Had a Vision
on Thursday, June 30, 2011, 11:13 AM

I'm a very picture person. And I need to picture things. I have photographic memory, of events. I like to talk about perspective because everyone has a different view. What seems to be may not really be...

Anyways, I was browsing through the web and found some artworks that I like... my kind of style... I can't draw to that kind of style but I would very much like these pictures to be hung up in my house next time.

Wandering Through The Snow Mountains

Little Girl with the Gentle Stone Golem

Storm Dragon

Dawn Creeks

Jungle Ruins

Cliff Dragon

Cliff

Shore Tower

Gallant Knight VS Dragon

Impossible Alleyway

Digging Your Own Grave

Wanted to talk about dreams though... had a dream of death that I have yet to blog about...

Was doing some research and found out that...

Dreams often bring up all the things we do not want to think about, all things we push aside, all things that we repressed and suppress in the day while they press upon us.

Had a Vision
on , 1:13 AM

This is one of my favourite digimon. It is small but packs a heavy punch. It may look like a rookie level but it's actually a mega level, the same level as Wargreymon.

MarineAngemon is a Pixie Digimon whose name and design are derived from the sea angel. Since it inhabits the Net Ocean, its figure can rarely be seen. Although it possesses the name of "Angemon", as far as the ecosystem is concerned, the Angemon-species is actually a different family. It wears a Holy Ring around its neck. Although it fundamentally dislikes combat, its Special Move "Ocean Love" results in it achieving victory.

This is digimon now reminds of someone... small and packs a heavy punch. Not to be messed around with... good thing I'm also a mega level.

Had a Vision
on Wednesday, June 29, 2011, 10:59 AM

“Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections.”

In other words, being contented with what you have.

Actually I'm way past that level of happiness. Generally, anything or everything that happens, be it shit or dark clouds, I've been trained so well, I could almost immediately see the silver lining and get over it. Maybe the most I'll grumble abit to get it out of my female harmonic system. Cos majority of guys don't really need to 'talk' about their problem. IT'S TRUE!

Even though I 'act' alot but emotions are not something easy to be acted upon. There are times when I am angry, upset, hurt, disappointed, and times when I really am happy. I really like to be happy. Who doesn't!?

So in order to be happy most of the time, I smile. Smiles are influential. It may not be a real smile at the first moment when deep down I'm sad, hurt or disappointed but the moment I see the smiles light up on another person's face, my smile turns into a real one. All these moments happen in half a second time... but my blog seems to amplify the effect because these half a second hidden hurts and disappointments really gets burnt into my memories.

Right now, in this juncture of my life, someone really special is having great influence in me... This is so going to make me sound needy but I think I have to say else she'll start to think otherwise... The feeling of loneliness is amplified! Every Minute She Get 1 meter away from me I feel EMPTY! Despite all the bruises, stunts and emotional rides... I feel completed when I'm with her... There I said it! Now I sound like a needy little boy... haiz...

Off to work... Don't think so much... No use worrying about anything, cos worrying doesn't solve anything. Be happy. =) (these are the self comforting moments I need to see a real smile)

Had a Vision
on , 10:14 AM

Ambivert is the in between of Extrovert and Introvert. Outgoing and Reserved.

I am actually by nature an introvert. When I was just a child, I was the "observer" I spend my time thinking and observer people. When I grow older, I started to understand friendship and later on I learnt about social norms.

Being alone had always been pretty much my life. At the same time I didn't like it, I also wanted to be accepted. I wanted to be greeted with warmth and respect wherever I go. I wanted to find just a friend who would understand me. I realized that the best way to make friends was to be one. Initially I couldn't do it. I just didn't know how. Slowly as I got older, I read more and learn more from experience on how to make friends.

I applied them and they worked, I always ask and prompt questions to arouse interest, then I act like I'm very interested with little tell tale signs like "Wa!" "Really??" "No, Seriously?!~" All of which were read from books. Keeping eye contact when talking and listening. Listen more because people like to talk about themselves. The more they talk about themselves and I look interested, they will start to like me and think I am interesting when I deep down I really couldn't care less cos the very next day I probably forgotten what you said.

Then I learnt and even better technique, laughter. It is the closest distance between people. I learnt to smile. Smiling and laughter have great influence on people. They feel close to me, so close to me that they start sharing they're deepest darkest secrets with me. I don't know if they realize they don't know me yet, I don't trust them. I am not close to them, as I always control the conversation, I ask the questions, they reveal about themselves. I never mentioned about me.

This whole thing, just because I wanted to be accepted, just because of the social norms, I had to put up an act, put on a mask.

