Fai†hfully Preparing my Fields for the Rain

:: phew! wat a day! ::

y do i feel like so many things done today yet i didn't do anything...

first i reach church early at 2.30pm to prepare for icebreaker for the sec students having tuition, never lead such a big group b4 so i dunno wat happened, i just got tongue tied or something... i think i'm more to 1 on 1... then is cell croup followed by giving tiution for pri 6!! uhg!! i can't stand them! there were 3 boys n 2 girls, 2 teachers... the girls, no prob! the guys!? 1 of them is an A student but he's just so freakin arrogant, he told the 1 of the other boy that he's definitely smarter than him... the poor boy just keep talking but just couldn't concentrate with his work, always the slowest 1... whereas for the last boy keep on shouting the second boy to shut up...

phew! n wat i do? i sat there n mark their work... they ask me question i say, "dunno, skip" i can really say that i'm such a lousy teacher... n judging from wat i did in the afternoon, i'm such a lousy entertainer n leader... then i need to do discipleship training homework... then still need to organise outing for dance, said they wanted to watch movie n go science center... then need to choreograph a dance for easter day program... then need to level up my maple char... but need to be consistant but also need to be consistant with my quiet time with God... then need to pick up the daily habit of reading bible... then need to clean up my room not only clean up but must consistantly keep it clean while i'm not the only 1 messing my room up but still must clean... then my younger sister growing up liao cos she going out with guys... my older sister is still the same... overspending n pestering my parents for more money while me n my younger sister struggles to keep the family together but my older sister cries everyday without fail complaining no money when she gets dunno how much a day... sometimes up to a hundred n she can actually spend it in a day... then gets scolded when she gets back... sometimes my mom cries over quarreling with my sis or dad... my younger sis dun even treats my older sis with the respect an older sis should have... this pen continue to tell me "Have you thank God today?"

haiz... me? is this pen talking to me? who am i? y am i here? where do i need to go? who do i need now..?

yes! me! this pen is talking to this stupid guy in front of the computer! i'm such a losser! no leadership qualities! not fun! dun even know how to talk! don't know how to teach! dunno y i'm here oso! dunno where to go cos too stupid! nobody to turn to cos too late liao! cos i'm such a losser! who would want such a losser for a friend! i think i should go n die better! no wonder limb biscuit sang the, "it's a fucked up this, fucked up that, everybody knows this song... fucked up..."

hmmm... this is not going anywhere... i gotta stop bringing myself down... must pull myself together! This cannot be me talking! It must be satan trying to destroy me from the inside, smart move! but the Holy Spirit within me is stronger! hah!

my prayer:
God, pls renew me with strength to go on, to pick myself up once again, to deny myself and carry the cross daily and follow you. Thank you for hearing my prayer. In Jesus Christ name, Amen.

Had a Vision
on Saturday, March 25, 2006, 11:42 PM