Fai†hfully Preparing my Fields for the Rain

:: what a bad day... sobz... ::

it started a great day actually... i woke up at 11.30pm, had lunch n went to school... went to one stop to get my matric card change... but they were not ready so nvm, i went back to class, i had this song in my head suddenly so i went looking for the lyrics of the song "to ever live without me" wanting to blog it down but i couldn't remember the title... so i spent abt an hr searching like an idiot finding nothing in the end... felt abit fustrated so i just stop n went off on my journey to NUS to get my iPod shuffle thinking maybe i'll feel better after i get the iPod...

my trip there was very long, the people there weren't really friendly as i tot, but i didn't want to let tt affect me... so i grabbed my iPod shuffle feeling abit disappointed to the fact that it has 512MB instead of 1GB, but i din't want tt to affect me, i took the long trip back to school n i finally reach school at ard 5pm, Chee Gim wasn't there to see me, neither was any1 there to see me feeling happy, so my joy was not shared but instead concealed which quickly faded... but i didn't want tt to affect me... so i quickly installed the software n wanted to test out my iPod if it works anot... soon xulu came back from smoking... i tot strategicly tt if i said something bad abt the ipod i got, he would say something good, n he did but he continued with the lousy comments which i didn't want to hear... but i'm not gonna let tt affect me so i continued with the installing of the software... some problem occured, so i took a step backward n look at the problem, re-reading the guide... restarting many times with different tries... in the end i realise i didn't do anything wrong n neither was my iPod problem, it was the itunes in my comp tt was bugged... by the time i figured this out... it was already 8.30pm... put some songs inside, the wma files cannot be accepted... but i was not gonna let tt affect me as well so time to go back...

BUT b4 tt, after i knew Chee Gim was out, i called to ask help me buy KFC, typing out what i wanted on msg as tt's what he told me to do... then after awhile he called n said he not buying liao cos he no money... i was abt to say "GO DRAW MONEY LAH!" but i didn't... my mood was already going to blow up... but i know i couldn't do it to my brother... so i just ask him where he is n asked him to buy something cheaper as it would definitely cause much lesser bloodshed... i didn't ask for cai fan cos i dun wanna be disappointed again with the selection of food... he burst when xulu said he wanted cai fan saying how would he know what cai he wanted, den i just say what xulu said den everything was ok i think...

on my way home, i blasted my music thinking it would help cool me off as i know i wanted to get the songs from Sammo, i remembered she had the songs... i know the exchange of songs would mean some talking but i dun wanna talk so i try my best to cool myself off b4 i talk... but fire was fueled at home by my mom's nagging... my younger sis called me a "dumbass" when i couldn't hear her... she doesn't know tt tt word felt like a sword piercing thru my heart... then my older sis also couldn't shut up... so there goes my time alone and peace and quiet to cool me off, i already knew i'll blow up anytime tonight...

after getting some songs from Sammo, we talked a little to find out we both having a bad mood after i tried to make her happy via saying something lame, but it didn't... i was sadden by her sadness... n tried harder but to no avail, i failed... den somehow i dunno how, i leaked abit off my anger at her... which fueled her fire which she threw back at me... i took it, i apologised... she didn't not tt i expect her to though cos she didn't do anything wrong... but at least type a "lol" or "haha" when i try to make u happy for goodness sake is it so hard to press a few buttons, u only laughed at ur own jokes n tt makes me think i'm no good for u... like as if i'm not the one, it hurts me to see u sad... i know u smile abit here n there, but ur non-response made me think u're sadness was overwhelming... it made me helplessly struggling like rabbit stuck under the claw of an eagle... i tried to end our conversation to prevent any more leaks in my anger... i knew there was only 1 solution...

now... in tears... i exploded inside... after i signed out it felt like a thousand arrows piercing thru me for every second tt passes n a million more for every word i typed in this entry... worst den death... i hope for a better tmr... or maybe i wish tmr never come... i really wonder what had happened to today?

Had a Vision
on Tuesday, October 03, 2006, 1:40 AM