Fai†hfully Preparing my Fields for the Rain

:: End of the road? ::

I was walking uphill, and when I reached the top I started going down... until I reached the end of the road?

Ever had the feeling that God is playing tricks on you?

Just when you start to get comfortable, you're starting to enjoy the hot summer sun, your shoes finally got season, then something just have to happen that changes your path. Could be another obstacle, a dead end, a crossroad, a third party, a sudden storm.

I came home one day and my dad bought me a new phone. It looked like something expensive but it was fatter, bigger, heavier, more complicated and didn't had a nice color than the one I was holding. I didn't ask for it! I know he bought it out of love... but what is love?
Giving what you think they like, or giving what they like?

Business is going bad, I'm learning bad things and surrounded by colleagues that smoke, drink and lie... Everyone's production and moral is going down in my team, my agency leader and manager utters nothing but negative comments all the time. My health went bad as my weight increases. I gave up alot of my ministries, cell, church, fellowship and quiet time. And what struck me the most is I made my mom cry... This is the second time I ever made her cry... For similar reasons..

When I was in primary school, I had this indian friend, he was the only friend I had at that point cos I wasn't the very sociable type. He wasn't really liked by the class also, but I guess I was the sympathy type and became friends with him. We got quite close and we met up every morning before going to school. We also went out together after school alot. One day, we went jogging and we went to try the pull up bar, he did a flip around the bar and I also tried but the next thing I knew, I was lying on the ground and my head hurts like shit. I went home that day and told my mom about what happened, she told me not to mix with friends like that anymore. I was in a fix. I still secretly went out till quite late every night until I broke my record of after midnight. I reached home and my mom gave me a slap on the face crying out to me how worried she was. Ever since, my life changed... I became a more distant person. The only friend I had was my mei.

Wednesday night I came home after the National Achievers Congress 2010 (NAC), I went into my room as usual and turned on the computer. Then my mom came in, she started asking questions about my work and probing to see if I had any problems coping, we talked abit more and she started crying again saying why won't I tell her my problem. That moment, I knew my sis had told her I cried in church on tuesday. I also started crying as I told her what's wrong. She didn't wanted to see me come home late everyday, tired, working so hard with no results. I told her it's worth it, it's all for the family, dad is 60 and I dunno when he'll go den who will take care of the family? We went on for some time until she said, "You don't need to work so hard for us. You don't need to care about us." I replied, "What kind of son am I if I don't care for my parents?!" I left the room and went for a shower.

I cried and prayed in the shower. Why is everything going bad? Why is there another storm which I cannot fly over? God answered me.

Remember Jonah's story? He took a ship in another direction away from where God wanted him to go. Then the storm came. It rocked the whole ship and almost capsized it until the crew threw Jonah into the sea where he was eaten by a big fish and was transported back to the path where he was suppose to go.

God didn't tell us to handle all the storms of life the same way. To perservere, to wait until He gives us wings to soar over, sometimes He'll just shut off the storm with one word, sometimes the storm was intended to put you back to your original path.

I called up my director and manager today and told them I'm going inactive. I'll be doing my own sales. I'll also be working on my online businesses and the cell needs alot of work. Need a proper timetable, to get real things done. I'm coming back to God. I need God, and only God.

Had a Vision
on Friday, April 30, 2010, 11:13 PM