Deep down I'm still a lone wolf. Longing to find someone who truly understands me and accept me for who I am. At the same time still gives me my lone time to howl my grief and sadness in the moonlight.

Along the way, the mask has been on me for so long, it seems to have become "another me". Like a split personality. I was in much dilemma, I no longer knew who I really was. I tossed and turn in bed, I cried and laughed like a mad man.

Then slowly but surely I come to the fact that I am still me, a better me, a learnt me. The mask has become part of my life, the smile has become a permanent feature. I was just stressed out with the uncomfortable change, the stepping out of my comfort zone to become someone I wasn't. I was evolving.

Now I'm still evolving, to become and even better me.

In the end, I am still in search of my soulmate... another me who truly understand me... to be accepted for who I am...

Had a Vision
on Tuesday, June 28, 2011, 10:18 AM

I like the number "7" but the number "3" pops ups more in my life... bus 3 I take everyday, 3 days into a relationship and had my first quarrel, 3 years since my last relationship, her core number 3, I live 13th floor, she live 3rd floor, 1983, 3 weeks b4 we *cough*... triangle love sort of... 3 kingdoms... 3 dots... rotate a "W" anti-clockwise to get a 3... 30 years since my parents are married... 30 years since her parents are married...

It's been 3 months since I stepped into Gemalto, in March, 3rd month of a year, the place where I met this amazing girl... with only 3 letters in her name...

This is really all together too coincidental... Requires further research...

Three
The spiritual meaning of number Three deals with magic, intuition, fecundity, and advantage. The number Three invokes expression, versatility, and pure joy of creativity. Three is also a time identifier as it represents Past, Present and Future. Consecutive Threes in your life may symbolize the need to express yourself creatively, or consider your present directional path in relation to past events and future goals. Three may also represent promising new adventures, and assurance of cooperation from others whom you may require help. Three typically symbolizes reward and success in most undertakings.

Had a Vision
on Monday, June 27, 2011, 11:57 AM

Ugh... This feeling... How can I miss someone that badly... it's not even a day...

Knock out of it Andrew! Stay focus! Do not lose yourself!

AHHH!!! Can't do it... can't stop thinking of her...

Chill chill... what is everybody going to think... What is she going to think...

You're the very calm Andrew, you can handle your emotions better than anyone you know. So stay cool. like a Cool Kitty Cat!

Had a Vision
on , 11:26 AM

I'd rather dig holes and tunnels in the sand than digging up the past... cos the past is history, there's no use talking about it. Some may debate that it teaches us lessons, to not repeat those mistakes past people have done but times have changed! The past problems will NEVER be repeated because we are facing new things everyday! New situations!

I don't understand why must the past be brought up so much especially if they were not a good memory. Wouldn't bringing it up, bring up the negative feelings together?? Does it feel good to bring up negative feelings??!! The worst thing is that these negative feelings affect others! Cmon' people! If you love the people around you, make them happy!

Anyways... talking bout digging makes me miss my days at Sentosa where I dig holes and tunnels... get buried and feeling breathless... then followed by a terrible burn that gets slapped after whining about it.

Life... live it well people!

Had a Vision
on Sunday, June 26, 2011, 8:34 PM

Had a Vision
on Wednesday, June 22, 2011, 10:28 AM

Hmm... I haven't touched this game for so long, I wonder why I had this dream with clear numbers haha. But too bad I don't buy 4D. I still considered it gambling. No good.

I dreamt I was playing monopoly with a few people. I rolled first to see who went first. I got a "3". Then the person on my right got a "2" and the person on my left got a "1". The rest didn't roll and we decided to let me go first and take turns anti-clockwise.

I rolled a "3" that fell on the ground which everyone shouted and asked if I want to "save it" to which I responded "huh". They say the one that fell on the ground not counted. I say okay. Another one landed at "5" so that makes an "8" which landed me in a "brown" in my dream thats not right... but I didn't know it wasn't right in my dream but I sure felt that I didn't want to land there, so I took the dice on the ground and re-rolled it to a "2" which sums up a "7" which made me land on a "Chance" instead! I was happy! I took the chance card and it shows a train picture and tells me to go to the nearest train station. I got more happy that I'm way ahead in the game. Then the rest ask if I want to buy, I said "No". Everyone got confused. I wasn't sure why I said no either. Probably cos I wanted to save for the more expensive one.

Then I woke up.

Here are the numbers that popped up in my dream for those who believe in luck. 32153827.... Can go buy 4D le...

But I believe dreams do have hidden meaning though... let's try to interpret this... Due to the numbers involved, this dream has several meanings...

