Fai†hfully Preparing my Fields for the Rain

:: Fact vs Truth (girlfriend dilemma) ::

I've been praying and waiting for the green light for so long and finally it has light up but I'm no longer sure if I want to cross the road anymore cos right after this traffic light, I'll be hitting the corner of a building and there I have to choose between 2 paths. Both will lead to the same destination but once I've chosen the path, there's no going back cos it's gonna be a really long way...

All the facts tell me I don't have to worry which paths I take so I really don't need to worry. But is it the truth?

I tell myself I don't really need to worry about my future. I can survive on my own, I did it in army, my most down and worst moment of my live, in the jungle for 9 days. I lived through it, alone! I can find my own food, make my own house, and stay alive in the rain for 9 days, alone! (alone! means without a girlfriend. My comrades were with me no doubt.)

I don't need a wife/girlfriend to walk this path, why would I need one for?

After acquiring financial intelligence, I have concluded that a girlfriend is a liability and sometimes also seen as a long term investment with non-guaranteed returns. If beauty is their only benefit and wants to get married, it is also known as a depreciating asset with a risk of losing half the investor's assets. In any successful businessman's eyes, they are definitely not worth the time or money... but I don't belong to the world therefore I shouldn't think like the world.

So I went to seek for help... Since 5 years ago, I read "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" and "Boy Meets Girl" by Joshua Harris along with other sources from the web and other advisors, I understand the purpose of getting a girlfriend is because I have decided to work towards marrying her eventually and not go dating to try and to see if we can work out or not, whereas for courtship, unlike dating, will begin with her parents knowing that I want to protect her spiritually first, followed by supporting her emotionally and finally provide for her physically in every way I can, morally. Ultimately, to achieve a better relationship with God as a couple.

Other reasons for not getting one are as follows.
In Maslow's hierarchy of needs, I realize I can fulfill all the required needs, alone!

I don't need to worry about eating good food cos I can make my own honey omelette breakfast, cook my own wafu pasta for lunch, bake my own cheesecakes for my own birthdays and blend myself a nice mango smoothie before I go to sleep.

I don't need to worry about my cleanliness cos I can wash my dirty toilet, clean my own smelly underwear, dry my own towels, and iron my own uniforms. I will be learning how to sew my own clothes in the near future.

I don't need to worry my financial future cos I've got enough talents to find my own job, career and possibly start my own business to fund enough for my needs and wants and not to mention the financial IQ to plan a good future. My parents are probably going to leave the car and house to me cos i'm the only son, my dad has 2 piece of land that has a value enough for my grandchildren even if I choose not to work.

I don't need to worry about loneliness cos I can get a puppy dog, cat, bunny or even a parrot if I wanted a companion to talk and play with. I understand the technological advances well enough to know that I can talk to anyone about anything through virtual worlds like Second Life, MMORPG, IMVU chats or simply strangers on Facebook if I needed a person to share my secrets with cos they have no idea who am I so they can't really spread to people who knows me.

I don't need to worry about happiness cos I'm a funny guy, so funny that I make myself laugh about anything at all. Just need to take a scroll outside and I'll be thinking how funny it is to see a lady in her late 40s still trying her best to look pretty but has no idea why she's still single. If not, I can also download funny clips or movies online to watch anyway.

I don't need to worry about my offspring cos my dad says he'll buy me a wife if I don't find a girlfriend by 30. I'd have done the same and I'm sure I'll choose the one with the best possible genetics in terms of physical appearance to match my intellectual, healthy, tall and strong genetics to get the best possible genetically produced children. Sorry to boast but there's only about 3% in the world's population who has AB blood type which makes me pretty rare among the A, B and O blood type.

I don't need to worry about how my children will grow up to be cos I have developed a habit of actively looking out for self-help books and articles via the internet to constantly upgrade myself emotionally, spiritually and in terms of relationship. I can build a loving relationship with anybody I want if I wanted. I am also confident to teach, train and bring up newborns to become the best that they can be all on my own.

My only worry is my sis and my parents when they get older as I move on in life but I'm sure I can come to a compromising solution with my mei who will move out to live with her husband in the future.

So I don't really have a good enough reason to be looking for a girlfriend right now but tell me why is there a very sharp piercing feeling inside when I think about this? Is there really someone out there specially made for me that I must pursue in this life? Did I miss out something here?

I try to seek the bible for help and I'm faced with a
'The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”' -Genesis 2:18
and
"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor:"
-Ecclesiastes 4:9
followed by a
"Are you pledged to a woman? Do not seek to be released. Are you free from such a commitment? Do not look for a wife. But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this." -1 Corinthians 7:27-28

I was stuck in this dilemma for quite some time now and I kept on praying really hard about it and God finally told me that it doesn't matter which one I choose for He Will reveal to me His purpose for me in either choice I make. The ball comes back right into my court once again. I'm still stuck in this dilemma. Sigh...

Feel like tossing a coin and leaving to fate.

Which leads me to the second part, Passion and Purpose... To Be Continued...

Had a Vision
on Wednesday, February 23, 2011, 10:56 PM