Fai†hfully Preparing my Fields for the Rain

:: Dream Dreams... ::

Dream are usually the images of the subconscious mind and some might say it a reflection of what is missing in one's life...

Then what do dream of dreams mean?

I had a dream of me dreaming that I could do splits, maneuver my legs in positions I never thought possible and I was sort of amazed then I went to different places to put on shows until I reach a place I was sort of being attacked my little demon children that tried to drown me in a magical hat full of water which I try very hard to come out and grasp for air until one of the time I came out and saw the whole place was water yet I still could breathe astonishingly, that was when the demon children stopped and a mermaid looking creature started appearing from darkness at the side of the stage...

That was when I woke up... from my dream dream... In my dream I woke up and realise how amazing and 'real' it was to be able to do splits and breathe underwater so I tried doing and I actually could do it but not as well as I did it in my dream dream... I somehow felt sleepy again and went back to sleep in my dream... that was when I really woke up but I felt tired and went back to sleep... and that was where I woke up in my dream again, trying hard to wake up this time... I saw images and illusions of demon bats flying around the room which was my last house bedroom but I was sleeping on the floor, I'm still trying to open my eyes in my dream, while my head was facing the curtains, I saw shadows of many objects that I thought were something else even the demon bats I saw earlier were just the shadows of birds flying outside my house...

I woke up again but couldn't get up then went back to sleep and had the same dream of me in that room trying to wake up... And finally, I woke up at 11.30am...

Yesterday, "We" went out... to catch TMNT... den 'we' went to eat at NYDC... den I went back at 4pm which I ended up in Safra at 5 plus where I was supposingly to renew my passport which sadly I reached the place only to know that it had been renovated to something else... now only left ICA building... so I asked around to know what time ICA building closes at and I was again sadly told that it operates from 9am-5pm. So I went home... I didn't go for modern dance cos if I go home to take my track pants, it would be 6pm and if I came back to school it would be ard 7pm and my modern class is supposeingly to be from 6pm-7pm... So I msg them "I dun think i can come tonight... Not feeling well..."

I was coughing a little but that was not the real reason... My lungs was not the only thing that wasn't feeling well...

So later I going to extend my passport... I also realise something last night... I going to malaysia at night 9pm not morning 9am... haha... cos my dad told me in chinese 九点 (jiu dian)... i tot was morning... phew... Thank God.

Had a Vision
on Friday, March 30, 2007, 11:34 AM

:: A coin always has 2 sides (perspective) ::

Where there is light, there will always be dark
Where there is good, there will always be bad
Where there is up, there will always be down
Where there is joy, there will always be sorrow

Everything bad that happens might actually be a good thing in another way... and vice versa...
A rain can cause a landslide somewhere which might leads to death but on the other hand it might be a miracle in the desert sun...
Bird shit landing on you can either means, "WTF!" or "Thank God elephants can't fly!"
Letting a child fall may be painful to see but it's also a lesson learnt in time...
A half glass of water can be seen as half full or half empty

Somebody in church said something some weeks ago about being slow and getting scold for knowing too little... I wanted to say that knowing too much might not be a good thing too...

Ecclesiastes 1:18 says,
"For with much wisdom comes much sorrow;
the more knowledge, the more grief. "

Sorrowful am I to see how much this world has changed into from what it was suppose to be...
God, bless those who seeks knowledge and wisdom for what lies before them they do not know...
God, bless those who seeks love and marriage for what lies before them they do not know as well...

"But if you do marry... But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this." - 1 Corinthians 7:28

And finally, God,
I thank you for calming the storm in me
I thank you for teaching me humility and compassion
I pray for a helping hand, I pray for your Holy Spirit to rekindle me for I have not only lost the fire that enrages in me but also the fire that burns for you... The void which was once a flame is now filled with a type of sorrow that griefs endlessly...
God, please let me know you are still with me... please tell me that the end is near... have mercy on me... please... In Jesus Christ name I pray, Amen.