The numbers could mean a date like 3/2/15 and 3/8/27. Something major may happen when I'm 29 and another major event will happen when I'm 41. (And here you go blog readers, another 4 numbers for you guys to buy 4D with.) And if I were to count numerology with these numbers I'll get 6133. (Another number for you gambling guys out there!) Which in numerology boils down to the number "4".

Four: The symbolic meaning of number Four deals with stability and invokes the grounded nature of all things. Consider the four seasons, four directions, four elements all these amazingly powerful essences wrapped up in the nice square package of Four. Fours represent solidity, calmness, and home. A recurrence of Four in your life may signify the need to get back to your roots, center yourself, or even "plant" yourself. Fours also indicate a need for persistence and endurance.

Along with landing on house, chance and train station coupled with the significant dates, could mean I'll get my first house when I'm 29 then a chance to buy a train station when I'm 41. Just my guess. The 2 dates could also mean the birth date of 2 people I'll know in the future that plays a significant role on earth.

Then the rest of the dream could have the following meanings...

To play monopoly in your dream, signifies your business dealings and your aspirations for success. Perhaps you are undertaking some business endeavor or venture where a lot of money is at stake. The dream may also be a pun on how you or someone is monopolizing your time, a discussion or your finances.

To see or play dice in your dream, suggests that you are taking chances and playing with fate. It refers to the unpredictability of life. The dream may also be a pun on a situation that may be getting too "dicey". Consider the significance of the numbers reflected on the dice or how many dice were thrown.

THREE: Considered by the ancient Greeks to be the perfect number, three represents the union of body mind and spirit. Its shape is the triangle, which may represent the creative force. Three can also symbolise the Holy Trinity.

TWO: Two represents diversity. It is the number of duality and divine symmetry. It represents the union of opposites such as male and female, mother father, yin and yang or heaven and earth.

ONE: One is the number that initiates action. It may represent the source of life or oneness of all creation. Its associated shape is a point.

FIVE: Five represents the link between the heavens and the earth. Its symbol is the five-pointed pentagram.

EIGHT: The Chinese believe that eight is very lucky and brings great good fortune. It can represent regeneration and new beginnings.

SEVEN: Seven is the symbol of completeness-an idea originating from the belief that the world was created in seven days. It was believed that the soul renewed itself every seven years and hence the belief that to break a mirror will bring seven years bad luck, as mirrors are a reflection of the soul.

Had a Vision
on Tuesday, June 21, 2011, 9:51 AM

Money is an issue and will always be an issue...

On Sunday when I came back, instead of facing warm welcome home hugs that I long for, I jumped into bed and the first thing that was thrown onto my bed was my dad's car rental and a parking summon. $780 + $50. Then a $350 was thrown on my bed again to pay for the car loan and summon followed by another $150 for my allowance. You do the math! I don't like to count stuff like this... they're my parents anyway.

My mom suggested to put my money in her bank for savings... I decline her offer. -_-"
I don't want to believe what my horoscope says but trust is really the hardest thing anyone can get from me... I don't even trust my parents.

Dad will be taking the car to Malaysia this weekend... =(

But my YiYi is back!! =D

Had a Vision
on , 9:40 AM

Had this really weird dream. I was in my room, it was a mess. There were all sorts of stuff lying around in piles of mess including wires and stuff. My meimei came to clear it and put them in proper piles while I went to sleep, then when I woke up in my dream, a weird and fierce fairy was telling me to get a move on. She was shouting at me like a nasty sergeant telling me to start paddling. I looked out the window and realize my apartment was flying.

There were two wires connected to the wings outside my windows, which were connected to my door which was connected to two pedals. I wanted to start paddling but one of the parts were missing, a pink adapter. I remembered it was in the pile of mess so the fairy who by the way was life size, not the little Tinkerbell type. She helped me to look for my pink adapter while scolding me. We both looked high and low for the missing pink adapter but just couldn't find it. We search every corner in my room and still couldn't find it... Then I woke up.

Let's try to interpret this...
O.O

Had a Vision
on Monday, June 20, 2011, 9:35 AM

Everytime I drive at a very high speed and I see a speed bump I slow down. That is what they are there for! They're not to stop you or change your direction but to SLOW you down, telling you "Woa there! your moving too fast!" NOT "hey! ur on the wrong road! turn back now!"

Like life, we will meet with many bumps in life. Little obstacles that interrupts the flow in our life. Little comments, arguments, critical statements, unfair treatments and unfavored changes. They will never cease to appear in our little road of life that we travel on. Often, some roads we travel on, there are many of these bumps that appear constantly and we get very frustrated, we get slowed down but that is all because those roads are dangerous, the bumps are to remind us to slow down and be careful.

