannot see me! nani-nani poo poo! =P

Had a Vision
on , 1:11 AM

:: My Soul looks like this?! Eeww... ::

What Your Soul Really Looks Like

You are a warm hearted and open minded person. It's easy for you to forgive and forget.

You are a very grounded, responsible, and realistic person. People may not want to hear the truth from you, but they're going to get it.

You believe that people see you as larger than life and important. While this is true, they also think you're a bit full of yourself.

Your near future is a lot like the present, and as far as you're concerned, that's a very good thing.

For you, falling in love is all about flirting and feeling playful. You couldn't fall in love with someone who took life too seriously.

Inside the Room of Your Soul

i dunno... especially the last part... so degrading... like i'm some sort of cassanova...

Had a Vision
on , 12:53 AM

:: Hidden Talent ::

Your Hidden Talent

You have the natural talent of rocking the boat, thwarting the system.And while this may not seem big, it can be.It's people like you who serve as the catalysts to major cultural changes.You're just a bit behind the scenes, so no one really notices.

What's" Your Hidden Talent?

ya loh! no one EVER notices... tt's wat i feel lah... but nvm, i know God got see can le...

Had a Vision
on , 12:49 AM

:: Consecutive winner ::

Something to really thank God for,
for gracefully blessing me with such a great gift to come out this lame piece of crap that could win me an ipod shuffle and ipod nano...

http://www.eng.nus.edu.sg/outreach/winners.html - the contest i joined...
it's open for all schools i think... if u think u are up to it, join loh...

remember, it was not my talent tt helped me won... it was a blessing from God...

Glory to God forever and ever, amen.

Had a Vision
on Wednesday, October 18, 2006, 11:55 PM

:: Snowcity! ::

Today i went to Snowcity as an adult volunteer for Evergreen Primary school...

slide was fun... wee... super cold... children very naughty...

Had a Vision
on , 7:30 PM

:: Noooo!!! he died... sobz... ::

A hit and run accident...

Time: 2.50am
Date: 16/10/2006, Monday...

Witnesses said that Lim Chee Gim drank too much coffee to rush his project at TP with his group members. While trying to rush across the road to get a cab, he was knocked over by a trishaw. Witnesses saw old uncle on the trishaw was rushing off carrying a pregnant woman, he seems to be talking to the woman while the accident happened. Witnesses also said they saw the victim stopping in the middle of the road suddenly holding his head. Scientist says it was because of the over drinking of coffee. The police refused to say anything as the body stood up and started walking around like someone that has no life...

All this happened not long after another hit and run accident nearby which can be read here. Under october 17th entry.

Had a Vision
on Tuesday, October 17, 2006, 6:13 PM

:: Kaoz! my beautiful story got disrupted... ::

but anyway... I'm attached le... that girl thinks it's so unromantic how it happened... but it's not what i planned oso... oh well...
so who's the lucky girl? a photo of us together will be up soon...
i hope...

should we get a shot at marina? esplanade? in the movies? or just neoprint?

jialat, i haven't prepare for this... so... now what? what should a bf do ah? any1, help me pls... i noob... first time being some1's bf... Zhi Jin already told me some very good pointers... thx bro. I know quite alot liao actually...

btw, this is not the end dear...

Had a Vision
on Monday, October 16, 2006, 3:44 AM

:: O.o Hmm... i sense something... ::

OH MY GOSH!!!!

i wrote my own entry n i read it myself n i sense an explosion coming soon... n i tot i just exploded not long ago only... y another 1 so fast... haiz... no wonder i keep watching funny videos these nights... it was to distract myself... (ugh! ow, it's starting...)

this Sat i leading worship... this is a test. i know it. (ahh...ugh...)