Had a Vision
on Thursday, March 29, 2007, 8:22 PM

:: My world has walls painted blue ::

A smile can bring another smile to another person face... so who's doing that first smile?

Taking a shower or drinking water helps to cool you down when you're angry....
that's what I said...

But what happens when you're sad?
No amount of shower or glasses of water can make you feel better...

Bleeding can be stopped and hurts can be healed...
but what about sorrows that are felt...
Will a pat on the back help?

I read a poll... It asked...
To be loved or to love?

apparently the answer was obvious... everyone likes to be pampered... almost 90% chose to be love... some chose both...

so who's doing the loving?
you?
him?
her?
me?

If everyone's waiting to be loved... then love can never be found...

Had a Vision
on , 7:56 PM

:: Pulled by reality... ::

I'm like a dream trying to stay asleep so that I can continue to exist but reality is like the alarm clock that tries to wake me up from existence...

I am like peter pan, and reality is like... reality!
With everything reality has to offer, responsibilities, aging, responsibilities, bad memory, responsibilities, experiences, and more responsibilities...
so get yours now!
while stocks last
btw, stock never finishes...

Had a Vision
on Sunday, March 25, 2007, 9:07 PM

:: Blue Jay Dream ::

Blue Jay is a type of bird tt's blue in color... I learnt tt yesterday while browsing the net...

Anyway, I had this really wierd but rather nice dream... I think I was an animal tamer or something, then I was working with this oversized Blue Jay about the size of a dog... we seemed to have worked together for some time and had built a very strong relation with it. It would come to me happily chirping like mad whenever it sees me then I would stroke it's back like how I would normally stroke a pet dog...

Then one day, I had to leave this bird or whatever place it was, then I went to see this bird for the last time, it knows I was going off while on display, I could feel it was waiting for me as I walked towards it from behind then when I came close enough and touched it, it turned around with a burst of emotion, chirping like mad again, with it's feathers all fluffed up and jumping up and down. I stroke it again of course and had a this feeling of not wanting to leave the bird, I could also feel that it felt the same way too as tears came rolling down from those watery eyes...

At that point, I was really touched... then I woke up...

Had a Vision
on , 6:11 AM

:: moody ::

moody

Had a Vision
on Saturday, March 24, 2007, 9:34 PM

:: just a tickle test... or is it? ::

Had a Vision
on , 2:39 PM

:: 4th blood!!!!! Somebody kill me!!!! ::

First Blood!!!
Double Kill!!!!
Triple Kill!!!!!!!
Killing Spree!!!!!!!
Triple Kill!!!!!!!
Dominating!!!!!!!!

this is wat happens when 4 people are killed by 1 player within a short time in DotA!

n a similar thing happened to me too! but the other way round... Tuesday my nose bleed in the morning during my wake, wednesday my nose bleed in the morning as well before I went to take my first practical car lesson, thursday my nose bleed again during work in the afternoon... Jiahui was there, at night nothing happened despite the super xiong 'Chinese Contemporary Dance Worshop' i attended in school after work, Friday my nose bleed the 4th in the late afternoon... Jiahui was there but I dun think he saw...

Today is Saturday... I went for hip-hop class this morning with my aching body from thursday night and now i'm beat... like anytime I'll just faint or something... It's like walking around dungeon areas with 7% hp left, a few hits and byebye...

Had a Vision
on , 2:25 PM

:: First Blood... ::

ok, tt's it! the final straw! watever tt means...

the day before i was flooded with sickness, yesterday was worst especially when evening came, n this morning... my nose bleed... haha.

my head was burning to the point i can actually come with with a chinese poem yesterday...

ugh... ugh...
病了病了
鼻子社喉咙社
发冷发热
不停不停地咳
我不行了
*cough, cough*
在这样下去我一定完但了...

trying to joke around to make myself happy yet physically in pain... the most funny thing is i said that since i had almost all the sickness coming at once, i tried to be positive and keep thinking i'll be ok, good thing my nose not bleeding that would mean i'm still not having a very high fever...

and wadaya know, this morning i was awoken with a warm little drip from my nose, as i used my finger to gentle rub it away thinking it was just phlegm but as i felt the warmness i peeked my eyes and saw the ever so red liquid on my fingers, shocked, i rushed to the toilet to clear... so there u have it...
First Blood!!!

