Fai†hfully Preparing my Fields for the Rain

:: Christmas IS Something More ::

Back from Indonesia. Spent Christmas there. Here's the video of the trip.

Initially, I felt down. I still do actually, cos there's changes taking place in my family now... Grandpa can't take care of himself anymore, so my mom and her brothers hired a maid to look after him. This along with many other factors has taken a dip in our expenses, so now I cannot sleep in aircon nor fan, washing machine will be used lesser, towels need to be reused a few times before washing, etc.

My dad's business is not picking up fast enough, I have no mood for my sales, my school starts in Feb, I still owe a thousand for the 2 failed businesses I invested in. My account is in 3 digits going to 2, my mei has finished internship, my sis is hitting 29 next year and still can't read or write not to mention as lazy as ever, not willing to learn and gets into arguements with my parents over the nothing and ignorantly still spends money like water.

Tell me how am I not upset.

Anyway, I met someone new in Taiwan, unfortunately not a Taimei, it's my mei's fren's brother. He's one of those pure analytical Left Brainer type of people who seems to lack abit of EQ. Anyway, he was asking something that I asked a few years ago while we bought these little gifts for Christmas giving.

The question was: "Whats the point in giving something useless if we know they are not going to keep it for long and would probably throw it away sometime later?"

The answer which I realise some time back and a few of us answered together was: "It doesn't matter what they do to the gift even if they are going to throw it away later, cos it's all about the act of giving." He frowned in confusion like how I did a few years back.

I learnt this during one of the Christmas where I was showered with gifts and I didn't prepare any at all. I felt guilty and decided to give some back the following year, it was the basic sweets and chocolates wrap in a shiny bag, I gave more than I got that year and I felt great and happier but still felt something is amiss, the sweets still felt meaningless. However, this time, I recieved many cards that wrote very nice personal stuff and some of them I kept very close to me till today. Even laminated it. So the next year(last yr) I made cards too, personalised cards, didn't really personlized all of them due to time constraint but most of the receivers were happy. I tried to write as personal as possible but realise I dun really know these people cos I never spent much time with them.

This year I didn't want to give anything, It just seems too rush to give anything as good as last year but Thank God for the Taiwan Tour, I picked up the little fellows at the Flower Expo. Came back with only 3 days, I rushed this little project of mine and made the little fellows into cards. Didn't have time to write them so I brought it over to Surabaya to write, and wrote it till 4am on Christmas eve... or rather Christmas morning. This time I wrote it like I was talking about the little fellows which was indirectly writing about them as well. Tot of it during the night b4 Christmas, I tot this will just do. QQ liked the idea alot. YJ can't wait for next yr's gift. But I probably gonna giving lesser, or a different set of people, I saw some faces wondering why they didn't receive any from me, it's becos of time constraint, I didn't buy enough and most imptly I dun really know u enough to give a personalized gift. Maybe I'll make "En Identity Cards" next year... I have to see if God will bless me with the time and money again first... So God pls bless me with at least the time so I can bring smiles to these people again.

Anyway, I was saying, when I recieved my gifts, it didn't matter at all what gifts or how many gifts I got cos I was overjoyed from the faces that recieved my little 20 yuan, 10 cents and 30++hrs gifts. Spent little money and much time for exchanging the smiles, here I learnt what it really means when they say "The Gift of Giving Is the Greatest Gift of All."

Even so, I wished there was another me so I could make him a card, and it's probably a cute version of the shelty (Shetland Sheepdog). I always feel that I'm a sheepdog barking at the naughty sheeps who keep playing around away from the herd, far from the shepherd and near to the wolves. I'm really tired of doing that especially at the grown up sheeps. They should know better. I'm more worried for the lost sheeps out there in the wild, shepherdless and alone.

God, I've decided to leave the naughty sheeps to u. Dun wanna bark at them any longer. I wanna go out and find lost sheeps back. Pls grant me rest God. In Jesus Christ name I pray, amen.

Had a Vision
on Thursday, December 30, 2010, 10:42 PM

:: Give Up ::

I give up. Ending this meaningless pursuit of perfection.

