Fai†hfully Preparing my Fields for the Rain

:: Torn Apart from a Car Accident ::

Just got my license 3 weeks ago, they haven't sent me the actual card but I can drive and just 3 hrs ago, I've met with an accident already.

It was after a service at Glory of God Church, I was sending ZJ and SD home in the car. After sending ZJ, I should be going straight to reach SD house but I kept left which was leading me to TPE, I wanted to do a quick turn to the right knowing a car was on my right, I should have slowed down/stop, let him go b4 I turn but instead, foolishly, I tried to accelerate to overtake but failed and bumped his front. The first mistake.

The second mistake was that I actually went on, thinking it was his fault but I dun want to pursue the matter so I continued to moved on until i reached a red light, he was just behind me, he got off and tried to confront me, I say it was his fault, he grumbled something and went back to his car. I tot so that's it, n went off again to do a U-turn so I can drop SD off but right after the U-turn he cut me off and stop in front of me. We all got off the car and tried to talk. I still tot it was his fault cos his front hit my side. So he threaten to call police and I realise if this escalates, my license which I haven't even got to touch will be gone. So I quickly apologise and say it was my fault thinking sorry will be alright but in reality 'Sorry' has no cure.

He points to his scratch mark which was a third of the scratch mark I had and ask me "how? I know it's your fault, but u just pass, i understand, but how to settle this?"
I knew what he wanted me to say, I tried to reason that my scratch was bigger and I'm still a newbie, his wife tries to convince him to let me go as well but he raised his hand to his wife intending to slap her. Then he looks at me again and points to his scratch mark again, "how?"

I was thinking "What the! he raise his hand to his wife... what an asshole, hope she dumps him."

Then I said, "Ok, fine... How much?"

He said, "200."

I said taking out 50, "I dun have so much now, give me ur number I'll get the rest for you later."

He said, "I don't care, borrow from ur fren first." pointing at SD.

SD took out all his money, 35 bucks i think. Then I tot, "Shit! Don't take out ur money.."

I took out another 50 and said, "100 is all i have, give me ur number and i'll pass u the rest later, i live nearby."

He said, "Fine, I'll take all you got, ur fren also." and grab all our money.

We went our way, I felt so confused. Sent SD off, and went home. Called my dad and was expecting a big scolding but he just ask the extend of the damage and said that it's ok, just come home. I felt very sad.

I reached home and posted my mistake on fb wall...

I realize posting that, I would get some standard comments people would normally give that woundn't help, so I helped myself by commenting first...

Asking "What Happen?"
I feel this question is very shallow.

Then I replied to my own question, "Nothing much, just a scratch... I feel very sad."
I feel that the details are too much to describe in fb, and the explaining the details does not remove the very terrible feeling I have so I added what I felt, thinking It will show that I'm more concern about my feelings than the car.

Then I replied to my reply trying to cheer myself up, "Cheer Up! At least ur alright."
I feel that if I show that what I'm feeling is more impt, den people will try to cheer me up and say very general stuff which just wouldn't work... I'll explain later.

Then I replied a general answer to my reply's reply, "Yea, ur rite. Thank God I'm alive."
Which is true, thank God for the reminder. It's possible to change a feeling immediately, but it's difficult. Just saying Cheer up has ZERO effects. But saying give thanks to God for just being alive is a whole new level. I could feel the Spirit working in me immediately.

I ended with a final reply knowing what normal frens might say if they read this to stop talking to myself else they'll post something like, "siao, talking to urself." which will hurt me even further so saying that first will psychologically reverse the effect. They'll start to really think what to really say.

Then I got some very nice replies... thanks guys. Trying my best to be strong.

In the end, I felt better. I felt my brothers and sisters really prayed for me.. The devil keeps replaying the incident as well as fake images of what should have happen in my head that stirs up those negative feelings to pull me back into the past, the darkness, despair, anger, grief and sin which is breaking me apart. Tears almost rolling down.
But the Holy Spirit fills me with images of this heart warming feeling of being simply alive. The amazing family I have, the wonderful brothers and sisters in Christ that I know. The ever so awesome God that made such an extraordinary person called Andrew Wai and the promised bright future that lies ahead.
It was a battle to win my heart back. Part of me trying to cheer up and be strong and another broken into pieces inside, waiting to burst into tears. I feel so torn apart.

As I was writing this, The battle is now over...

Because our God is an awesome God.

I pray that this blog post becomes a blessing for others who are facing something terrible in their life right now or something similar. A bad feeling that doesn't goes away because Satan keeps replaying the images over and over again in your head. Try shouting out to Jesus. He'll help you.

Had a Vision
on Sunday, September 26, 2010, 1:01 AM