Fai†hfully Preparing my Fields for the Rain

:: Where I sat ::

About the second last slide of YT's leadership talk, I left to catch a movie.
I do not know what happened after that.
See! The movie ticket as prove!

Nice movie... still thinking of the moral of the story.

Had a Vision
on Saturday, May 31, 2008, 11:35 PM

:: NO, I'm a Gentle Squall! ::

You Are Snow

Magical yet potentially destructive

You are well known as fun to play with

People anticipate your arrival but then are quickly sick of you

You are best known for: your serenity
Your dominant state: reflecting

What Type of Weather Are You?

Had a Vision
on , 11:34 PM

:: Stay at home parent sounds COOL! ::

You Should Be a Social Worker

You are deeply caring and empathetic.

You are able to take on other people's problems as if they were your own.

Sensitive and intuitive, you understand human emotions well.

Helping others gives you the most joy in life. You feel like it's your purpose in life.

You do best when you:

- Have a lot of responsibility
- Greatly impact someone's life with your work

You would also be a good philanthropist or stay at home parent.

What Should You Be When You Grow Up?

Had a Vision
on , 11:32 PM

:: Thx blog, your a fun friend too! ::

You Are A Fun Friend

You're the one who keeps your group laughing

And you've always got an idea for something fun to do

The party's not complete without you

And you wouldn't miss it for the world

What Kind of Friend Are You?

Had a Vision
on , 11:24 PM

:: I should be sad... BUT ::

You Are 92% Happy

It's unlikely that you know anyone happier than you.

You know how to be happy, no matter what life throws at you.

How Happy Are You?

Had a Vision
on , 11:23 PM

:: My Ultimate Personal Expression ::

Your Blogging Type is Artistic and Passionate

You see your blog as the ultimate personal expression - and work hard to make it great.

One moment you may be working on a new dramatic design for your blog...

And the next, you're passionately writing about your pet causes.

Your blog is very important - and you're careful about who you share it with.

What's Your Blogging Personality?

Had a Vision
on , 11:17 PM

:: Careers I can Consider ::

Your Career Personality: Original, Devoted, and Service Oriented

Your Ideal Careers:

Art director
Book editor
College professor
Composer
Film director
Graphic designer
Novelist
Stage actor
Psychiatrist
Writer

The Quick and Dirty Career Test

Had a Vision
on , 11:16 PM

:: I knew it... Still an Ambivert ::

You Are 50% Extrovert, 50% Introvert

You're a bit outgoing, a bit reserved

Like most people, you enjoy being social

But you also value the time you have alone

You have struck a good balance!

Are You An Extrovert or An Introvert?

Had a Vision
on , 11:15 PM

:: Shoufu ::

What Shoufu Means

You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong.
You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know.
You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do.
You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out.
Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia.
Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person.

You are well rounded, with a complete perspective on life.
You are solid and dependable. You are loyal, and people can count on you.
At times, you can be a bit too serious. You tend to put too much pressure on yourself.
You are a very lucky person. Things just always seem to go your way.
And because you're so lucky, you don't really have a lot of worries. You just hope for the best in life.
You're sometimes a little guilty of being greedy. Spread your luck around a little to people who need it.

You are loving, compassionate, and ruled by your feelings.
You are able to be a foundation for other people... but you still know how to have fun.
Sometimes your emotions weigh you down, but you generally feel free from them.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

Had a Vision
on , 11:14 PM

:: Andrew ::

What Andrew Means

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.
You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.
You have the classic "Type A" personality.

You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.
You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.
You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.
You are balanced, orderly, and organized. You like your ducks in a row.
You are powerful and competent, especially in the workplace.
People can see you as stubborn and headstrong. You definitely have a dominant personality.
You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something.

You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense.
You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.

You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.
You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.
At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.
You are very charming... dangerously so. You have the potential to break a lot of hearts.
You know how what you want, how to get it, and that you will get it.
You have the power to rule the world. Let's hope you're a benevolent dictator!

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

Had a Vision
on , 11:12 PM

:: Why Procastinate? ::

I bought a new book yesterday!

I know it's a teenagers' guide... but I still have this bad habit and I think if I don't TEAR my lian pi out now to read it, i'll probably never be able to fix this problem rite? Anyway, I was attracted by this illustration inside!

Name: Z Monster
Lvl: 999
HP/MP: 999999999999999999999999999999/999999
Special Skill: Sweep you off to "La La Land"
Description: FuZZy and irresistable monster that appears when you're in a too comfortable position or when you're too tired.