Had a Vision
on Friday, October 13, 2006, 2:24 AM

:: something wrong... ::

i feel like blogging something down... but i just dunno what to blog...
should i blog bout girls?
or my project? my project team problem? deadline? my results how?
the WOW event? not even a seed sown? a calling?
how many times i put a smile on other people's face today?
how to make more people smile? comments about, "always be happy, always wear a smile, not cos life is full of reasons to smile but cos your smile itself is a reason for many others to smile !!!"
crap i said today? those that brought smile n those tt did not?"
dirty thought i thought today? =X
Maybe God's plan? still going to be a leader? where?
wad about the fig tree that keeps appearing this week in my head?
or Sammo and honey relation?! how to not get needy?
or the haircut i wanna get soon? the color? i like cloud's hair!
wad about getting the contact lens for the dance in december? i gotta get it this month or no time liao...
the things tt need to be done about the dance camp? the theme name? theme song? the "out of the group feeling everytime during meeting"? the hard to click with janet jie feeling no matter what the topic? the costume? my brothers how? no money...
wad about the script during christmas tt i need to memorise? the turban tt needs to be worn?
lost souls still needs to be saved, Gerald still not stable yet... reflection on my follow up skills...
My maple buddies how? they oso need to be saved...
my parents? my families?
NS coming soon, haven't get drivers license how?
Sammo's parents how? i'm gonna meet them one day...
my body not in shape... NAPFA how? i dun wan extra training in NS...
Guitar skills degrading...
Not able to speak out God's word everytime i hear something...
Not voicing when should n voicing when shouldn't...
my sister how? haiz... always having problem with my family...

OH MY GOSH!!!
if i didn't blog it down, i wouldn't know i had so many things processing in my head... haiz...
God, i need to be comforted... *sobz

Had a Vision
on , 1:52 AM

:: unanswered questions ::

Courtship is about open and honest exploration of each others lives and families leading up to engagement and marriage. Courtship is about marriage -- you court in order to see if there is any reason why you shouldn't get married. There is no romantic interaction until after the commitment to marriage. (I had a very long courtship lol...)

Going steady is a time of determining compatibility for marriage, just as conversation and friendship was a time of determining eligibility. You'll want to make this determination very well, and that means you'll need to spend plenty of time together. (Hmmm...)

A real relationship is one where you love that person enough to be honest. Honest about who you are, honest about what you plan to do and be, and honest about how you feel about them and what they do and say. Next to love, the most important ingredient in relationships is open, honest communication. (Hmmm... Sounds familiar...)

Had a Vision
on Friday, October 06, 2006, 9:54 PM

:: 911 Don't Make Me Wait ::

This should be posted in September 11

Lyrics

Had a Vision
on , 1:43 PM

:: BSB - Lose It All ::

Oh no

Take what you need 'cause I can't hold my breath

Say what you feel 'cause I got nothing left, oh

I made a promise to myself last night

I'm gonna keep it if it's wrong or right

And if I lose it all

There'll be nothing left to lose and I would take the fall

'Cause knowing you are out there breathing

It's so wonderful, it's a chance I take even if I break it

I lose it all, if I lose it all

Wouldn't matter anyway

Don't change a thing, perfect as you are

Time has a way, time is all I've got

If my heart should shatter watching you

That'd be one less thing I'd have to prove

And if I lose it all

There'll be nothing left to lose and I would take the fall

'Cause knowing you are out there breathing

It's so wonderful, it's a chance I take even if I break it

I lose it all, if I lose it all

Will be waiting when I fall into your open arms

I believe you'll find me there

You'll find me there

And if I lose it all

There'll be nothing left to lose and I would take the fall

'Cause knowing you are out there breathing

It's so wonderful, it's a chance I take even if I break it

I lose it all, if I lose it all

And if I lose it all

There'll be nothing left to lose and I would take the fall

'Cause knowing you are out there breathing

It's so wonderful, it's a chance I take even if I break it

I lose it all, if I lose it all

Wouldn't matter anyway

Had a Vision
on , 1:26 AM

:: Making a promise tonight ::

A promise I make tonight
Endless battles I no longer fight
For tonight my soul has died

I once loved now I love no more
You were everything I hoped for
You were everthing I saw

I once hate now I hate no more
It is you all my love I pour
It is you I spent all my vigor

Gave myself away completely
But you just couldn't see me

Now all that's left is a word...

Sorry

Had a Vision
on Wednesday, October 04, 2006, 11:49 PM

:: the wound is too deep this time... ::

it's so deep i can't heal it just slping over it... i doubt time will too... now like an injured rabbit, i hide in my rabbit hole scared of getting hurt again... i doubt i'll ever come out... *sniff

n just when i was finally tot i could come out to see the world with my real face... i guess the world is just all a fake piece of shit... it's just too smelly... i will NEVER remove this mask again, never... nothing will ever hurt me again... ever... i just need to wear this mask n hide in my rabbit hole... i will NEVER trust any1, ever! my heart will freeze back to it's absolute state, nothing will ever pierce my icy cold wall, as it when it was melted, it got hurt too easily, i just don't like the feeling of being weak... now frozen up i will be unharm... every1 else around me might feel this coldness... but i don't care anymore... i just don't want to care anymore... (ugh! it still hurts... why?)

date: 4 Oct 2006,
Friendly, Understanding, Caring & Kind Andrew has died...