Had a Vision
on Monday, March 19, 2007, 8:57 AM

:: I'm changing... again... ::

Phew... I'm sick... ugh... but nevermind about that, I know i'll be ok, just a matter of time...

So anyway, I started work le... breathed in tons of dust there while breaking walls and clearing bricks... Thank God, I passed my Final Theory also le, bought PDL and found instructor le... Maple dunno how long never touch le... Somehow i'm beginning to think like an adult who does all the important stuff first... jialat... I wanna be back like a young and irresponsible kid!!! haiz... must do something about it... I dun wanna grow up and deal with all the adults issues... I think i'll go buy a baby bottle and put beer inside... wahahaha! I'm still a weirdo afterall!

Anyway, I received a rather belated 21st birthday present yesterday from Jessy, Si Jia, Pei Kiat and who is that other guy manz?!

It's a Cup! Nice!

Manz! I didn't know the manga version of me look so good...

But den again, I got this picture from Yujie's blog and realise I really do look good...

and cool...

lol, this picture I 4got to post... taken in november, these glass bottles drink are extinct manz... so happy to find them in a pasar-malam... they somehow taste better than the can ones actually...

Had a Vision
on Saturday, March 17, 2007, 8:35 PM

:: Frente - Bizarre Love Triangle ::

Every time I think of you
I get a shot right through
Into a bolt of blue
It's no problem of mine
But it's a problem I find
Living the life that I can't leave behind
There's no sense in telling me
The wisdom of a fool won't set you free
But that's the way that it goes
And it's what nobody knows
And every day my confusion grows
Every time I see you falling
I get down on my knees and pray
I'm waiting for the final moment
You say the words that I can't say

I feel fine and I feel good
I feel like I never should
Whenever I get this way
I just don't know what to say
Why can't we be ourselves like we were yesterday
I'm not sure what this could mean
I don't think you're what you seem
I do admit to myself
That if I hurt someone else
Then I'll never see just what we're meant to be
Every time I see you falling
I get down on my knees and pray
I'm waiting for the final moment
You'll say the words that I can't say
Every time I see you falling
I'll get down on my knees and pray
I'm waiting for the final moment
You'll say the words that I can't say

Had a Vision
on Friday, March 16, 2007, 1:49 AM

:: Plans, Plans, Plans... ::

recently people keep asking me what my plans are for this long break until I go NS... and now I really wonder what exactly ARE my plans???

So first things first... Maple at least level 100 is for sure... I'll be starting my 2 times experience soon, haven't really touched maple yet. I'll start after I get bone helm or honey.

I've also started a new game called "Rappelz" also an MMORPG, rather new... 2006... a 3D game so I can't play with full resolution, sad... BUT nvm, it's gameplay is nice! Though it's mostly fighting and stuffs but they have this pet system where we can breed all sorts of creatures, though not alot but they range from super cute to uber cool!

This is the super cute platinum dragon (evo 1) which will eventually turn into a white dragon (evo 3)

While this is an uber cool Lydion (evo 3) of a once super cute Leo (evo 1)

So far so good, the games pretty nice. Actually I was attracted by the dual wielding system where I can hold 2 swords!! WOW! It wasn't long before I finally got my dual sword wielding but since the game is about the creatures rather than the characters themselves I went to do a little research and found out that almost all the Evo 3 of all the pets are just simply cool. So cool that I just gotta get 1... I'm training a pantera now... just a basic pet that anyone can buy... i'm gonna have to train it into evo 3. That's my aim unless I accidently picked up another non-basic card, then it's another story... =X

Anyway, back to topic...

There's also people who seems 'overly' concern if i get a job anot... honestly speaking, i really dun want to work... though i understand i need the work experience sooner or later but for now i really want to enjoy my youth cos after army really no more time le... i'll be working like any other adults out there working day in and out like some zombie...

