Fai†hfully Preparing my Fields for the Rain

:: Bad start... ::

Finally! I'm recoursing! But I never expected a difficulty so high now...

My first day I was very enthu about recoursing, picking up the pace, volunteering, leading march songs but the day ended with a sore throat which I tot would go away after a good rest but to my dismay, it got worst day by day as I hoped it'd go away until Thursday I couldn't take it anymore...

I went to see the MO and got some medicine, MO said I have a serious bacteria infection and gave me a day of light duties where I skipped 1 of the trainings and became a marshaler who fed over 12 mosquitoes, managed to kill 10 but after 2 hours I suddenly felt weak and heaty but my temperature never rose beyond 37.4 degrees so I guess I should be ok after a nights rest which I did but my sore throat didn't as it hurt so much that as I drank my half full water bottle, tears started to fill up my right eye and when I barely manage to finish my 500ml of water, 2 drops of tears rolled down that eye... A pain I've never felt before in my life...

Sat came in a blink of an eye and I learnt alot... I realised I was not only the slowest, the weakest, the dumbest and also the heaviest among my platoon!! I came back LAST for 12km run, I got lowest though I passed for the first theory test, and I was the only one who raised my hand when PC asked who is heavier than 75kg... T_T

Apparently, my dream of getting Sword of Honour seems to be fading away as I suffer silently during meals where I drank only soup cos eating hurts my throat bad, looking at my section alone, despite their different sizes, all were fitter than me almost 3 times! Especially the commando crossovers who all did at least 20 chin ups with ease, SOC timing in 8 mins while I'm almost reaching 13 mins...

Who was I kidding when I said I wanted to be better than those scholars who btw are mostly from RJ... Everyone's english was just near perfect except for a few of us 'hokkien bing' who wasn't really 'ah bengs' compared to the ones I knew before... These 'hokkien bing' are far smarter!

Other than day one, my morale went down as days pass by, most people here are proactive, already behaving like leaders and officers to be, talking with much sense, logic and depths everytime they were asked to stand up and talk while everytime they asked a question, my mind was near blank.. There wasn't anything for me to be happy about... I couldn't even enjoy breakfast, lunch or dinner properly.. not even my sleep was good as I got the bed away from the fan and it was a must to put mosquito net.. For this I can see why I should thank God, cos if it were to be too cold den I'll have a harder time to get up as my body needs to warm up longer and the mosquito net is God protecting me from mosquitoes...

But why the sore throat! Why am I the slowest! The Dumbest that even my buddy who slept during the study time scored higher than me when I studied more than him! The heaviest! I can't say it's muscle mass this time cos the commandos are about my size and they're not only lighter but stronger and fitter!!! GRRR!!! AHHH!!!!

sianz... I think now even my best could only bring me to staff officer haha... bmtc also cannot I think haha...

Had a Vision
on Saturday, July 05, 2008, 5:54 PM