But are we suppose to stop? NO! NEVER STOP! WE KEEP MOVING FORWARD! else people are gonna get killed behind...

Had a Vision
on Sunday, June 19, 2011, 11:49 PM

Something happened over the weekend. I got abducted by an anngel and wrestled with her. It was truly a memorable weekend.

Today fathers' day. Went out to eat. Was disappointed with my dad. Told me not to get serious in this relationship cos she's older, I'm younger and I dunno what I'm getting myself into. Further questioning of his statement, mom explained and told me that she is going to age so fast and turn into an old wrinkly old lady then not good for me liao. -_-"

Like all arguments with parents and since it's fathers' day, I only went 'orh.'

Then we went to visit my ah gong, who is staying with my ah gu. He too gave me another lecture on 'love'. Said that he's been in and out of love so many times, he knows alot and stuff... says got puppy love then adolescence love then adult love... Then on with his teachings about choices which I kinda refuse to let them go in knowing that he's a bankrupt, alcohol addict and got divorce. But the very last line he said which I did accept was, "In the end, the choice is still up to you. Do anything you want, just don't regret."

Had a Vision
on , 10:35 PM

Had a Vision
on , 10:23 PM

I feel better... but I desperately need a hug... Why are all my family asleep... I miss Keith... the gay shit guy who goes around in office hugging everyone for no reason all day.

Had a Vision
on Friday, June 17, 2011, 1:46 AM

Andrew, you need to take a chill pill. Why are you so affected by her leh?

Take the chill pill, sit back, relax and enjoy the show. Most importantly, DO YOUR HOMEWORK!!!

Had a Vision
on Thursday, June 16, 2011, 10:38 AM

I don't have a best friend yet... someone just as nonsense as me... someone who can tolerate my nonsense... someone who will hear me out no matter how nonsense my emo shit nonsense get...

I know some who is just as nonsense as me but not the other 2.

I know a few who can tolerate my nonsense but can't do the other 2.

I know someone who will hear me out when things gets out of hand but not the other 2.

In the end, I still feel like an alien. I still need my mask on. It's consuming me though... like Ichigo from Bleach.

Had a Vision
on , 9:37 AM

Come Back Here to the present! Now! Here!

Had a Vision
on , 1:31 AM

Had a Vision
on , 1:17 AM

How Many keys does it take... to Unlock your Heart?

Had a Vision
on Wednesday, June 15, 2011, 3:37 AM

Maybe I'm the one who needs to be saved...

Had a Vision
on Monday, June 13, 2011, 2:34 AM

One day, Plato asked Socrates what love is.

Socrates said: "Go across this wheat field, pick up and bring back the best and finest wheat, but remember one thing, you cannot go back, and you only have one chance."

Then Plato did so, but he came back with nothing after a long time.

Socrates asked him why? Plato answered: "I did saw the best and finest wheat when I walked through the field, but I was always thinking that maybe there would be some better ones ahead, so I gave it a miss; but as I moved on, there was nothing better than the one before, so in the end I came back with nothing."

Socrates smiled and said that this is love. It can be the most beautiful thing that can happen to a person, but you don't realise it's worth until it's gone.

*****
Next day, Plato asked Socrates what marriage is.

Socrates said: "Go across this forest, cut down and bring back the tallest and most solid tree, but remember one thing, you cannot go back and you only have one chance."

Then Plato did so, but he just brought back a not so tall and solid one but good enough.

Socrates asked him why. Plato said: "I saw some very good trees on my way in the forest, this time, I learned something from the last time in the wheat field, so I just chose this one. If I did not, I was afraid that I would come back with nothing again, so doesn't matter if this is not the best one."

This time, Socrates said with significance this is marriage. It is a compromise, you pick the first best one and learn to live happily with it.

*****
One more time, Plato asked Socrates what happiness is.

Socrates said: "Go across this field, pick the most beautiful flower, but remember one thing, you cannot go back, and you only have one chance."

Then Plato did so, and he came back with a fairly pretty flower.

Socrates asked him was this the most beautiful one. Plato said: "I saw this beautiful flower, picked it and thought this was the most beautiful one, when I walked in the field. And even though I saw many other beautiful ones, I still believed this was the most beautiful one, so I brought it back."

Then Socrates said profoundly this is happiness. It is being content with what you have, knowing there are better ones out there.

*****
Again, Plato asked his teacher Socrates what lust is.

Socrates asked him to go through the forest again, and he could have the freedom to go back and forth to bring back the most beautiful flower.

Plato went out with confidence, and came back, bringing a bright but a little withered flower after two hours.

