Fai†hfully Preparing my Fields for the Rain

:: A clear path... ::

The storm has finally passed... The sky has finally cleared...

So this is what my path looks like?

Is that all? A single path? A barren land with nothing around and not a single soul in sight?

What has become of me? Rejection no longer haunts me. It has become a part of my life. Have I reach the level of emotional self control that will lead me to unmeasurable success? Am I turning into an emotionless cyborg? I keep having doubts about my path...

A recap into the past, June 2006 A prophesy was told to me which I still remember quite clearly... Thank God I blogged it down.

"Lord, I bring forth this brother unto your throne. At the Lord's throne I see you in a casino but you are not gambling. At the casino there is a lot of chips, in the end you won a lot of chips and you are very excited and happy. God says that's right, if you seek me you will be like what you are in the casino winning all those chips into your hands. That kind of grace is beyond comprehension. Jesus wants to tell you that you must leave this world. The world will attract you sometimes and make your heart not know how to love Jesus even more because Jesus says you cannot serve me and money. Jesus says only by following the Holy Spirit can bring you life and peace. If you follow the world it will only lead to death because the road to heaven is narrow, there are two roads for you to choose. You must choose. And this choice is not blurry, it's very clear. Jesus wants to help you. When you choose to love the world or choose to love in Jesus. Jesus is ready to help you. When you start to call out to Him, Jesus will give you strength because... I can feel that in your life you have great financial capabilities, you have great talent, you have the fruit of self-control, the gift of management but the world also likes you a lot. Child, you must know that if you were to choose the world, it would mean that you are walking towards the road to death. Only when you choose Jesus will there be peace and joy. Jesus wants you to love even more for the one younger than you..."

What is this "Casino" that I can win alot without gambling?
Is it putting faith in God as a gamble to my life? my future? that He will make me a winner? Is the casino related to real-time of our IR opening? How is the casino related to me when it's not even opened, when the company has not even won the bid to build the casino when this was said to me so what's the link?? If i'm not gambling, could it mean that i'll be working there as the dealer? or manager? or something along the line?

What is this "World" that I must leave that makes me not know how to love Him?
Is it my job? my career? the path that I'm on or the one I'll be taking soon? Or did I miss out anything? The casino? Could it be the condo near the casino that I wanted to have earlier? A life of luxury?

What is this "Road" that is very clear that I must choose?
Is it the road now that I'm on? Have I already made my choice? Where is the other road that will make use of all the great potential God has given me? What does loving the world means? Is it the condo? Or is it my career? Then what does loving Jesus means? Following His words? Fulfilling the prophesy? Attending church? Loving my brothers and sisters?

Why didn't my prophesy said anything about fireflies or my half apple? Why my prohesy has to say "God will specially train you, these training, at this point God wants to train you, sometimes you might feel that it seems like unfair to you, why others can yet I cannot."

Why do I feel lonely on this path...

Had a Vision
on Tuesday, January 19, 2010, 10:49 PM

:: Crossing the Red Sea ::

When we reached the red sea, it was a dead end. Then Moses raised his staff and God opened a path out of nowhere.

We hesitated but still walked through it despite our fears. We kept on walking even though it was tiring, tough and the thought of being swallowed by the sea was at the back of our head.

We trusted the Lord, we perservered, and finally, we were out of the danger zone. The sea engulfed the enemies behind us who continued to pursue on.

There we waited under Mount Sinai for Moses to get further instructions so we can enter our promised land, a good and spacious land, a land flowing with milk and honey — the home of the Canaanites, Hittites, Amorites, Perizzites, Hivites and Jebusites.

It's a new year already!
Ever since I started my journey, there has been many obstacles(red sea).

But God opened a path for me. An opportunity came, I knew it was gonna be a difficult path but still chose to go on.

"We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed." - 2 Corinthians 4:8-9

Before starting my career as a Financial Consultant, I signed up for a 2 weeks course called Entrepreneur Action Program, I paid up for Youth Camp, and I also promised to take part in Christmas as a dancer.

So December started with no production, the 2 weeks course was on my last 2 weeks of school, during my exam period, haven't studied, haven't done anything for my assignment. I chose to go all out for the course. Boss questioned my commitment liao.
(felt misunderstood and stressed)

Immediately after the course, I had to choose between going for dance rehearsal or do whatever I can for the assignment I have not done. I wanted to give up on the assignment but God was good, my lecturer said I still had a chance to pass so I chose to go all out for the assignment. Dance leader then questioned my commitment liao... in such a harsh way somemore...
(felt very misunderstood, sad and angry)

Production was still low, my Manager was pushing, Dance Leader was doubting me, family was in chaos, I was sick and in debt and Youth Camp was coming... Honestly, I wanted to give up at that moment but I chose to go all out for Youth Camp. Became last and brought back 5 ulcers.
(felt sad, depressed, like a loser and like giving up)

Exhausted and still sick, my Manager still pushing me as production was still low. Christmas was around the corner, I haven't practice much or rather I never practiced at all for the performances. I chose to go all out for dance and end up working on Christmas night. Followed by making Christmas cards till 3am. Then every other days I've been working from 10am to 10pm all the way till today.
(feeling tired, demoralised, unappreciated, misunderstood, dying)

I tot OCS (JCC inclusive) was the worst I'll ever go through in my lifetime. Now I know the worst is yet to come.

Thank you God for everything that has happened. Thank God I'm not destroyed. Thank God for holding onto me when I felt like giving up. Now I know I've become stronger. Now I know I'm finally out of the 'red sea'. Now I know I'm actually an eagle.

"But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." - Isaiah 40:31

When everything else fails, God's word prevails.

Had a Vision
on Saturday, January 02, 2010, 10:47 PM