Absolute Andrew is born.

Had a Vision
on , 11:14 AM

:: i'm still not prepared? ::

i woke up from a bad dream, i dreamt i was watching tv or playing my game den suddenly the cars came, i somehow knew it was the military people from NS who is coming to get me... somehow the other people who came out from nowhere came out with all their barang barang n no.4 all lining up in position and seemed ready to leave, but tried to run back into my house or chalet or whatever it is i have my things in then i tried to search for my barang barang but i couldn't find my no.4, i recalled me putting them somewhere else... then as i looked out the window, i saw the ones in uniform on the left playing group games n winning prizes if they could receit a contact no. of this particular person, huihui jie, while a saw a smaller group on the right wearing only their t-shirt n shorts being scolded by the officer and asked to do various exercise... i knew if i went out i'll be on the right side... so i ransacked the whole room to find my uniform but i couldn't... getting really anxious n scared i suddenly woke up...

phew! it was just a dream... but i tot again.. the dream was about me not prepared when the time comes... like matthew 24:44 says, "So you also must be ready, because the Son of Man will come at an hour when you do not expect him."

it was about me not having my uniform prepared... just like Ephesians 6:13 says, "Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand."

then those who were not prepared were punished... just like Psalm 39:11 says, "You rebuke and discipline men for their sin..." and also Proverbs 15:9 says, "Stern discipline awaits him who leaves the path..."

I think i was meant to go to the right... though i was scared... but i know why...

Proverbs 3:11-12
My son, do not despise the LORD's discipline
and do not resent his rebuke,
because the LORD disciplines those he loves,
as a father the son he delights in.

Had a Vision
on Tuesday, October 03, 2006, 10:18 AM

:: what a bad day... sobz... ::

it started a great day actually... i woke up at 11.30pm, had lunch n went to school... went to one stop to get my matric card change... but they were not ready so nvm, i went back to class, i had this song in my head suddenly so i went looking for the lyrics of the song "to ever live without me" wanting to blog it down but i couldn't remember the title... so i spent abt an hr searching like an idiot finding nothing in the end... felt abit fustrated so i just stop n went off on my journey to NUS to get my iPod shuffle thinking maybe i'll feel better after i get the iPod...

my trip there was very long, the people there weren't really friendly as i tot, but i didn't want to let tt affect me... so i grabbed my iPod shuffle feeling abit disappointed to the fact that it has 512MB instead of 1GB, but i din't want tt to affect me, i took the long trip back to school n i finally reach school at ard 5pm, Chee Gim wasn't there to see me, neither was any1 there to see me feeling happy, so my joy was not shared but instead concealed which quickly faded... but i didn't want tt to affect me... so i quickly installed the software n wanted to test out my iPod if it works anot... soon xulu came back from smoking... i tot strategicly tt if i said something bad abt the ipod i got, he would say something good, n he did but he continued with the lousy comments which i didn't want to hear... but i'm not gonna let tt affect me so i continued with the installing of the software... some problem occured, so i took a step backward n look at the problem, re-reading the guide... restarting many times with different tries... in the end i realise i didn't do anything wrong n neither was my iPod problem, it was the itunes in my comp tt was bugged... by the time i figured this out... it was already 8.30pm... put some songs inside, the wma files cannot be accepted... but i was not gonna let tt affect me as well so time to go back...