Had a Vision
on Friday, May 30, 2008, 7:55 PM

:: Newsboys - I Am Free ::

Through You the blind will see
Through You the mute will sing
Through You the dead will rise
Through You our hearts will praise
Through You the darkness flees
Through You my heart screams I am free
I am free

Chorus:
I am free to run
(I am free to run)
I am free to dance
(I am free to dance)
I am free to live for You
(I am free to live for You)
I am free
(I am free)
Yes, I am free
(I am free)

Through You the kingdom's come
Through You the battle's won
Through You I'm not afraid
Through You the price is paid
Through You there's victory
Because of You my heart screams I am free
I am free

Chorus:

Who the Son sets free is free indeed.
Who the Son sets free is free indeed.

Chorus:

Had a Vision
on Thursday, May 29, 2008, 6:11 PM

:: I'm a risk taker ::

Yes! I've finally finished the final chapter of the book.

It talked about risk this time. A big encouragement for me. It says:

"It's far better to try and fail than to fail to try."

It continued with a poem...
Each line contains a truth and a test.

To laugh is to risk appearing a fool.
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.
To reach out for another is to risk involvement.
To expose feelings is to risk rejection.
To place your dreams before the crowd is to risk ridicule.
To love is to risk not being loved in return.
To go forward in the face of overwhelming odds is to risk failure.

But risks must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.
The person who risks nothing does nothing, has nothing, is nothing.
He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he cannot learn, feel, change, grow or love.
Chained by his certitudes, he is a slave.
Only a person who takes risks is free.

For Me?
I laughed for no reason, they called me to shut up.
I cried like a child, when helplessly I fell.
I reached out to the few and became their friend.
I got rejected for being honest.
They laughed and made a joke out of my childish dreams.
I loved, but was hurt.
I tried, but I failed.
I took the risk, I'm no longer nothing, I've learnt valuable lessons, I feel sorrow now but I want to become a better person.

I am free.

Had a Vision
on , 5:34 PM

:: Any regrets? ::

"Huh? What happenned?"

"Better to have love and lost than never to have loved at all..."

"I tried to keep quiet..."

"ArGh!!! My SwOrD hUnGeRs FoR DeAtH aNd DeStRuCtIoN!!"

"Hmm.. According to fate, compatibility and interest, I think it just wasn't meant to be.."

"I was made to love. I have no regrets."

"Let's go guys! We must continue our journey. Don't lose sight of the light at the end of the tunnel."

Had a Vision
on , 9:05 AM

:: Tunnel of Life ::

I feel like my love life is a walk in a tunnel.. I've already chosen the way that's diagonally up, steep and narrow. It's a hard walk especially when the light at the end seems so far away.

Along the way, I see alot of light bulb hanging at the side.. Most are unlit, many are broken, some have fallen, a few are lit and once in a while a bright one appears.. I look forward to everytime I see the bright ones till I stumbled upon an ember. It was almost dying and somehow I could feel the warmth still around... it seems someone has made a fire but have left the scene.

Slowly, I tried to revive it... slowly blowing it for 2 years! Till I got frustrated and blew till it ignite into flames! I quickly gathered twigs and dried leaves to feed the fire, for half a year I kept going back and forth to get different resources to feed the flame till I became tired... So I sat down and watched the fire die. I left the place with the ember still glowing and continued into the darkness.

As I walked, I realise after every week there is a particularly bright bulb, the brightest I ever saw. So I took it as my motivation for my walk, looking forward to the end of every week. I became really dependent on it until I reached an even darker, rougher and steeper slope. As I entered this new path, I picked up a torch which I found at the start of the new path.. It looked familiar, like someone I knew used it before but threw away due to some reason.

I lit it up and it gave me warmth and light but somehow it was flickering like it would die any moment, it gave off little sparks like as if it was speaking to me. I made it my new companion, taking it with me along the way. I still didn't forget about the light bulb that came every end of the week so I still look forward to it, admiring its presence and warmth each time I see it, neglecting the the torch I already have in my hands.

Suddenly, I fell and injured myself so I persevered till the crossroad and took a detour on an easier path. Slowly, the torch seems to have become stronger, burning even brighter and warmer than the bright light bulb that I just ignore the the bulbs completely. Then my path seems to be taking a big detour in a wrong direction, I no longer see the light bulbs and I got scared, confused and lost so I became very dependent on the torch.

But just last night, the torch just suddenly gave up on me and died... I tried to revive it but I couldn't and I don't understand why...

I'll still be holding onto this dead torch... hoping it will one day reignite...