Everytime I try to light the fire, I get extinguished.

So this is it. I'm locking u up. U will stay in the icy depths of the north pole.

I hereby agree to become a cold blooded, emotionless person. I will not trust anyone nor open myself up to anyone. I will talk lesser, laugh lesser and smile lesser. My hands are either closed, crossed or in my pocket.

"I'm ok." is the answer to anyone who tries to queries or probe.

A cold shoulder will be given to anyone who tries anything funny. I will not let anyone come close to u...

Had a Vision
on Monday, December 20, 2010, 9:57 PM

:: Weary Again... ::

God, I've gone weary... again... so tired of living. Burnt out from all the harsh and cold wind blowing. Worned out from all the people to people abrasion. Beaten down by life's heavy punches. Bushed financially, drained emotionally, physically fatigued, spiritually weaken. Simply exhausted from being human.

Procastination is taking over, playing game, watching drama, cartoons or whatever, finding ways to satisfy an insatiable hunger for appreciation, approval, respect, honor, trust, companionship, love, or maybe I'm looking for God.

Now, let's find the root of the problem together. Cos it's seriously distracting me. I didn't drive properly just now.

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But I dunno where to start... feel so helpless, dunno how to help myself despite my preaching, just get back up, just smile nothing cannot get through... but it's not working on me... cmon! Gotta find out why... but will finding out why solve the problem?

Had a Vision
on Tuesday, December 07, 2010, 10:40 PM

:: Morpheus Mines ::

Sorry, your browser doesn't support the embedding of multimedia.

If cannot, u can try to view it here:
http://www.j-novastudios.com/videos/MorpheusMines_CG_Opening_x264.mp4

Done le, rush until sick only to know that the deadline has been postponed. Again, it didn't turn out the way I wanted it but I'd give it a pass. Think I'm not cut out to do 3D stuffs... still can't believe I got only a credit for 3D modelling. Not expecting anymore this time... haiz...

Anyway, this is my 3D Animation project. It's a CG opening sequence to my made-up game. So here's what the 'game' is like...

It's like a tower defense game actually. An RPG Strategy game. The main hero is also called Destiny. He's a Guardian of a Sacred Sanctuary on Mount Alpheus. The Sanctuary holds a vortex to all dimensions. This great power cannot fall into the wrong hands, so Morpheus, the God of Dreams created an island only accessible in dreams called Cryptonia. He not only made it difficult to get to the Sacred Sanctuary, like making the Mystical Morpheus Mines and the V Stairs, but also made 100% sure it does not fall into the wrong hands, He created Destiny, Guardian of the island.

He's made from the stars and has several Astral abilities like manipulating plasma, means he's like lightning itself, he can move so fast it looks it he is teleporting. His movement are random, so he may end up slightly off target sometimes. Like how Man was made from dust, he was made from space rocks and his armor from space metal, thus his bulkiness. He has control over the basic elements like water and fire but his flames are that of the Sun, never dying, and water he controls can go below freezing point but always in liquid form. And lastly, he govern the forces of gravity, which he can also fly. He sounds too good to be true but he has a weakness. He is only most powerful on Mount Alpheus. Time and distance away from the Cryptonia will severely weaken him to the core.

That is how the story goes. As for gameplay, u start off knowing nothing of ur abilities cos u were just made. U get to roam around to learn more but as for now, all u know is to defend the island at all cost. There is a star shape radar on the interface that has a countdown at a random direction to show the direction of where the invasion is coming from and when it is coming. The objective of the game is to protect the island from anyone to anything that is trying to get to the Sacred Sanctuary. Using his Astral abilities and ur brains, to lay traps all over the island, summoning Elemental Beings as and when is needed. And finally maneuver through the Mystical Morpheus Mines to confuse the enemy.

The story continues to get more interesting as he learns more about the other world's technology and gets to upgrade his traps and discover new ways of using his abilities when people like u and me accidently drops onto the island. Ever had a dream of unknown monsters attacking you? Maybe u were in Morpheus Mines...

Had a Vision
on Monday, December 06, 2010, 11:59 PM