Fai†hfully Preparing my Fields for the Rain

:: I need a helping hand ::

God, I need a helping a hand...
I need a support I can lean on
I need a pillow to rest my head on
A boaster to hold on to
A bed to lie on, a blanket to keep me warm

God, I need a pillar to keep me straight
I need a lamp to light up my darkness
I need a foundation to stand on
Air to keep me burning
Coal to burn on

God, I need wings to take flight
I need clouds to for shelter
I need a rock to stand firm on
Water to live and
Your words to live on

God, You know what I need
You know my deepest desire
My darkest thoughts
My every move
and every word

God... In Jesus Christ most precious name I pray, amen...

Had a Vision
on Sunday, October 21, 2007, 12:38 AM

:: I'm transforming... ::

Physically
It's been 36 days since I enlisted... Thursday was my 2nd IPPT test n I improved alot since the last 1... from failing standards, I'm now a silver IPPT holder! Hallelujah! It's really a miracle to get to a timing of 11.33mins from a 15.50mins 1 mth ago for 2.4km run... from 5 chin-ups to a 10 is also quite an improvement... even shuttle run improved from 9.9secs to 9.5secs... Basically, I'm stronger, faster, and more endurable than before with solid results! And this is just the beginning, imagine what the results would be after 2 more month, don't even need to say 23 months b4 ORD...

Mentally
After watching punishment being presented to each and every wrong thing or command we do, I've come to realize the importance and meaning of the responsibility of every words and action we do in life and the consequences that comes with the wrong choices we make... Now I tend to be slightly more careful when saying or doing anything... The Routine Order of each day has made me understand the importance of having a discipline life and the incredible results that it can produce...

Spiritually
I need God... I really need God... I really really need God... Really really really need God... I feel like I'm like a raw chicken wing being put into boiling water added with seasoning... from the soft meat slowly turning harder and harder... with the many different taste from the seasoning slowly being absorb inside of me making me taste nicer so others can smell the vibrant smell that I will produce and the tranquiling taste that others can get out of me... But the process is utmost painful... both physically and mentally, cells are vibrating violently to change into another state, energy being transfered at a very high rate... I need God... I need God to stir me...

Had a Vision
on Saturday, October 20, 2007, 11:33 PM

:: hair ::

I'm suppose to blog about this last week bout I couldn't remember so ya...

I missed my hair at 1 point in tekong... ya... tt's all... =X

Had a Vision
on Sunday, October 14, 2007, 10:27 PM

:: Some people never change... ::

Today after service I realize one thing about me that hasn't changed, sadly to say... is that my chinese is still as bad as before... memorizing the weekly verses still poses a challenge. When will I ever overcome this...

Another thing I've noticed unchanged was during one of the days in camp when there was this 'team building team learning' thing... we had this icebreaker game of untangle hands and den we were suppose to write this poster of our section, which includes our goals, our rules, our roles and relationship... we weren't really creative about it and just copied some here and there from the templates... After which, under the relationship title, Jun Hao, 1 of my bunk mates suggested an open relationship of brothers... this was when I realize how closed I actually was... never voicing out my feelings to anyone... ever... I still have this mentality that as long as everyone is happy, den everything is alright. My happiness does not matter... After having said this, I still feel something is wrong with this mentality but my logic says it's okay. Hmmm...

Had a Vision
on Sunday, October 07, 2007, 4:32 PM

:: Dream of revolution? ::

I had 2 sad dreams... One of which I can remember pretty clearly cos I cried out loud in the dream...

In the dream I woke up in the morning and saw my mom, she was wearing all black and was in a hurry to work, like always she left a cup of tea on my table and said some words of care before she left for work... I didn't really get what she said and continued with my sleep until I woke up a second time and realize she has left the world... leaving me behind with a relative to look after, she told me about what happened den after which she started stating the rules in this new family... I couldn't agree with the rules and cried out loud telling her to stop pretending to be my mother. This was when I realise I really can't live without my mom.

Another dream was that I was in the army marching back to my company after dinner, it was dusk, the sky was beautiful... until suddenly, there was a hole in the ozone and from the clouds came a thick brown colored smoke with some pink smoke trails... It hovered over 1 of the platoons and they started growing brown spots and patches on them with their hairs turning pink... I panicked n woke up... Wierd dream eh...

Had a Vision
on , 4:10 PM

:: food war! ::

I had a wierd dream this morning, dreamt of food invading us den fruits and vegetables came to save us... the oranges were shooting the small cells of oranges like machine guns while I watched...

I slept at 9pm n woke up at 4am! Went to pee and came back to play maple for an hr checking aquila's market which was super big! den I went back to sleep n woke up at 11am... did a 2 n a half hr avg virus scan before I went out. What a waste of time, I just deleted the program... it lags my comp like nobody's business...

K, I think I go sleep le... tired manz...

Had a Vision
on Saturday, October 06, 2007, 10:25 PM

:: 2nd book out ::

somehow the 2nd book out was not as exciting as the first 1... this time it feels kinda normal... I didn't do much training this week, only 3 days of training compared to the first book out which had 7 days of training cos fri was tekong challenge n my company was in charge of the safety of the event so almost half the company was sent around tekong while the other half did a major area cleaning.

While thursday i kanna excused cos i fell down, now i know what is the meaning of "the bigger they are, the harder they fall" I fell on hard concrete face first with my hands blocking my head didn't get much damage, but I suffered cuts on my lips, both hands and right knee, sprain on both my hands making life 'harder'. Even a simple thing like peeing and taking off my socks can be so difficult and painful.

Despite the pain, especially from the Potassium Permanganate that the MO gave which I need to apply on my cuts that burns like nothing I've ever experience! A sensation like never before felt can never be 4gotton... I was suppose to apply twice but I only put once cos cannot wash it off and the pain just scares me too much to put again... anyway, despite this... I have to thank God cos I was suppose to do guard duty on sunday which means I'll miss service but becos of this, my guard duty was taken over by my buddy.

When I was in pain that night before I sleep, I asked God why... What am I suppose to learn from this but all I got was a song... now I know why, He wanted me to know that this pain is nothing compared to the pain Jesus had to suffer becos of me, becos of my sins... Sorry God, I have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, forgive me for not standing firm when the storms of life came, forgive me for falling into the deep sea and not having faith in you. God I thank you, I thank you for the endless grace and mercy that you have poured down on me, I pray that your spirit would continue to be with me, guide me on this path, this test that I have to go through, let your light shine through me! In Jesus Christ precious name I pray, Amen.

Had a Vision
on , 9:30 PM