BUT, i've thought and prayed about it and wadaya know, i've been somehow offered 2 jobs now... E-commerce (watever tt is) or work for my dad (he wants me to knock walls for 2 weeks for a pay of $50 per day...) i wonder which 1 will i choose haha! =D

another thing people seems 'overly' concern about is that will i be slacking through out my whole 'holiday' which i'm NOT OK!!! i'm still attending my school's CCA despite me graduating soon OK! thursday is modern dance and saturday is hip-hop, i still attend my usual saturday cell group, alternate week of PA duty on saturday nights, usual tuesday prayer meetings, sunday service + dance in the afternoon, dance choreography is still in progress, i'll be finding instructor for learning car, i'll be meeting up with ly n zj for bs with pastor every week soon probably put on fri... so many things loh... almost everyday liao loh... hmph! >=(

Actually, I kinda doubt I have time for the 2 games... good thing i dropped recarnation... putting naruto anime on hold also... OH NO! i gottta include time for my bunny also... jialat, wait she angry bite me say i never spend time with her... keke! =S

Had a Vision
on Sunday, March 11, 2007, 7:33 PM

:: People... ::

During prayer meeting I was thinking about people... yup! people... in general... very random hor... I realise i very random siah... I'm so unpredictable that I find it hard to understand myself, no need to say other people le... no wonder I always feel so left out...

Anyway, I realise that there are people passive, and there are people who are active, some active people become passive at some point in their lives and some passive people becomes active at some point in their lives while other passive people stay passive despite any events that may happen in their lives and same goes for active people.

I realise there really isn't anything much one person can do to really change, motivate, inspire or influence another person to be better or worst but rather if the person is willing to be changed or not. The chinese saying of 'no use pushing the cow to the water if it doesn't want to drink' applies here.

What i'm trying to say is that each individual is responsible for their own lives. If we realise that we only have one life and one death then everything done will be gone one day, if we realise that we choose our own fate, we choose our own destiny, we choose how our lives is going to be, how each day will be, how each things are done, and how every word is said. When we realise these things, and that our story is written by ourselves, we probably won't be doing what we are doing everyday, we won't be taking each day for granted, we won't be working our heads of in school or workplace, we won't be stressing ourselves with deadlines, we won't be worrying about having which color shoes to wear, or which color jelly bean to share, we won't even stop to think wether or not to say simple word such as 'thank you', 'sorry' or 'please'. We'll just say them cos we know those are words we want to hear, we just do them cos we know what we want done to us, we just share as much as we can cos we know there'll be nothing left to share in the end.

Every second of our lives will be used to do something useful and beneficial.
Every minute of our lives will suddenly become happier and meaningful.
Every hour of our lives will be used to bring joy and laughter to others.
Everyday of our lives will become better and better.

Had a Vision
on Wednesday, March 07, 2007, 1:44 AM

:: Yay! I graduate le! i think... ::

I just came back from prayer meeting... phew... finally the string of events is starting to simmer down... my 'holiday' is going to start soon after this night cycling event finish den relax le... but i kinda doubt so cos i've been offered 2 jobs... one from church to do e-commerce and another is from my dad - scratch paint off walls... i dun feel like doing lehz... wait my 'holiday' very xiong seh... especially when it's the best time to bia my maple... wait after army no time le...

Let's see now... somehow it feels like alot of thing to do ah... especially when it's holiday and I should be relaxing or out with my bunny.

next tuesday:
night cycling event (need to find time to organize)

this wednesday:
Jessy's birthday at Aranda - Afternoon go buy present - late night go cycling with HuiHui jie for night cycling test run.

thursday:
modern dance continues - go school see Serling tie her hair... o_O

friday:
I MUST go buy hip-hop clothes!!!

saturday/sunday:
morning probably have hip-hop dance - at night got worship practice/ sunday no need to say

next monday:
Final Theory (oh shucks haven't study!)

next wednesday den i free siah... but thursday would have things to do again... hey where's my holiday? I thought I graduate le can relax... haiz...

