Fai†hfully Preparing my Fields for the Rain

:: God, right now I'm feeling confused ::

Today I was asked a question, whether I got see any growth in the cell for the past 1 year... I said I dunno.

Then I was asked, whether I see any growth in me for this year... I said yes! but I dunno grow in where and reluctantly said that I've grown in prayer... but have I really grown? I don't really know... How does one measure their own growth like that? Can I say, "Yes, my fruit of peace has grown 1 level, and my worship has grown to a much higher level as well"?

Isn't growth measure by comparing now and before...

Later on, I was told that we shouldn't be trying to be christians, when we are christians there is no need for you try and be one cos we already are one... So he continued and said Don't try to be a good christian, don't try to be a better christian, there is no such thing as a best christian.

So here's what I don't get... If we don't try to better ourselves... how then can growth be accomplished?

Next question
Why do we need to grow?

We are called to grow in Christ, to be more like Him... But for what purpose? We are definitely not gonna die on the cross for the world rite... So how much growth do we need before we start to do what we are really are made to do, for our purpose in life? How much growth is enough, and how do we know when is enough? Or is there no end, do we strife to grow as much as we can until we die at the same time we serve? But we definitely can't start serving immediately rite after we are saved, so when do the new believers grow enough to serve?

And talk about serve, Jesus started to go out serve when he was 30 and he served 3 years until he was 33, he died for us on the cross but what did he do before 30, was he preparing? was he growing? Do WE need to wait and grow until we are 30 before we start reaching out? Jesus took 30 years before he went out... so we as imperfect humans would probably take longer rite?

Ok, If I was asked the same question again if I see any growth in myself, I would say...
"I've grown... enough to serve... but there is still room for growth for there are many more to serve..."

hmm... Am I serving enough? I've been recently visiting church 3-4 times a week... Is it too much or too little? I always feel that I can give more, serve more... sometimes I feel soo tired though, like I've served too much... I feel like I'm busy working, making God's garden but not really know what God really wants for the garden.

God, I pray that I do not serve too little so as to not let my life go waste but let my life be glorifying to you and also let me not serve too much and neglect what you really want me to do, let me serve enough and at the same time knowing that what I am doing is what you really want me to do. In Jesus Christ name, amen.

Had a Vision
on Tuesday, July 31, 2007, 10:55 PM