Had a Vision
on , 8:12 AM

:: Carrie Underwood - Jesus Take The Wheel ::

She was driving last Friday on her way to Cincinnati
On a snow white Christmas Eve
Going home to see her Mama and her Daddy with the baby in the backseat
Fifty miles to go and she was running low on faith and gasoline
It'd been a long hard year
She had a lot on her mind and she didn't pay attention
she was going way too fast
Before she knew it she was spinning on a thin black sheet of glass
She saw both their lives flash before her eyes
She didn't even have time to cry
She was sooo scared
She threw her hands up in the air

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel

It was still getting colder when she made it to the shoulder
And the car came to a stop
She cried when she saw that baby in the backseat sleeping like a rock
And for the first time in a long time
She bowed her head to pray
She said I'm sorry for the way
I've been living my life
I know I've got to change
So from now on tonight

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on

Oh, Jesus take the wheel
Oh, I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on
From this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel
Oh, take it, take it from me
Oh, why, oh

Had a Vision
on , 2:44 AM

:: basket... I hate Love. ::

walau... I'm really really confused now...

who am i sia...

I thought I knew... but I no longer know...

it's 2am... Just got rejected... and I lost a fren as well... bad thoughts are going thru my mind...
go club? go smoke? go cut myself? go jump down? AWOL n get into DB? get hit by car? go geylang n get aids?

God... I need you... I'm broken... again... This world... is...
FUCKED UP! Sorry God... I feel angry... at myself.. for being so stupid..
God.. are u punishing me? I think I deserve it... I haven't been reading ur words... I haven't been attending church... I get impatient so easily... I get angry so easily... I've sinned... badly... I let myself fall to easily...
God... I think I haven't recovered from my rebound... my broken heart which I chose to tore 1 week before I enlisted is still broken... and empty... now I'm blindly falling for anyone for no reason... I'm desperate.. I'm empty.. I'm lonely... I need YOU! I dun need a girl... I know they can never satisfy me no matter how hard I convince myself... I know you've prepared for me the one... I just hope you'd let me know who it is... and what I should do and say when I see her...
God... I pray for patience... I NEED ALOT!! ALOT!!!! i tot I had... but I think NS made me lose all of them... childishly but honestly, I pray in Jesus Christ precious name, amen.

Had a Vision
on , 1:40 AM

:: Stumped... ::

New Stump = Stump

Old Stump = Stumped??

Had a Vision
on Monday, May 26, 2008, 9:44 PM

:: Talk about emptiness ::

Yesterday after booking out, I went straight to Studio Wu to learn Popping and Locking. It was fun, but utterly difficult partially due to the fact that I went on an empty stomach and when I reach there I 4got I didn't eat..
I managed to live through the 2 lessons on an empty stomach but my mind was empty as well but thats a good thing, at least I'll learn like a child. The worst thing is...

Had a Vision
on Saturday, May 24, 2008, 10:40 AM

:: *wink* ::

Had a Vision
on Wednesday, May 21, 2008, 11:07 PM

:: Learning... to be myself... ::

I'm changing? Better? or worst?

I decided to become an old old self... but yet not too old... just enough will do...

I use to live by this, "A picture speaks a thousand words"

and this, "Action speaks louder than words"

Apparently, they're all gone... only empty.. words left..

I've decided to learn that old self of "man of a few words"

So I'm going to start with my blog...

Had a Vision
on , 11:02 PM

:: It's Complicated™ ::

Recently I've been making this new blog template of mine so never really blogged..
At first i tot i 4gotten how liao put I still manage to get it done in 4 days..

Day 1: Plan out draft
Day 2: Research and gather data
Day 3: Do Photoshop
Day 4: Write Program

I find the photoshop fun when I get to combine all the pictures and alter the color to get something new altogether! Beautiful! At first it gets a bit complicated with all the different types of art found and the way they were drawn but I still manage to get them together in perfect harmony!

Then I went on to programming part... I just pause for a few seconds looking at the blank piece of notepad... I didn't know how to start.. So I went to look at my current blog template and study it awhile b4 i start my engine.. I spend a whole day on this cos it's complicated... but i still manage to finish it! so Viola!

Then this morning Terence longpang me go camp... i went into the car n he told me his gf also coming... he fetching her to school... so I shifted to the back of the car... when she came, I was shocked! she chio sia! =X nice voice also... no wonder he so helpless against her... during our trip there I realised, after how complicated making a blog template was.. the most complicated thing is still the process of putting a martian guy together with a girl from venus... I thought for a very long time and still concluded that it's just...

Complicated™

Had a Vision
on Tuesday, May 20, 2008, 9:15 PM

:: 2 is not enough??!! ::

After many many days...