Socrates asked him whether this was the most beautiful flower. He answered to his teacher: "I was looking for the prettiest one for two hours and found this was the one, but on my way back, this picked flower was becoming withered."

Then Socrates told him sternly, this is lust. It may look like the most beautiful thing but will die off as soon as you have one and you'll be left with nothing in the end.


*****
Another day, Plato asked his teacher Socrates what life is.

Socrates asked him again to go through the forest, he could have all the time and freedom but must bring back the most beautiful flower.

Plato learned from his last experience and went out with great confidence.

Three days passed, he did not come back.

Socrates became worried and walked into the forest to look for him, soon after, he found that Plato had pitched a camp in the forest. Socrates asked him whether he had found the prettiest flower. He pointed at a flower beside him and said this was the one.

Socrates asked him why he did not bring it back.

He answered: "If I did, it would be withered soon. Even if I did not, it would also wither sooner or later. So I decided to be beside it when it was in its best blossom, and when it died, I would find the next; this was the second one I found here."

This time, Socrates smiled again and told him: "Now you’ve already known the truth of life. It is about living the moments and moving on."

Had a Vision
on Sunday, June 12, 2011, 6:10 PM

Dear God,
Please remind me that it is the little things in life that is important. Remind me not to get busy with succeeding in life that I forget about the important things in life, the things where I will look back one day and realize they were the big things in life.

Remind me to never give up the opportunity to give a helping hand to my love ones around me, for I may never know I will ever get the chance again, remind me that the best sacrifice cannot be bought with money, is time. The best gift is to give our time. Remind me to not worry about the future for tomorrow will worry by itself, and the best gift I can give myself is living for today. To make every moment count, and every second of my life worth living for.

Thank you God for giving me a partner to remind me about these. Truly grateful. You've been here for me for the last 8 years of my life, teaching, guiding me and carrying me through all the storms in my life, I cannot be more awed by Your magnificent love and glory. I pray that You will also give my partner a chance to experience Your wonderful love. An eternal pillar of strength to depend on like how You've been there for me. Use me if You will to shine Your light through me onto her. It is You who loved me first that I learnt how to love. In Jesus Christ most precious name I pray. Amen.

Had a Vision
on Thursday, June 09, 2011, 11:38 AM

Had a Vision
on , 1:10 AM

This is really getting tougher than I thought... How did those who manage to go thru this actually went thru it...

Working and studying is really killing me. I've never been so stressed up in my life... I really feel like giving up one of them...

Had a Vision
on Wednesday, June 08, 2011, 9:02 PM

Here's a post I made long time ago, digging it up again for a reminder.

A long time ago, before the world was created and humans set foot on it, God had put all the human qualities in a separate room. Since all the qualities were bored they decided to play hide & seek. Madness was one of the qualities and he shouted, "I want to count, I want to count!" And since nobody was crazy enough to want to seek Madness, all the other qualities agreed. So Madness leaned against a tree and started to count, "One, two, three..." As Madness counted, the qualities went hiding. Treason hid in a pile of garbage.. Lie said that it would hide under a stone, but hid at the bottom of the lake. And Madness continued to count, "seventy nine, eighty, eighty one..."

By this time, all the qualities were already hidden, except Love. For stupid as Love is, he could not decide where to hide. And this should not surprise us, because we all know how difficult it is to hide Love.

Madness continued, "ninety five, ninety six, ninety seven..." Just when Madness got to one hundred... Love jumped into a rose bush where he hid.

And Madness turned around and shouted: "I'm coming, I'm coming!" As Madness turned around, Laziness was the first to be found, because Laziness was too lazy to hide. Madness searched madly and found Lie at the bottom of the lake. One by one, Madness found them all, except Love. Madness was getting desperate, unable to find Love. Envious of Love, Envy whispered to Madness, "Love is hiding in the rose bush."

Madness jumped on the rose bush and he heard a loud cry. The thorns in the bush had pierced the eyes of Love.

Hearing the commotion, God came into the room and saw what had happened. He got very angry and cursed Madness and said, "Since Love has become blind because of you, you shall always be with him."

And so it came about that from that day on, Love is blind and is always accompanied by Madness.

but..

Had a Vision
on , 11:59 AM

Is being in love all rosy all the time?
NO! Doesn't Exist on Earth.

Will there be times where we hurt each other?
YES! All the time, the closer you get to the roses, the closer you get to the thorns.

But do still continue to open up ourselves to fall in love again?
HELL YEA! Why did we make the first leap anyway! Cos we're crazy people who do crazy things!

