Fai†hfully Preparing my Fields for the Rain

:: God, right now I'm feeling confused ::

Today I was asked a question, whether I got see any growth in the cell for the past 1 year... I said I dunno.

Then I was asked, whether I see any growth in me for this year... I said yes! but I dunno grow in where and reluctantly said that I've grown in prayer... but have I really grown? I don't really know... How does one measure their own growth like that? Can I say, "Yes, my fruit of peace has grown 1 level, and my worship has grown to a much higher level as well"?

Isn't growth measure by comparing now and before...

Later on, I was told that we shouldn't be trying to be christians, when we are christians there is no need for you try and be one cos we already are one... So he continued and said Don't try to be a good christian, don't try to be a better christian, there is no such thing as a best christian.

So here's what I don't get... If we don't try to better ourselves... how then can growth be accomplished?

Next question
Why do we need to grow?

We are called to grow in Christ, to be more like Him... But for what purpose? We are definitely not gonna die on the cross for the world rite... So how much growth do we need before we start to do what we are really are made to do, for our purpose in life? How much growth is enough, and how do we know when is enough? Or is there no end, do we strife to grow as much as we can until we die at the same time we serve? But we definitely can't start serving immediately rite after we are saved, so when do the new believers grow enough to serve?

And talk about serve, Jesus started to go out serve when he was 30 and he served 3 years until he was 33, he died for us on the cross but what did he do before 30, was he preparing? was he growing? Do WE need to wait and grow until we are 30 before we start reaching out? Jesus took 30 years before he went out... so we as imperfect humans would probably take longer rite?

Ok, If I was asked the same question again if I see any growth in myself, I would say...
"I've grown... enough to serve... but there is still room for growth for there are many more to serve..."

hmm... Am I serving enough? I've been recently visiting church 3-4 times a week... Is it too much or too little? I always feel that I can give more, serve more... sometimes I feel soo tired though, like I've served too much... I feel like I'm busy working, making God's garden but not really know what God really wants for the garden.

God, I pray that I do not serve too little so as to not let my life go waste but let my life be glorifying to you and also let me not serve too much and neglect what you really want me to do, let me serve enough and at the same time knowing that what I am doing is what you really want me to do. In Jesus Christ name, amen.

Had a Vision
on Tuesday, July 31, 2007, 10:55 PM

:: I miss Monster Rancher 2 ::

Monster Rancher 2 was one of the longest game I spent on next to final fantasy and digimon in my playstation, those were the days...

At first my friend intro me to the game, I think it's not bad only... but I also go buy 1 and tried but gave up after awhile cos they die so easily, the only fun part was checking every CD for rare monsters!

After some time of pausing the game but still in my secondary school, I took it out again and looked for guides and then I really did found something, something big! A huge database for breeding, raising and unlocking the monsters in game. I study and study and study even during my exams not my school work but the monster rancher! Then I tried it out and it works! My first super raised monster was a Nussie (Baku/Kato). Then I went to my friend house to show off, winning everyone of their monster until I happy liao den I told them the secret.

They also went to train up super monsters, but I took an even further step of breeding super monsters and making max out stats monsters but couldn't cos it was just too complicated... So I went to hunt for life expanding items, drugs that increases their training rate and even bought the game Metal Gear Solid for the rare monster inside, a SoldierGaboo (Gaboo/???). I think that was the best monster I raised with every stats near max except it's INT cos it doesn't need.

My favourite back then was of cos the Phoenix followed by Durahan...

Manage to find the pictures from legendcup.com

These are some of the ones I remembered me having...

Zuum was the first monster I raised

Golem was the first monster who's stats manage to go beyond 500

Nussie (Baku/Kato)

SoldierGaboo (Gaboo/???)

My greatest creation I would say are these 2...
Garuda (Durahan/Phoenix)

And
Flare Death (Joker/Dragon)

These are some of the others I unlocked but didn't trained, come to think of it... I already unlock all the monsters in the game! wow! What an accomplishment!

Undine

Centaur

Zilla

Had a Vision
on , 1:54 PM

:: Please pray for me ::

Please pray for me
Please pray for me
The future is always full of uncertainty

Please pray for me
Please pray for me
The future is just so dark and cloudy

Morning seems like such a rush
With dancing moves that seems so fast
All I could catch was purely dust

Afternoon was all so rainy
But I still came to cell joyfully
Despite being so beat up and sleepy
I could still jump around like a monkey

Dusk was all but just an illusion
With many questions but no solution
Leaving me with so much confusion

Now I sit down, I think, I contemplate
Should I go to sleep, move on, or should I wait
Ok, I'm really going to sleep else tomorrow I'll be late
The rest I think I'll just leave them to fate

Had a Vision
on Sunday, July 29, 2007, 12:14 AM

:: Yay! I'm a Chief Bandit... ::

Been playing Delphinus Server with yt, ian, jh, and zh since we came back from church camp on 18th May. I'm so amazed at how I actually got to 3rd job in just one month compared to my Knight in Aquila who took 2 years...