Whoa!!

Talk about Split Personalities!!

This is what I call an Identity Crisis people!

Shouldn't have broke the wall down...

Now you've finally found me..

You've uncovered my identity..

My Identity 7

Had a Vision
on Monday, May 19, 2008, 11:14 PM

:: Superman by Five For Fighting ::

I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naive
I'm just out to find
The better part of me

I'm more than a bird...I'm more than a plane
More than some pretty face beside a train
It's not easy to be me

Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home I'll never see

It may sound absurd...but don't be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed...but won't you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream
It's not easy to be me

Up, up and away...away from me
It's all right...you can all sleep sound tonight
I'm not crazy...or anything...

I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naive
Men weren't meant to ride
With clouds between their knees

I'm only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
Only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me
Inside of me
Inside me
Yeah, inside me
Inside of me

I'm only a man
In a funny red sheet
I'm only a man
Looking for a dream

I'm only a man
In a funny red sheet
And it's not easy, hmmm, hmmm, hmmm...

It's not easy to be me

Had a Vision
on , 10:33 PM

:: Wrong Lane ::

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Yesterday was I think the longest day I've been through..
5am woke up, 5am reach home...

Booked in, do the usual runners stuff known to many as "Sai Kang" finally ended at 5pm, after my boss do that stupid powerpoint slide so retardedly...

Then excitedly I changed, do up my hair, and rushed off to town to get tickets for 'What happens in Vegas' nice movie, made me think alot... again... I love/hate shows with meaning.. they make me think! Contemplate! Speculate! Reflect! Ponder over such little things in life... Then again, it's the little things that makes a big difference, no?

So ya, I went on a movie date with a girl... OOooo!!!

Shh!

You'd probably ask, "how'd it go?"
I'd probably reply, "Mmm..." *roll my eyes and smile* "Okay loh."
Then you'd say sarcastically, "ehh..."

BUT

honestly speaking, deep down inside I feel rather lost...
cos I felt, I knew, I must, I could, but I didn't cos I wouldn't cos I shouldn't...
A part of me says, "Why didn't I say this or do that?"
Another part says, "No! I shouldn't! It'll only make things complicated.. I don't wanna ruin what we have now.."
Another part says, "Why not!? It would have been fun! Nothing ventured, nothing gained, remember?"
Another part says, "No! It's not a nice thing to do/say!"
Another part says, "But nice guys never win! Don't you get it?! Don't you wanna win?!! It's a win-win situation!!! Both of you will be happy!!!"
Another part says, "No, It's not about winning, it's about doing the right thing."
Another part says, "The right thing is knowing what you want and getting what you want."

Anyway, after sending her home I felt I needed to remove this uncomfortable feeling so I met up with the gang. We had supper, and went driving all over the place looking for the cemetry just for a thrill. Upon reaching 3am and finally finding the place, we off the music and drove slowly then played with the automatic window and door... Seriously, I was freakin scared lah! But it was freakin fun! Wanna do it again!

And about the title, it was written in my calender for today and it reminded me of yesterday when ZJ drove on the wrong lane, and the other 'should not do things' like going 160km/hr, shouting to other drivers, and just simply making a fool out of ourselves, childishly trying to forget all the things that are coming my way currently... haiz...

Had a Vision
on Saturday, May 17, 2008, 2:58 PM

:: Can't find the right song... ::

But this illustration seems to say it all...

Had a Vision
on Thursday, May 08, 2008, 3:07 AM

:: Cannot don't blog la.. ::

Cannot la, I tried... but cannot... my tots tend to accumulate den i'll get lost! Drown in my sea of tots!

Recently I've been thinking hard... really really hard on my future... I see rich people, I see poor people... Once I wasn't affected by how rich or poor I'm going to be but the fact is, Nobody wants to be with poor people cos social norm has put them under the category of "Useless" but then again it's still up to the individual themselves.. some people like to be with poor people cos they seem to be more honest.

Yes, we are talking bout money here... more money = more friends. But are they really friends? or are they assets? Poor friends on the other hand can become "too honest", they get too close u'll never find space... O.O wait a minute.. y am i looking at the negative side?! STOP!

k, i've come to blog about a problem I come about, which is my future. Will I have a good life or not. This also affects the people around me, my mei who's going Uni but doesn't know if there's money for her to go... my sis who is, honestly speaking, an extra stomach. My dad is 58 this year and this is a dangerous age to continue as the bread winner... my mum is 50 this year and she specialises in the job of a good mom.

I'm currently an OOC because I believe God wants me to sit down n seriously think about my future as the choices I make now will affect my future greatly.