Had a Vision
on , 11:58 AM

Had a Vision
on , 4:35 AM

Since the weather is getting so hot outside, I may need some cavetime soon...

Maybe I've fallen too deep, I've lost myself. Why is it so hard to tell someone that you're hurt without hurting them...

Maybe I need to be alone and think about this... where's my mask?

Had a Vision
on , 3:18 AM

Is it me or is it getting hot... the temperature starts to raise... the plants all dry up... everything becomes clearer as the sun shines brighter...

It was all fun in the sun until it get so scorching it starts to hurt...

The Mask is my favourite movie...

My life consist of this one mask-fits-all. The mask that covers everything with a smile. When I am angry I smile, when I'm jealous I smile, when I'm upset I smile, when I'm happy I smile, when I'm elated I smile, when I'm in pain I smile, when I'm hurt I also smile... Nobody can see through this mask, especially when I'm hurt I smile the most. The mask is so real sometimes I'm convinced that I'm alright...

This isn't what I really want to write... I'm just beating around the bush again, trying to make it sound softer. Here's the thing.

The thing is, there is a big difference when I use the word pain and the word hurt. Pain is only felt on the outside, hurt is on the inside... Normally people will never tell others their weakness and what they are afraid of because they fear that the others would use it against them, so they only confide these secrets to people they trust, people who they believe will not use their weaknesses on them...

Question is, how do you trust someone who do uses them on you...

image of a pinch mark... not painful anymore, cos now it hurts. =(

Had a Vision
on , 2:11 AM

When you say "I can take care of myself."

I hear "I don't need you anymore..."

When you say "You don't have to do this."

I hear "I no longer need you to love me anymore..."

Had a Vision
on , 1:59 AM

This is my side of the story... of how the calm sea was shaken by the Shocking pink crab who wanted to test the water.

28 March 2011
First Day @ Gemalto. Reached half an hr early. Saw my boss, said that there was 2 other girls. Saw a girl walked into the canteen. Her pace was fast, put a bunch of stuff on the table and went to get a drink. Seems like the type who is quite established in her life, most likely have a good portfolio, and tons of experience. She dressed with much elegance which spells out, "High Maintenance" to me, she's a little short (a head shorter than me) but a hottie for sure, guessing that she's probably been hit on quite a few times and has a lot of experience with guys too... Probably I have little to no chance getting close to her, feels like she has a wall around her, doors and windows all shut tight.

Then another girl came in, it was the girl who went for interview with me, I knew she'd make it if I made it. She was good! Can communicate well, strong articulation of English and great portfolio. I pretend I didn't see her, played cool until she came to talk to me.

There was much waiting, we talked alot, I was in my "make friends" mode. Prompted alot of questions to find a hot button so we could click. Clicked well YenLee, but Ann was really dao, I guessed I have to use a different approach, so I purposely talk to YenLee more until I had nothing left to talk then finally I talked to her and the first thing I saw was her Madonna tooth, immediately reminded me of my mom. Her points dropped by one. She spoke in Singlish with much ah lian slang in her communication, had tattoos and smoke, how typical can an ah lian get, doesn't really talks alot compared to YenLee when we are having our lunch with our direct supervisor. She made her first stunning moments to me when she said she was jaded. I couldn't believe there will be words I won't understand from an ah lian. She didn't explain to me and told me to Google it myself, Kaoz! Made me feel stupid... better watch out...

11 April 2011
We're getting the hang of things, or at least I am... found out that Robin is an asshole, YenLee is attached and Ann is probably attached, married or engaged as well cos she has a ring on her ring finger and she doesn't really goes home with me and YenLee. Everyone's older and I'm most likely free from all the BGR hoohah. Can focus on my dream.

I'm starting to think she has BDSM or some weird fetish as conversations with her seems to revolve around people naked, BiSai, shitting, peeing, imagination that involves people getting severely hurt in some ways, and has a cardboard made chopper used for fanning herself. (she smells nice) I've never met someone like that, especially a girl! This day was the day she ask for MSN from everyone, suddenly becoming friendly. Makes me wonder what she's up to.

16 April 2011
I was met with a 'pleasant' surprise by this girl. She actually went to find me on facebook. I'm really not into talking and socializing outside of work or school... why did she look for me... hmm...

21 April 2011
It's almost a month, she was transferred to my team and was placed right beside me in office doing the same job of preflight, since it was a high security company, we weren't allowed to have our cellphone inside so we've been talking alot in office, on facebook and smses... she initiates most of the chats... maybe it's normal for her but I don't usually talk to people when I'm alone. So we talked loh... Until somewhere, somehow, there was a little gossiping and cupid playing around me and Ann. The cupids were really messing around with the two of us alot. I found out she was single, I was confused, so why the ring on the ring finger? She can't possibly not know what the ring finger is for, right?

