Fai†hfully Preparing my Fields for the Rain

:: The enemy - Loneliness ::

I read an email about the OX and i scrolled through the part about relationship and guess what it wrote... it actually says that i'm emotionally unstable for a relationship now and that I will try to get into activities just to drown away those feelings but eventually it will come back... and i was like... =_=

Then when I thought about it again, I really do have this negative emotion that feels like a sword surging through my heart then throughout my whole body then once again back to my heart... it then continues with every heartbeat... basically, it hurts...

Everytime i'm alone, it comes back... so I went to seek help... I had to... but apparently what people say just doesn't help alot cos I still feel it... the sword is still sharper than ever, the feeling is more real than ever...

Until I came to YuXuan's friendster profile... I tot... ya know...
but no... it didn't...
instead something else happened...

a song started playing...

Above all powers above all kings
Above all nature and all created things
Above all wisdom and all the ways of man
You were here before the world began

Above all kindgoms above all thrones
Above all wonders the world has ever known
Above all wealth and treasure of the earth
There's no way to measure what You're worth

Crucified laid behind a stone
You lived to die rejected and alone
Like a rose trampled on the ground
You took the fall and thought of me
Above all

Then I realised that everyone... EVERYONE went through loneliness...

He went through it, He knows how I feel, cos He went through the worst...

I'm sorry God... T_T

Had a Vision
on Sunday, January 27, 2008, 3:52 PM

:: Plans Plans Plans ::

In camp I need to know Section ops plan, Platoon Ops plan and other plan... Then, I was being challenged once again to think, so I thought and felt that I should seek help so I typed out the words "plans" in bible.com and these were what I found in Proverbs...

Proverbs 12:5 The plans of the righteous are just, but the advice of the wicked is deceitful.

Proverbs 15:22 Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.

Proverbs 16:1 To man belong the plans of the heart, but from the LORD comes the reply of the tongue.

Proverbs 16:3 Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed.

Proverbs 16:9 In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps.

Proverbs 19:21 Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails.

Proverbs 20:18 Make plans by seeking advice; if you wage war, obtain guidance.

After copying down, I continued to look and saw another interesting verse...

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Had a Vision
on , 1:22 AM

:: The end of 'I dun wanna grow up...' ::

I've finally reached a stage in life where I thought, hoped and believed I would never reach but unfortunately it really is happening...

A few years ago, I heard that Army is where they make boys into men and people who go Army would change somehow in someway but I refused to believe so, I thought that I will forever be a child but now, 4 months since enlistment inclusive of 1 month in OCS, I've finally reached the chapter in my life where I move to the next phase of my existence which I would unwillingly say is called "Adulthood".

What I'm feeling now feels quite terrible at the same time good in a way. Bad because I feel like I've lost a part of me which I held on very strong to, even though it's not a very good part of me but still... Good is because I know that this change is for the better not only for me but also for the lives around me that I will touch, train and transform for the years to come...

Had a Vision
on Sunday, January 20, 2008, 12:50 AM

:: Checkpoints in life ::

People talk about dreams, goals and visions but not everyone can see that far so that is why there are short term goals which is something i'd like to call, 'checkpoints in life'

I remember during my leadership camp in OCS's Common Leadership Module, there was this compass course where we had to navigate from a point to another particular point with given only the azimuth and distance n using only a compass and pacer to reach the destination. The path wasn't a horizontal nor a clear path but rather filled with many obstacles like trees, branches, slopes, and muddy ground... So in order to get to the end point, we had to point our compass at a particular dominant object with the given azimuth and walk towards in, despite high or low, despite deviating left or right from the straight path, as long as we reach the pointed object, we continue to point to another object until we reach our destination.

Sometimes achieving our dreams is also like that, sometimes the end just seems to far to be seen, especially when our view right in front of us is a blur, sometimes walking straight seems impossible. But what if we had checkpoints in life, would our path be easier to walk?

This was exactly what happened to me...

I was walking down the road of my life until I reach one of these junctions where i had to make some very impt choices. At one point in life, i made a choice and my world suddenly turned dark, i could no longer see the path i was walking on so i continued to walk... aimlessly for some time...

Then i realise i'm wasting my time yet i was helpless as i could no longer see my finishing line clearly, i felt lost and alone... so i stopped and prayed for a direction, a sign... Then God gave me dreams... At first I didn't know what these dreams meant, but now I know, that they're actually checkpoints in my life that God has made known to me to reaasure me of the direction I am going despite the blurry and dark path ahead of me...

From my prophecy, my destination is to be a leader of many who are younger and weaker than me. But to reach there, I have to go through a training of some sort, and also I have to give up something I'm holding onto for a very long time so God can give me something similar but bigger so I can use it to protect these people.

Now, for the checkpoints in life that God has placed are the dreams that comes true... Firstly would be going OCS, next is Commissioning Parade... I dreamt of looking at my hands in these white gloves, standing on concrete ground then looking into the audience, I see many flashes of light... I could feel the happiness in me that very day that is to come... it felt very very very real...

Exactly 9 months from this day, my dream will come true... 13th sept 2008 will mark one of the greatest day of my life... It is not only the day when boy becomes man but also into honorable officers and gentlemen... It will be the day I bring Honor to my parents and Glory to God!

Cell members if you're reading this, pls make that day free because I'm inviting all of you to attend this grand amazing day!

Cos we are family!! Amen!

One more thing, Dear God, I pray you would shine some light on the path of my dear brother, YT, for he too is lost on where to go. Give him a clearer direction like how you have shown me... Thank you for hearing my prayer, In Jesus Christ precious name I pray, amen...

Had a Vision
on Sunday, January 13, 2008, 2:02 AM