BUT b4 tt, after i knew Chee Gim was out, i called to ask help me buy KFC, typing out what i wanted on msg as tt's what he told me to do... then after awhile he called n said he not buying liao cos he no money... i was abt to say "GO DRAW MONEY LAH!" but i didn't... my mood was already going to blow up... but i know i couldn't do it to my brother... so i just ask him where he is n asked him to buy something cheaper as it would definitely cause much lesser bloodshed... i didn't ask for cai fan cos i dun wanna be disappointed again with the selection of food... he burst when xulu said he wanted cai fan saying how would he know what cai he wanted, den i just say what xulu said den everything was ok i think...

on my way home, i blasted my music thinking it would help cool me off as i know i wanted to get the songs from Sammo, i remembered she had the songs... i know the exchange of songs would mean some talking but i dun wanna talk so i try my best to cool myself off b4 i talk... but fire was fueled at home by my mom's nagging... my younger sis called me a "dumbass" when i couldn't hear her... she doesn't know tt tt word felt like a sword piercing thru my heart... then my older sis also couldn't shut up... so there goes my time alone and peace and quiet to cool me off, i already knew i'll blow up anytime tonight...

after getting some songs from Sammo, we talked a little to find out we both having a bad mood after i tried to make her happy via saying something lame, but it didn't... i was sadden by her sadness... n tried harder but to no avail, i failed... den somehow i dunno how, i leaked abit off my anger at her... which fueled her fire which she threw back at me... i took it, i apologised... she didn't not tt i expect her to though cos she didn't do anything wrong... but at least type a "lol" or "haha" when i try to make u happy for goodness sake is it so hard to press a few buttons, u only laughed at ur own jokes n tt makes me think i'm no good for u... like as if i'm not the one, it hurts me to see u sad... i know u smile abit here n there, but ur non-response made me think u're sadness was overwhelming... it made me helplessly struggling like rabbit stuck under the claw of an eagle... i tried to end our conversation to prevent any more leaks in my anger... i knew there was only 1 solution...

now... in tears... i exploded inside... after i signed out it felt like a thousand arrows piercing thru me for every second tt passes n a million more for every word i typed in this entry... worst den death... i hope for a better tmr... or maybe i wish tmr never come... i really wonder what had happened to today?

Had a Vision
on , 1:40 AM

:: easily affected ::

WTF! WTF! WTF!

WHAT THE FUCK!
WHAT THE FUCK!
WHAT THE FUCK!

ok... tt didn't help... i tot it'd help but it didn't, not even when i write finish this i think... i realise how easily affected i am by everything around me... i see sad faces, i'll turn sad, i see moody faces, i'll turn moody, tt's what i saw today... i finally got my iPod shuffle... n well, it sucked... it was the main reason for my temporal unhapiness... i told plug in can use le... but still must install this install tt, but after i did, it didn't work... bloody hell! then i spent a whole fucking day in school to find out the problem, in the end the fucking problem was solve... not by me... bloody hell! bloody technology!

n just now my mom nagging bout my dad... go nag at my dad for goodness sake! I REALLY HATE ALL THESE talking behind people back thing keep happening around me, can't people just talk in front of people if they want the problem to stop! bloody hell! not happy say not happy lah! now like become my problem liddat! bloody hell!

n now want tme to drink this bloody drink so fucking bitter!! yucks!

Had a Vision
on Monday, October 02, 2006, 10:30 PM

:: Oh my gosh! this doctor is good!! ::

Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Andrew's Lurgy
Cause:	stress
Symptoms:	frequent stigmata, stiffness, knee pain, hovering
Cure:	eat more sausages
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:

ok, i shall listen to the doctor n EAT MORE SAUSAGES!! lol

Had a Vision
on , 2:03 AM

:: i need to plan out what i need to do lah ::

i realise how lost i am without my time being organise... even when meeting people just to go out for dinner or lunch... i can really lose track of time n end up late or maybe even clash with many events at one shot at the same time... n when they clash, my mind oso clash... haiz...

Had a Vision
on Sunday, October 01, 2006, 8:16 PM

:: I dun usually do this kind of crap... ::

NO WAY THIS IS HAPPENING!!

See what Care Bear you are.

n guess what more bo liao-ness lead me to...

more details abt the wish bear here: http://www.care-bears.com/CareBears/html/about/wish.html

but then again, wish bear is a girl!! i'm not a girl!!!
anyway, it says wish bear's best fren is cheer bear... o_O

Had a Vision
on , 2:23 AM

:: Sianz... P2P such a lousy game... ::

Archlord is P2P! pay to play! haiz... sianz... n i was starting to like the game...

BTW, any1 have the song "live like u were dying" by Tim McGraw... i dunno y i started singing this song today n realise i dun have this song...

Had a Vision
on , 12:01 AM