Then at this particular night, she popped a very surprising question. She asked me if I like her. Then many questions popped in my head... why is she asking this? What did I do? What did I say? Is there a chance she has feelings for me already? I did have some feelings for her but tried to avoid the topic and beat around the bush abit giving very vague answers as I thought she is still with someone and I didn't want to ruin their relationship. I tried as hard as possible to pull away from the topic as I know it will get very awkward in office. I thought finally I could pull it off by comparing what GJ was doing, I said, "Well, I didn't send you home nor kiss you on the cheek and ran away, what do you think?" but to my even bigger surprise, she said "Just so you know, I do admire some of your traits.." To which I replied, "yea, me too then." I'm like huh?! So was that like a confession? So now what? I'm not looking for any relationship right now. I declared that we'd be friends first. The next working day was really awkward as expected but we warmed back up soon after... She started her short-selling to convince me that she's no good. I wasn't convinced, in fact I realized that there's something very special about her I couldn't put into words...

6 May 2011
She cried 2 times since... and I wasn't there... I found out that she really was with someone... Questions popped up again. So is she using me to teach her 'bf' a lesson? Am I her rebound? Is she a player? I tried to stay away and not be too close to her since we're still friends. I still had feelings for her, a little stronger than before, talked to many of my friends and pretty much decided that I will give it a try. So this night we went out to Clarke Quay, had some booze. We were placed in very uncomfortable positions emotionally when we played Truth or Dare. We played till around 3am. I had to send the girls home, it was only right to do so. She insisted to go home herself, but in a flash of a moment, I grabbed her wrist and pulled her into the cab. My determination was stronger. Then she suggested to send Daisy home first, which we did. Then I alighted at her place to make sure she's home safely, she wasn't really sober and I had to pee. She went up, and I went to pee. So that was it I thought.

I thought wrong! After I peed, she called to tell me she came back down to look for me and wanted to talk, I quickly walked back to her place, not knowing she already came looking for me. How drama is that! So as I expected, the talk was about us, but surprisingly, she also decided... the opposite of what I decided, I wanted to give this a try but she was short selling herself again. Saying she no good and all. She say she wasn't ready. It was a little tug of war that ended 2 hrs later, I asked if she wanted a hug cos I felt she needed one and to my surprise after saying she's not ready, she leaped into my arms gave me a really tight hug! Then a another stunner came when she hugged halfway and stopped to ask if I was okay?! I was uber in shock! What was that question for, what does the hug means, what exactly is this girl up to??! She's saying no but doesn't act like a no at all... I took a cab home... confused but happy.

9 May 2011
This day was quite a shocker for me again, I thought it was a normal day until at night I found out she was crying alone somewhere after work, I wanted to go home, but GJ made it sound worst than it seems so I ran as fast as I could to find her only to be pushed away and asked to go home, I tried to comfort her but wasn't in the position to comfort her through touch. I just don't anyhow touch girls unlike most people. It was when I almost walked away then she started talking... I couldn't quite remember what was said but I managed to make her laugh finally. Then the conversation went back to us. She still wasn't ready so I thought we'll go slowly then, stay as friends maybe until July but she say she only needed 2 weeks. So we agreed to wait... but she stun me again! The next evening, she invited me to have dinner with her parents!!! I was like... what the... again, I was confused but happy.

14-15 May 2011
The rest of the week we talked alot, she was short-selling herself again and kept asking if I was really okay with seeing her parents. I re-affirmed her time and time again. She cried alot this week also... over her Ex...
Saturday was here, it was the first time we, as friends in the workplace go out together. I didn't expect it to be a long day but it was a long day... which ended in some very drama goose chase... (not my story, not gonna write) I sent her home, the short-selling conversation still went on... in my car, I re-affirmed her again and she left me with a super long hug and 2 surprising pecks on my cheek. She didn't let go after the peck, I felt that she wanted a peck back but I told her I don't do kisses, wanted to save for wedding day. So she finally left the car, both of us seem very happy, I was smiling ear to ear all the way back... it was the first time I was kissed by a girl. Not counting family and relatives.

So the next day, I was like... wait a minute... she hugged me and kiss me so doesn't that means we're together? So I went to confirm with her before I went to meet her parents for dinner. 15 May 2011. Official date. We laid down the rules for the relationship, no calling her ah lian, gave me the green light to hug anytime. Expects me to hold her hand and also expects a little peck on the cheek every now and then. I agreed, no lip to lip kissing though, I heard of no kissing till wedding day stories and thought it was kind of nice and wanted it as well. So anyway, today was the day the stars seems so much brighter that I could see them in the day time! And so begins the story of Ann Choo & Andrew Wai...



