Fai†hfully Preparing my Fields for the Rain

:: Bottled Up Anger ::

I'm the type who bottle up my anger. When someone pisses me off, I usually let it pass but I almost never forget it. At least I'll try to, which sometimes I actually will. I'm rather quick to forgive though cos I've been forgiven for my sins. Like I said before, forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting or a never feeling the pain anymore, we may never forget and the pain may last forever, but forgiving is choosing and promising to never bring the subject up again to anybody especially to that person and using it against that person. God didn't forget my sins and it definitely hurts Him to see us sin but He chose to never bring it up again against us. That's true forgiveness.

I believe that people don't really mean to hurt others intentionally, at least they weren't born that way, it's either of their personality that nurtured from their past experience, it could be how they were taught or through various reasons and experience that made them the way they are, so I couldn't really blame them if they said or did something that may have hurt me. It may be a self defense mechanism that have brought them this far. It's all Satan's fault, his evil suggestions for the society in a whole. All the evil, selfish, jealous, uncaring, proud, boastful and impatient seeds that he has planted in our hearts. Everyone is born innocent.

For me, my self defenses have evolved overtime through various books I've read and applied. Like how admitting my weaknesses and bad habits before the other party says them, makes them think twice before saying anything. When someone says something insulting or mean to you, reply, "thank you for your compliment, same to you too!" When in doubt, always ask, never judge, some things may not be what it seems. Always let others win, even if you are right cos you don't have to be right all the time, a lesson in humility. Seek to make others happy instead of yourself, it makes life so much more worth living for. Worrying solve nothing.

Back to the topic of my bottled up anger. I'll always be nice to everyone if possible but somehow, no matter how nice I appear to a person who continually pisses me off, I always have thoughts of getting back at that person. I'll have thoughts of me saying really bad stuff that will make the person hope he/she was never born. I'll keep thinking of various bad stuff to say but eventually rationalize that our purpose on earth never was to destroy each other but to live together peacefully. If I had the choice and was still in the right of mind, I'd rather be the one who gets hurt than hurting others. Fighting was, is and will always be the worst solution. So in the end, the emotions is so called, bottled up. I know it's bad for health.

The thing with bottle up anger is well, they eventually blow up! Gets pretty nasty... I'll skip the details but the good thing is that, my capacity increases after each one which I've realize after more than a few people start commenting that I am a calm and patient guy. =)

I usually communicate through my problems. I'll try to get a win-win solution if possible. Else I'll just move on and decide that that person is just not worth my time and quit talking to him/her. Some people just need to learn it the hard way.

Dealing with people is just so difficult, everyone is so different. Knowing this, has made me very taciturn and distant that I'd rather live in solitude, away from people, away from the crowd... but somewhere deep inside tells me that there are many people out there that may need my help. Hmmm... need to pray about that...

So in the end, I'll just stick to my bottled up angers... I believe in world peace.

Dear God, sorry for bottling up my emotions, sorry for every time I blow up and sorry for every evil thoughts that come across my mind. Thank You for forgiving me and thank You for giving me the fruit of patience and gentleness. I pray you sow in me the seed of love, joy, peace, kindness, goodness, faithfulness and self-control. In Jesus name I pray, amen.

Had a Vision
on Sunday, April 17, 2011, 8:57 PM