My initial plan was to get on with NS and learn dance, get a diploma in dance and become a dance instuctor as my career and maybe when I've earn enough, i'll go into properties and become a developer if possible.

Now, after attending a few lessons in studio Wu, I realise dancing is not easy. I may not really excel in it. They say do what interest u n u'll excel naturally... My plan had a problem, I cannot reach the second part if I don't become a Professional dance instructor..

I went to learn with Kay, it's better to go with someone.. He told me bout his progress and plans for the future.. currently, he signed on as a signal specialist, learning bout networking, routers and stuffs.. and says he'll get a rather recognised cert from CISCO, says it will be useful in the future as there are many companies like singtel, starhub and many more that requires talents like these... SO I tot hey.. since I might not make it to a professional dance instrutor, I'll need a plan B, that is to have an alternate job and getting the cert seems to be something of value to add to me now since I'm serving NS. Then I'll be a network guy in the day and a dancer at night, I tot maybe double income might bring me there... So, why not sign on! maybe can learn more, at the same time earn some money, add capital for myself in case I wanna do something else like study or start a business!

This was what tt's not suppose to happen, I said with much confidence, "I will not sign on!"
Now..?
I'm actually considering a 3yr contract as a Signal Officer... Cos of the knowledge, cos of the cert, cos of the benefits, cos of the capital (a fat 64k not including bonuses if I save up till ORD).. with the knowledge I can serve the church better in a few ways like sound system, they need people... with the recognised CISCO cert I secure a stable future, with the benefits like paying 10% down payment for first HDB instead of 20% with which I can secure a home earlier if I wanna settle down earlier, with the capital I can have enough to pay for my mei's studies, my diploma in dance and have much more for the excuse me, 'extra stomach' and still can give my parents some so they dun have to work so hard, so I can splurge on whatever I wan these few years, on my friends or maybe even on a girlfriend if I have one! I can provide security! I can have the option to choose!

I told my mei and it seems like signing on seems to be flawless like there's no disadvantage... other den giving the government an extra year. But I calculated the amount I could earn outside in a year cannot be compared to what I'll get if I served an extra year inside. Now this was a mistake... later i'll explain..

I told my dad, he immediately disagree.. assure us that our studies was secured as the land he shared and bought and built houses with his business partner is currently selling and the money is coming in. He also told me that a relative has a easy job for me that can earn alot! as in ALOT! He said at least 10k per mth... and is really easy... but a part of me just don't believe him... I argued my points about the cert, the knowledge, my future, and I wanted to earn my own money. In the end, he was ok with me signing on when I said 1 extra yr only... said let me go have some experience..

I talked to a signal specialist whose been in the army for quite some time and he told me alot of things.. about the things I'll learn n might not learn, the things I might or might not go thru as he's not completely sure of what an officer does but he say if I wanted to sign on, sign on long term as the difference in pay between a spec n an officer doesn't differ much until I become a captain rank, earning 3-4k.. den he say a full colonel can reach 10k per month. He said alot of other stuff about getting scholars can get faster promotion and what 1st class can come out of army and straight away be a deputy manager which I didn't really listen cos I doubt I can get it as I hate studying... He also said don't sign on just for the money, cos I can earn more outside which is true as he explained to me about the outside increment is higher. Don't sign on for the knowledge cos I won't learn much in there as I could learn even more outside which is true as I'll being doing regimental things like manning the comms. He also noted about what stress I will face like answering to the CO (3-4 ranks higher) directly for anything wrong that happens cos there arn't many signals officer around unlike infantry where a company has 4! Can share the burden.. He also said that signals has alot of competitive Captain around whose going for the better positions.. so he say sign on infantry better..

Now I'm really confused la... To anyone who actually read thru the whole post pls help me analyse where the problem is and I really woundn't mind some advise now... I need as much as possible now... Advice, feedback or whatever.. only left about 7 more weeks to make my decision.. A very big decision that will affect a very big portion of my life.. not including afterlife..

Meanwhile, I'll continue going for dance lessons and see if I got chance to become a Professional dance instructor, observing how they teach and how fast I learn. Also I'll need to know more about this easy yet high pay job from my relative personally. Finally, I'll need to call and talk to Sherman, Huishan's fren, a 3 yrs contract Signal Officer about to ORD to know exactly what I might be going through if I were to do the same...

Thx to everyone who gave me advice and supported my decisions especially HuiShan.. I wanna thank you personally for being such a good listening, supportive and not to mention, caring fren but I just can't think of the best way to say it yet...

Had a Vision
on Saturday, May 03, 2008, 2:50 PM