17 May 2011
It was only 2 days and I've met up with her best friends... It was cool, they were nice people, not as judgmental as I thought it would be. We had a few good laughs so I guess I passed.

18 May 2011
Then the very next day, the 3rd day into our relationship we quarreled! Oh my! 3 days! I was just as hurt but I kept it inside and quickly apologized first... I can't lose her now... It was like the fish who bit my little finger and got away. Said I broke her into smaller pieces...

19 May 2011
I took half day off to settle a signature in school then I switched off my phone, I didn't know how to talk to her, just couldn't find the right words, in fear of ever hurting her again. That night I went to the beach to pray and cry for 2 hours before I went home and I lied to her that my battery died cos the night b4 never charge so I didn't reply her. (reasonable excuse I think) Then we talked over the phone and sorted things out, only to realize we've fallen deeper than we thought. =)

22 May 2011
Our one week anniversary, I was too busy with my project and couldn't go out with her but to my surprise again! She wanted to pass me something, insisted very much to get my address and I thought it was a hug but wow, she passed me a love token, a couple necklace, loosely around our neck, hanging close to the heart, pendant was a ring with 2 diamond stars and with our initials embedded on each other. How sweet and so silly of her, I brought her up to my place to wait till I finish my project then I can send her home. It was very late, we hugged and I pecked her cheek, she pecked mine in the car, I could feel like she wanted the kiss on the lips but I looked away, she still held on to me, I insisted to keep it for wedding day but she said the most stunning thing ever in my life, at first she asked if I'm really gonna call the cops if she took my first kiss with which I replied no la, then she blurted out "I'm gonna rape you!" Still holding onto me, she just lean in for it and she was so determined to kiss me, I struggled abit but eventually her determination won, I was just too weak at the same time I sort of wanted and I just couldn't reject her. It takes alot of courage for a girl to initiate something like that, had to give it to her. It was really strange at first cos I didn't know how but slowly I got the hang of it and we almost tongued... I thought it would taste weird but turned out to be so yummy! Then I got addicted... I did alot of kissing and hugging later on in our relationship...

And this is the story of my first kiss... the story goes on, even more drama, tears, laughter and excitement but it also gets a little NC-16 and above so to avoid me being bashed up, elbowed, kicked, punched, pinched, bitten, kneed, and side stared at by my girlfriend who is going to bash me up anyway for posting this, I shall not continue. Despite the abuse, bite marks and blue-blacks, to most people reading this, you must think I am blind and really crazy to have fallen for such an amazing girl like her. Truth is, I know I'm blind and crazy but I still love her very much...

Had a Vision
on Tuesday, June 07, 2011, 2:45 PM

Dear God,
I made a terrible mistake, I have SINNED!! I even try to convince myself that it's okay... everybody does it, since you've already done it, might as well continue... no harm done, everyone involved is happy right?

but "A sin is a sin!"
"Let's say you committed theft or murder, is it okay to continue stealing and killing?"

When I was given a choice, Don't want or Don't scared. Why did pride overwhelm the words of God, why couldn't I hear You say...

"The LORD is my shepherd;I shall not want." - Psalm 23:1

"Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?" - 2 Corinthians 6:14

Please give me self-control. Not the opportunity to learn it but really give it to me... is it too much to ask from an Almighty God?

Like the nails on the fence, I have left a mark on not only my life, but also another's life... Give me the courage to say no... without hurting another... in Jesus name I pray. Amen.

Had a Vision
on , 2:43 PM

Had a Vision
on , 2:40 PM

This is as real as I can get. There's nothing to hide. I am what you see. Fully defined in details. What I believe, what I like, what I don't like, what I do and why I do them.

The only thing concealed are my emotions. Never will they see light, never will I let emotions run my life, so I suppress them, be it good or bad emotions. This is so that the worst emotion, Anger, never gets out. People say the most regretful and hurtful things when they are angry, for even the strongest saint may fall to this. So until I find a better solution to manage my emotions, I can only suppress it with a smile and a little funny sarcasm.

This reminds me of the story of "Nails in the Fence"



There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.

The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.

Finally the day came when the boy didn’t lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.

The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, “You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won’t matter how many times you say I’m sorry, the wound is still there.”

The little boy then understood how powerful his words were. He looked up at his father and said “I hope you can forgive me father for the holes I put in you.”

“Of course I can,” said the father.

Had a Vision
on Thursday, June 02, 2011, 10:57 AM