This is my siggy, I made it myself... I love photoshop...

And this is my guild siggy, yt is the leader...

we're forming this guild for the purpose of evangelism... sounds childish, probably impossible but it's still a start though now it seems to me that not all the members are having this same view... but I shall give my best to God... bible tells us to glorify Him in everything we do and I guess gaming is no exception... so let's just say that this is my way of making pancakes for God... dance also of cos!

Had a Vision
on Tuesday, July 24, 2007, 11:31 PM

:: This feeling... ::

Suddenly I just have this feeling of not doing anything at all... I sense a big wave of things to do coming my way and I really just want to shut my brain off... cos my mind seems to be running non-stop... thinking of soooo many things... God, love, dance, sound, dance, worship, dance, car, and dance... ok at least my sch modern and hip-hop dance going to finish soon... left the christmas choreography and august worship choreography... Driving Practical test is 27th August, 3.45pm... this week is me on sound duty and still have no clue on equilizing... A few more ppl birthday coming and I dunno what to get for them also... worried about my love life also... dunno God is in between anot... haiz... when a believer show signs of not attending cell, church, has no ministries, don't read bible, don't do quiet time, and easily getting impatient doesn't mean that they are backsliding rite? rite?? rite?!! usually I don't blog this kind of thing down cos ppl will come asking me shits that I don't like to answer... blog readers pls pretend u never see the words in grey...

Proverbs 19:14 says, 'Houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife is from the LORD. '

~~What is the meaning of prudent ah?~~ ok, nvm... from the LORD eh... hmm... maybe... just maybe all I really need is God...

Had a Vision
on , 10:56 PM

:: Actually... ::

Actually...
I have many things to write and blog
But now my mind's all just a fog
With many words I want to say
With many things I need to do
So hard to stay on the right way
So hard to see where your walking to
Especially when it's just not your day
And everything is just not as peaceful
And no matter how much you try
You always end the day with a sigh...

Why?
Why can't life be as plentiful
Why can't life be seen as beautiful
Do we really need a big house and a big pool
Do we really need the kids to go high school
Is this what we are really here for
Or is there something much much more
Can we all try to be abit more grateful
Can we all try to be abit more thankful
Maybe we can have a better view
Maybe life will have a better feel

Had a Vision
on Friday, July 13, 2007, 10:40 PM

:: AHHH!!!! BAD HAIR DAY!! ::

today is a bad day.
I couldn't find the salon.
I searched for 2hrs under the hot sun.
They didn't had the colors I wanted.
They didn't give me what I wanted.
I cut too short.
Now it looks like shit.

bad day + bad hair = very bad hair day!

Had a Vision
on Tuesday, July 10, 2007, 6:01 PM

:: Simple and Clean ::

[Chorus]
When you walk away
You don't hear me say
Please, oh baby, don't go
Simple and clean is the way
that you're making me feel tonight
It's hard to let go

You're giving me
Too many things lately
You're all I need
You smiled at me
and said
Don't get me wrong I love you
But does that mean
I have to meet your father
When we are older
you'll understand
what I meant
when I said no
and don't think
life is quite that simple

[chorus]

The daily things (like this and that and what)
That keep us all busy
are confusing me
That's when you came to me
and said
Wish I could prove I love you
but does that mean
I have to walk on water
When you are older
you'll understand
It's enough
When i say so
and maybe
somethings are that simple

[chorus]

Hold me
Whatever lies beyond this morning
is a little later on
Regardless of warnings
The future doesn't scare me at all
Nothing's like before

[chorus]

Hold me
Whatever lies beyond this morning
is a little later on
Regardless of warnings
The future doesn't scare me at all
Nothing's like before
Hold me
Whatever lies beyond this morning
is a little later on
Regardless of warnings
The future doesn't scare me at all
Nothing's like before

-----------------------------------

Dunno why I suddenly listen to this song... It's nice, especially when she reach the high notes... Other than the music being nice, I tend to look at the lyrics then think about why the song writer write liddat...

So this was what I found out, that the lyrics is actually about the singer telling her boyfriend about her insecurities... which makes me wonder... y most girls so insecure arh? I don't understand! It's just so complicated! Why can't everything be just as simple and clean as this song!

Had a Vision
on Sunday, July 01, 2007, 12:18 AM