:: ABSOLUTE DEFENCE ON! ::
YES! there is a barrier around me, the barrier is there for a reason, it's there to not only protect myself but also to protect everyone around me especially YOU! Beyond the barrier is a tormenting force that can only controlled by God. So please STOP trying to purge through this barrier!! if i'm hurt, i'm hurt and what i need most would be healing, duh! stop trying to find out why i'm feeling this way as it does not help at all! you see someone get a injured, do u attend to the injury first or ask the victim why he got hurt?! so disappointing...
another example is about the seashells, the more u try to force open it, the more damaged it becomes... just wait the time is right and the seashell will open by itself revealing the beautiful pearl inside.
Shared happiness is doubled, shared sorrow is halfed... but i tried sharing my sorrow with u once, it wasn't halfed... it was doubled... i showed u my half made pearl, the true self that is still under construction, n u retaliated and i was so deeply hurt... the scar is deep, the memory never forgotten...
There's so many disappointing things i see in u... but i choose to try my best in accepting them just like how God has accepted me as a sinner with all my imperfections, i choose to borrow His eyes so i can see u the way He sees u because He loves me, He loves u too, n i love u too... haiz...
I know that if i see u worry, i'll get even more troubled... carrying a heavy heart knowing loving is not easy, i put on my mask, colored wig, n red nose knowing that the show had to go on. I put on the artificial smile, doing some tricks and made the children laugh. And after a hard days' work, i go back home and cry...
ok... today will also be known as my disappointment day has told me my hair sucks... i'm gonna feel demoralised again... but not showing it again... i tried to take a picture and upload into friendster but the red color just couldn't be captured... haiz... so so so disappointing... haiz...
Had a Vision
on Friday, October 27, 2006, 10:14 PM