Had a Vision
on Sunday, March 04, 2007, 8:16 PM

:: Calling ::

this afternoon while meeting QQ, Ly, and ris to go courts find Yujie... QQ was talking about calling... this kind of question would keep us thinking for hours...

"So what is your calling and why do you think so?"

well... i'm called Shoufu, my friends call me Andrew, but you can call me tonight. kiddin'
my family call me Ah Fu actually... eheh? wat i talking again...

Actually, I'm called to be a Knight!
One who rides the wind, and circles the sun
One protects the weak and helps the innocent
One who's as brave as a lion and gentle as a rabbit

I'm called to be a dancer
To dance for the Lord
To move with the music
To hop with the beat

no leh, I still think i'm a knight leh... anyway my prophecy says i'll be a leader who will protect those younger and weaker than me... maybe i'm a paladin... hmm... anyway, dancing is also a spiritual warfare with tambourines and flags as my weapon... we were taught to stand firm, with the belt of truth buckled around our waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with our feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which we can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests.

hmm... then the umbrella shouldn't be my weapon... it's probably my shield... so the old umbrella is my faith? n dance is my weapon then... since hip-hop dance was really a way to 'fight' when it was initially used by the b-boys...

n since i'm more of the early bird rather than the night owl type of person... n i have such a strong affinity with the eagle... N someone else is dusk, den i am dawn (akatsuki) <--learnt this today!

conclusion:
For now i'm a
White Knight of the Dawn
later on i will be an
Akatsuki Paladin

Had a Vision
on Friday, March 02, 2007, 11:11 PM

:: finally been to Courts ::

dunno how long Courts was there le... i finally today went there... it's like everyday i come home, i'll see it, even when it was in construction i could see it but i just didn't went to see it, sad isn't it?

BUT i've finally went down le... we went to see yujie work... den had lunch with her... super expensive manz there... i ate $11.20 seh... usually restaurants like swensens charge so exp is ok cos the service is ok but here?! we have to take our own tray, take our own utensils, n take our own glass of water or get our own drink like some school canteen liddat or machiam like food court liddat... everything we do our own... n the best thing is that we have to put back the food like primary school liddat... n the banner says, "why put ourselves? cos you pay less in the first place..." WHAT???!!! we pay less??? haiz... this place is either too 'high' class for me or the people there are so aliens that they have no idea what really is happening outside...

BUT still, i have to say the meatball there is nice, and overall is nice... just because they let us sit ard the sofas n bed to test how comfortable it is... cos i remember last time dunno when, dunno where, they sell sofas but attached to the sofa was a note saying, "no test sitting" wat the crap manz... if cannot test den how to know how comfortable, if dunno how comfortable how to decide want to buy anot! turtle loh!

From courts to my house is like 15-20mins walk only seh... i think 5-10mins ride bicycle can reach le loh... interesting... i saw some interesting stuffs at courts and realise technology is really advancing really fast...

Had a Vision
on , 10:53 PM

:: I'm still just a dreamer... ::

I hate reality, everything it gives or takes, everything it provides and everything it needs to survive...

I like to dream, I wish I don't ever have to wake up from my dreams... The place where I don't need food to survive, don't need water to quench my thirst and not even air to breathe. The law of physics does not apply, swimming faster than anything in the world as there are no water resistants, there is no gravity, there are no space constraints, there is no time constraints. There is no need to exercise and still maintain the perfect body build. There are no murderers, no robbers to take what is mine. There are no backstabbers to stab you, there are are no liars or heartbreakers to break your heart. The elements are called up with just a simple thought of it. Rains only when you feel like it, making snowballs from nothing and throwing ard like nobody's business, throw broken someone's window also no need to pay. Music somehow comes alive, dancing seems like breeze, singing could bring birds and butterflies to you. How wonderful it is eh?

It's simply the perfect place...

please don't wake me up from my dream... please...

Had a Vision
on , 10:39 AM